I had a conversation with Rebound Guy today and I realized it may be our last.
This story recaps our conversation almost word for word and my feelings throughout.
The conversation was hostile on his part and all I was doing was trying to figure out what was wrong. Turns out, he had lost a good friend to a car accident. I have a lot of empathy, and I care — so I cried with him and tried to talk him through it. But that was after I had to be the bearer of bad news.
My phone rings around 930am. I’m shamelessly watching tv and trying to work at the same time.
ME answers: Hey how’s it going?
How are you?
Just cool? How was your Thursday? I didn’t talk to you yesterday.
It was aight.
What’s the matter you seem down.
Nah, I’m good.
Sooooo, what’s today’s plan? What do you have going on?
You sure you’re good?
Mmhm. You don’t have to ask that.
Wow, okay. You just are off. Not yourself.
Well stop asking.
Don’t be rude.
I’m not. I just don’t want you to ask me — I don’t want to talk about it.
Alright, so something is wrong. I can give you some space today.
No, I wanted to talk to you.
Well, you aren’t talking much.
This is where I got frustrated, tried to hang up multiple times with things like: Let me give you some time and I can let you go and why don’t you call me when you feel a little better and are ready to talk. I was met with an extremely hostile Stop telling me I don’t feel fine, I feel fine.
That’s when I got obviously upset and said to him
I kept my statements ‘I’ statements. I can’t be on edge. I don’t want this. I can’t do this. I feel… I put the blame on myself.
To this I was met with an argument, with no understanding of what I had just said, with a “You have no regard for what’s going on in my life that you’re going to stop talking to me as soon as I get a little sad. My friend passed last night and I’m sad OK. Is that what you wanted to know. You wanted to know what was wrong, you are supposed to be my peace and you’re not doing that.
You’re supposed to be my peace. My Peace. HIS PEACE.
I have a HUGE problem with this statement and here’s why. I am nobody’s peace if there is nothing to be peaceful about. How am I supposed to take care of someone’s heart and be their peace, when I don’t know what’s going on. When I don’t know how. When I don’t want to. I never asked to play that role. I specifically told him I didn’t want that role, that I can’t give that to him. That I only viewed him as casual.
When I decided to keep it casual with him, it wasn’t because that’s what I was looking for — it’s because I didn’t see a future with him but I liked who he was for me at the time. I was honest. Not everyone is forever. Some people are for now.
Again, this didn’t go well. He yelled, cried and called me out of my name. It’s not the first time. But now I’m certain the type of man he is.
No man will go for a woman like you.
. . .
I’m strong. I’m resilient. I’m kind. I’m smart. I’m sexy. I’m funny. I’m pretty. I’m talented, good at my job, give back to the community, empathetic, sensitive, feminine and so so much more. I’m self aware. I know what I want. I know what I’m looking for. I know what I’m capable of and I know what kind of love I deserve.
. . .
Why don’t people realize words hurt.
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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