My wife and I have this thing… A sort of bedtime ritual. It goes something like this.
First, we climb into bed, and if we haven’t already done so, we’ll pray. Afterward, we will kiss and then systematically begin wrangling our arms and legs together in a game of human-spaghetti while under the blanket. We’ll do this until we are positioned perfectly and feel comfortable enough to fall asleep while tangled in each other’s bodies.
I’ll know when my wife is perfectly positioned because her body has a very specific tell; she farts. Sometimes it’s light and airy. Most times, however, it coats the air like a dense fog that’s so thick, she sometimes makes herself choke.
“There’s just something about your touch,” she’ll say as she chuckles and drifts off to sleep.
Now here’s the thing; I love it when this happens! Call me crazy — or a glutton for punishment — but there’s just something special about a moment of matrimonial flatulence.
Don’t get me wrong, the girl can move mountains. Still, even though the aroma of my wife baking brownies under the blanket isn’t the most enjoyable thing that we do together in our bed, I do take great joy in this for a few reasons.
It Demonstrates Trust
I recognize that for many people, passing gas in front of their spouse is a controversial thing to do, but I don’t believe that it should be.
To me, my wife popping a booty-bubble in front of me for the first time was a milestone moment. In my opinion, moments like these should be remembered and celebrated because it’s an indication of trust in your relationship.
It takes time to build up the courage to be vulnerable in front of someone for the first time. And if we’re being completely honest with ourselves, what we really want out of a healthy relationship is the ability to be vulnerable and to trust that our vulnerability won’t be weaponized against us.
That doesn’t happen when we feel judged or criticized about our bodies when they do what they are designed to do or when we are compelled to hide it.
When it happens (and it will happen), embrace it. Don’t overreact. Instead, demonstrate that your spouse can trust you with their fecal fumes. It will give a whole new meaning to loving them from the inside out.
It Establishes Security
If trust represents how my wife feels about me loving her, then security has everything to do with how my wife feels about loving herself.
I don’t ever want my wife to feel insecure when she’s with me or to feel as if she has to behave a certain way in order to be loved by me. I don’t want her to ever hate herself for something that I hate about her.
Interesting fact: Did you know that the average person farts about 12–25 times per day?
My wife, as I’m sure many other wives do, has to contend with an unreasonable and unfair amount of judgment and comparison. This comes from society as a whole, from other women, and most frustrating for me, from herself.
From intrusive thoughts about body image and weight to concerns about being a good enough wife or mother, it has got to be overwhelming. Could you imagine adding 15–25 more daily mental prompts of insecurity to her plate on the heels of some gas? Talk about gaslighting your wife.
I love that after 15 years of marriage, my wife knows definitively that she doesn’t have to question how I feel about her, and in turn, will never have to question how she feels about herself.
I deeply desire for my wife to feel secure enough to let her guard down completely at any moment and just…. let it out! She’ll never have to wonder, “Am I dishonoring him or myself when I do this?” She will always know that she is safe to be exactly who God created her to be when she is in my arms.
It Means We Are Present
Looking over the last 5,475 days that we’ve been married (so far), I can count on my fingers the total number of times that we’ve not gone to bed together. For the most part, we are in our marital bed every night, together.
I think about it like this. The aroma from my wife is a pungent reminder that I’m present with her. That’s a privilege that many people don’t have or one that they choose to not enjoy. If I were absent, I would not only lose out on the opportunity to smell her, but I would also miss out on the opportunity to touch her, hold her, comfort her, and make love to her!
Being able to lay next to my wife is a blessing. If the only price I have to pay for being present is a little flatulence, then I’d say the juice was well worth the squeeze.
It Gives Us A Bigger Perspective
In marriage, it can become so easy to magnify little problems, making them seem significantly bigger than they actually are. The reality is that most marriages begin falling apart due to little issues, not major ones.
Like a little crack in the foundation of a home that grows over time, the pressure and bad storms in your marriage may ultimately begin to wear at the foundation of your heart. Your love may fracture and after enough time has passed, you both may break. The little things that used to be cute become annoying before eventually becoming unbearable.
A fart may be a temporary annoyance, but the bigger picture is that it has zero impact on the long-term health of your marriage. I keep this in mind, not just for a fart, but for all the other little annoyances that I will inevitably deal with as well. It helps me to keep perspective on the important things and to pick my battles.
When your spouse lets one go, allow it to serve as a reminder for you to let ‘it’ go as well. Whatever “it” is, if you can apply this principle to all of the other minor issues in your marriage, it may keep you from making permanent decisions on the heels of temporary problems.
We seriously don’t take ourselves too seriously. When it comes to passing some gas, it’s not uncommon for us to high-five if it’s a good one.
Here’s a little suggestion. The next time your spouse serves up a butt-biscuit, hold them a little closer and squeeze them a little tighter. Embrace them and the cloud they floated in on. At the end of the day, it’s just a fart. It will pass.
My wife Alicia and I are marriage coaches and the founders of ThisIsKnotLove.com. Like a knot, we believe there are two types of marriages; those which are miserable, tangled messes, and those which are intentionally fashioned together to join two separate things together as one.
We work to remove the bad knots that cause marriages to unravel, and fashion secure knots that hold marriages together. We’re just here to help you get the kinks out.
“Go ahead. TIKL the one you love.”
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit:by Cassidy Kelley on Unsplash