It’s Common: Men Going For Women Out of Their League. Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt, sees the root cause of this behavior as…
Question: Allana, I constantly chase women that are out of my league (the unattainable). Do I just enjoy punishing myself or it there a reason why I focus on these type of women?
Answer: First off, she may simply NOT be out of your league except in your mind. Just go be yourself and see what happens.
Second, you may think you NEED this type of women to be enough, be cool, look good, show off, ‘make it.” In which case self esteem work is in your future.
Third, it’s a super common trend with my clients to go for someone unattainable, emotionally unavailable, someone who says they’re not interested and yet they still get infatuated with them… because it’s safe.
You get to live in your mind, create a fantasy, spin around either beating yourself up for not being good enough or blame them for not wanting you… yet either way you’re safe.
You’re not risking rejection. You’re not getting real or authentically connected. You’re not having intimate conversations and letting yourself truly be seen… and thus you don’t risk being burned, you burn yourself first. You don’t even get near the fire.
Yet sitting in the fire of the present moment, healing whatever’s in the way of you loving your WHOLE self, being real and exposing your authentic self to another human being… this is SO HOT! This is where the juice is! This is where adventure lies! This is savoring the unknown!
Yes, it’s messy. Hearts get singed. Yet bliss also unfolds. Ecstasy unleashes. Magic delights the Soul. When you’re present, authentic, real, truly going for it, willing to risk it all to have it all… you can FEEL the blood in your veins and you KNOW you’re alive and you can be GRATEFUL for this breath and this chance to connect intimately.
Yes, you might be betrayed, rejected, abandoned… and even THIS is amazing because you get the chance to evolve and realize that God/Universe/Source NEVER abandons you (not need YOU ever abandon you) which allows you to emerge “un-singe-able”… you realize that even if she leaves you, you never left you, nor did The Field.
Something always has your back. And only when we live fully and lose something we cherish, do we discover this. Or my coaching program can also take you home to find that place of security, safety, appreciation, oneness and total approval from within, just like my coaches did for me 😉 You need someone ‘on the other side’ to hold space, so you can surrender, and come home.
The super cool out come of this journey is that you no longer NEED nor RESIST super fabulous women no matter WHAT their league and you’re able to HAVE a hot healthy intimate partnership with them. Interested? My complementary report will get you started at www.GetHerToSayYes.com and yet until any deep seated wounds are healed so that you can actually BE the space of Home to bring your Queen Home… I recommend contacting my [email protected] requesting a strategy session to see if you’re a fit to work with me.
Deeper roots, higher shoots 😉 You’ll know if you’re ready. What an honor that would be.
Huge love and blessings, Allana
Photo: www.BigStock.com
I don’t believe in leagues. I don’t think two beautiful people have to be together to be ‘equal’. I don’t think both people have to make the same kind of money to have an ‘equal’ relationship either. I think relationships are Ying and Yang. But I do think a lot of men tend to put a premium on how women look and that men have been specifically socialized their entire lives to judge a woman’s worth through a hierarchy placed on her looks alone as being the epitome of finding success in the relationship department. Instead of seeing women as… Read more »
Because women never judge men by appearance? Or status and income?
Touché! I could tell hundreds of stories of rejection. They’re all based on appearance. It doesn’t matter how successful I am, how much above average income I earn, how friendly, caring, witty, confident, or competent I am, or how awesome everybody constantly tells me I am. Hell, I can throw, co-ordinate, and run massive parties for 800 people, and still get rejected by the women who show up. I can stand in front of a room full of people, win awards, get massive applause, and still get turned down shortly after. In smaller, more intimate circumstances, I can write and… Read more »
Wesley – This topic was about a man who goes for women out of his league. Please tell me which part of my comments you disagree with? Or do you not believe it’s even valid to discuss or highlight these issues with men? We should never talk about how men socialize themselves with women and their looks? That’s not a valid conversation? How would I come across to you if instead, this was a topic about a woman who only dates high-earning men and you wanted to talk about what an issue that is with women and I came at… Read more »
I have heard this same song for forty years, and the lyrics still haven’t changed. I’m tired of taking flack and getting blamed for situations I did not create. It’s not my problem anymore. Why do you think men are dropping out of marriage and dating? It’s not “bitterness”, but simple exhaustion. Give me one valid reason why we should care.
