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“It is better to live among the crowd and keep a solitary life in your spirit than to live alone with your heart in the crowd.” ~ Abbas Lucius, as quoted in Hermits: The Insights of Solitude
From the beginning of time, humans have enjoyed great companionship in small social communities with shared responsibilities. Some were food providers, others food preparers. There were the storytellers and inventors . . . everyone played a crucial role in the development and survival of society.
Of course, back then it was out of necessity to avoid certain death and to keep social order, but we can learn a lot from our early ancestors. Humans are inherently designed to live in close relationship with each other. That’s just the way it is.
We need contact with other humans to live long, happy lives—and this is notably more important as we age.
It’s easy to make friends and form bonds as children and young adults, but as we get older and the responsibilities of life kick in, it gets harder to maintain close-knit friendships—especially outside of a marriage or partnership.
You Aren’t Meant To Live In Isolation
The interactions you have with other people affect the way you feel about yourself and life in general. Your close relationships influence your happiness and the sense that you are part of a larger community. Being in fellowship with others adds meaning and purpose to your life.
It is scientifically proven that your psychological well-being is highly dependent on your connection with others. Having a number of close friends you can count on doesn’t just provide opportunities for fun, intimacy, and emotional well-being, it is imperative to your physical health, too. Good social support might also help you in coping with stress and major life changes like a divorce, redundancy, moving house etc. It is proved that lonely people more often suffer from cardiovascular problems, stress, and depression.
Knowing that we are valued by others is an important psychological factor in helping us to forget the negative aspects of our lives, and thinking more positively about our environment. Friends and family can also reduce stress by saying things which boost confidence and give moral encouragement.
Consider some classic tales where the protagonists chose a life of solitude. Most—if they didn’t lose their minds first—had epiphany’s that humans are social mammals meant to live in the company of others. They all eventually return to their friends and family with the profound knowledge of the power of companionship. Yes, it is beneficial to periodically disengage from a busy social or family life. Quiet adventures offer time to reflect and meditate, but humans thrive when in close acquaintance with others.
Quality friendships foster adventure and inspire personal growth. They also reinforce a sense of belonging.
Feeling that you belong is most important in seeing value in life and in coping with intensely painful emotions. Some find belonging in a church, some with friends, some with family, and some on Twitter or other social media.
Some see themselves as connected only to one or two people. Others believe and feel a connection to all people the world over, to humanity. Some struggle to find a sense of belonging and their loneliness is physically painful for them.
According to psychiatrists Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz, social alienation is an inevitable result of contemporary society’s preoccupation with materialism and frantic “busy-ness.” Their decades of research supports the idea that a lack of relationships can cause multiple problems with physical, emotional, and spiritual health.
When people lack meaningful close relationships with others, they suffer.
In my book, Adventure In Everything, I discuss The Five Elements of Adventure and stress the most important element as Great Companionship. I truly believe that without the help of others, we can accomplish little in life. We NEED to be surrounded by greatness in order to produce greatness.
Not only does companionship give you the chance to keep close company with others, it offers the opportunity to give unselfishly, receive feedback, support your friends and work cooperatively with others to reach goals unattainable on our own. And, while close relationships serve one of your most basic needs, research suggests men have a much harder time than women maintaining close friendships into adulthood.
It’s not that men are incapable of having close relationships because they are capable.
According to the psychiatrist Dr. Roger Gould:
[…] men do not easily show intimacies and revelations of strong emotional response. It does not mean the relationships are not filled with trust, deep regard and respect, fun, and sometimes crisis support. Men relate to other men quite well, just not the same as women relate to other women.
A lack of close friendships has more to do with life responsibilities. As men age and focus on their careers, get married and have children, their priorities shift. A busy family and work schedule leaves less time to focus on friendships. Married men, especially, struggle with the guilt of spending time with friends outside of marriage as what little time you do have, you feel should be spent with family.
Although men crave close relationships just as much as women, most haven’t quite gotten over the awkwardness of asking a guy for his phone number or striking up a conversation with another guy at a social gathering.
Let’s be honest. Men are trained from a young age how to talk to women, not to each other. But, as our ancestors taught us, great companions can enhance your life by offering varied skill sets, different perspectives and a range of creative ideas and solutions to provide better outcomes.
Without the enrichment that positive relationships offer, it is nearly impossible to pursue your highest endeavors and enjoy a fulfilled life. After all, two heads are better than one, right?
Are You Prioritizing Great Companionship In YourLife?
If you feel lonely or uninspired in your daily routine, it could be due to a lack of outside influence. Meaningful relationships help you to feel connected and supported. They can also influence your level of success in your career, personal life, and in your relationships with your spouse and children. Having people around whom you trust, encourage you and support you in your endeavors, is invaluable.
When you are inspired, you have the confidence to live your ideal life . . . A life full of adventure and joy.
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Photo credit: Getty Images