A single guy wonders if single women only exist in bars and on eHarmony.
Dear Sexes: I’m a single guy, and not really into the whole Internet dating thing. Picking girls up in bars is also a bit daunting (with their whole entourage surrounding them). Where and how do I meet a cool, (semi)regular girl?
She Said: If you go where your interests are, you’re going to find a like-minded mate. Dog parks are great, cooking classes usually have women vastly outnumbering men. Take group classes in something, anything you’re interested in.
But don’t hit on girls at Yoga. Ever. I know the pants are deceptive; they look like we wear them for you boys. We don’t. And you can say “hi” to a girl at the gym, but never, ever if she’s wearing earbuds. Earbuds are our way of saying, “Stay the F away from me”.
Ultimately, meeting girls is about being open. Don’t go into it looking for someone to sleep with or someone to marry. Meet every girl like she might be your next best friend. Talk with her as if you already admire her for her words and her brain, and then give her a very genuine compliment about something she may never have had complimented before. Look at her completely, as a whole, and that compliment will come to you.
If you meet a girl in a book store (good idea!), be sure to hang about where the cool girls are. Get your ass out of “Self Help” or “Spiritual Growth” and into Fiction or Classics. Date the girl who picks up Austen or Bronte and value most the girls who smile at books and touch them gently.
If these things sound intimidating, then I have to give some serious respect to Internet sites—the expensive and the exclusive ones. I have FOUR cousins and countless friends who’ve met and married people they met on Match.com, JDate, or eHarmony!
What makes these avenues so compelling is that you get to start with the written word. You get to think about and polish your first few interactions. Words are just so inherently hopeful, romantic, and sexy. Commit to using real words and complete sentences (avoid LOL and its horrifying counterparts). The Internet is not always desperate. In fact, it can be downright beautiful.
He Said: Great question! Difficult answer. If you’re sick of the bar scene (can’t blame you there—girls often barricade themselves more extensively than Faberge eggs), and you’re leery of the internet dating thing (no one is exactly who they say they are—I’m not actually Eli, I’m Brad Pitt, swear to god), then your options narrow.
You can try crowded dance clubs, where you’re forced, by space constraints, to grind your sweaty body up next to some beautiful girl you wouldn’t normally have the opportunity (or cojones) to get so near.
If you’re more concerned with conversation, you can try frequenting a local coffee shop for intellectual hotties, but this requires a real commitment to schedule keeping and caffeinated beverages. You can spend your days or nights hanging out in parks, but you don’t want potential mates thinking you’re homeless, so don’t hang there too frequently.
If none of those ideas sound exciting, you can always buy a dog (great conversation starter) or better yet, become a dog-walker (great conversation starter you don’t even have to pay for). And if you’re still looking for love, how ‘bout your friends hook you up with some of their other favorite single friends?! If you’ve already tried this, and you’re friends have said no, or dragged their feet, perhaps it’s good idea for you to take a little personal time getting reacquainted with yourself.
If you have a question for Josie and Eli, ask it here.
Originally appeared at SheSaidHeSaid.
—Photo sidewalk flying/Flickr