Wes – It’s not my job to prove to you that women are ‘worth it’ to you. You clearly don’t think they are so that’s where you stand. It’s really no skin off my back. I could easily ask you the same question though. Why don’t *you* give me one good reason why women should care? You act like men are such great catches that if a man doesn’t want to get married, women are going to be crying into their pillows over him. Me? I think most human beings, regardless of gender, what to love and be loved. They… Read more »
I never said that women were not worth it, just marriage and cohabitation. In our current legal system it is a trap where men can lose their homes, children and everything they have worked for. Where is the “equality” in that?
Wes – I’ll repeat the same words you said above in response to me. I can’t think of a more fair response then using your own words: I’ve heard the same story for many years now. I’m tired of taking flack and getting blamed for situations I did not create. I never personally caused a man to lose his home or children. It’s not my problem. I’ve never done anything to contribute to the issue you speak of. Give me one valid reason why women should care though? Us ladies are just exhausted. We aren’t ‘bitter’. We just are tired.… Read more »
After hearing again and again to lower my standards, I did. I priced my self right out of the market, and I gave up on them wholesale. Fair being fair, they wouldn’t notice my exit from the market, so it was a win for everyone. Countless miserable years in the U.S. of dating desert ended as soon as I came overseas. It wasn’t me that was worthless and over stretching, it was me in America that was worthless. Leagues are indeed there, ask any geek, fatty, shorty, greyed, or not in the right profession – a girl will shut you… Read more »
No woman is out of a guys league if he stops looking at her skin and starts looking at the woman. I often tell men to put on their x-ray glasses; to move past her looks to her depth. I’ve told men to imagine the woman being a 5 (sorry, but need to use that foolish rating thing to demonstrate the point) when she talks, when observing her actions. Is she still interesting, enthralling, or is she more like fingernails on a chalkboard, but acceptable because he’s been listening with his eyes. I tell them to try that because she… Read more »
Stop believing in leagues, you just shoot yourself in the foot.
The only time someone is out of your league is when you aren’t interested in them. 😉
Amen to that.
Remember every woman on the planet has the same equipment. Hers may be packaged a little nicer, but that’s it. If she gives you attitude tell her to get over herself.
Well, it depends on what this guy means by “unattainable” and out of his league. I know I certainly mean something different by it. Women who are very successful in their endeavors, have all their shit together, lack insecurity and outrageous amounts of relationship baggage, are friendly, outgoing, popular, intelligent, interesting, witty, and maybe yes, more physically attractive than usual…I’ve met women like that, and they’re unattainable by the likes of me, even though I hit most of those criteria myself (I fail dramatically on the last one in particular, which has always been the showstopper). So maybe it’s not… Read more »
Wesley,
The equipment might be the same, but skill, experience and interest in using it is highly variable… 🙂
🙂
Could be lots of other reasons too. Maybe you’re satisfied enough with yourself as a person that you only want a woman in your life who is mind-blowing, otherwise you feel it’s worth it to stay single. Maybe you’ve got an attitude of quality over quantity, so it makes you feel like you’re more discerning in the women you choose to pursue. Maybe you’re successful enough in other areas of your life that you feel like this should translate to success with incredible women. Maybe you’re hoping that by finding the perfect woman, you’ll be more likely to be satisfied… Read more »
Boom, Anthony.
His evaluation of the situation has to begin with brute honesty. Sometimes such statement are used as a mask to hide one’s own short comings…which is odd because by addressing such one can move beyond the constant failures. Talk about a snake eating itself.
Well said.