If God doesn’t have a problem talking about sexual issues with His people, then neither should the Church.
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I remember saying to myself early in life that I would wait to give my life to Christ, because I wanted to be real in my walk with God. You know how we would say things like “I don’t want to be a hypocrite like the rest of them church folks”. I felt that being a young man with healthy sexual desires, there would be no way that I could genuinely and consistently heed the call to holiness as I understood it. Therefore I put God on hold and told Him to defer my salvation until I was around 55 years old or so. But, lo and behold, God had other plans for my life and I ended up getting saved at the young age of 22. This was right around the time I was developing confidence in my ability to attract women, and was enjoying the company of a beautiful love interest or two since I was single.
Well after my baptism, I wanted to be solely devoted to Christ and I honestly was excited about my conversion, so I cut off some relationships and was enjoying life in Jesus. That lasted all of six months and then all of a sudden my body and my subconscious began to grow weary of this new concept called “celibacy”. Now this is where things got complicated for me…. You see, no one in the church ever really talked about being born-again, filled with the Holy Spirit, praising God in church, but at the same time dealing with the “h” word that rhymes with “corny”. Catch my drift? I was told that if you “had it, like you ought to have it”, you could overcome the power of sin. I was also told that it was “holiness or hell” and that “if you live right Heaven belonged to you”. In other words if I was genuinely saved and did all that was possible to maintain my salvation, I wouldn’t have such problems…. Yeah right.
Well truth be told I had trouble with this “living right” thing and was totally struggling. Even though I was outwardly celibate, I was inwardly the biggest fornicator around. Let me explain. My subconscious mind was extremely tired of celibacy and therefore when I slept, I had the most vivid dreams this side of the Hot Network. It was like my dreams were coming right out of cable television. Imagine waking up in the morning, knowing you should start your day with prayer….but too ashamed after dreaming such dreams. I sank into depression because I felt that I was not living “holy” in truth or loving God the way I should, a feeling that was exacerbated each time I went to church and the “holiness” message was reinforced.
No one had answers on how to deal with sexual desire and all the “laying on of hands” did nothing to alleviate my plight. It took years, but I finally understood from extensive Bible study, that virtually all of the greatest men of God (and women for that matter) wrestled with sexual desire,( a rather normal human phenomenon). For example, if we look at Judah, in Genesis chapter 38, or David, in 2nd Samuel Chapter 11, and Solomon, in 1st Kings Chapter 11, we see the greatest men found in the genealogy of Jesus Christ had the biggest sexual cravings and yet were still blessed. The church, the harbinger of truth and paragon of virtue, on the other hand is deafeningly silent on such matters because it has to keep the religious face and pretense of holiness even though inwardly and secretly people are wrestling with these issues. Some psychologists say that around 93% of men and 63% of women masturbate. Secondly, pornography is probably one of the top five industries that we have in America, with countless people addicted to it. We can be sure that includes people who go to church. We see time and time again how preacher’s and worship leaders either have been caught engaging in various types of sexual misconduct or are addicted to pornography.
It is imperative that we deal with issues of sexuality in the church, including the issue of homosexuality which is becoming more and more pervasive. It certainly doesn’t help to refer to those struggling with that life style as “f******” . What needs to happen is that the church has to become transparent on such matters and have honest discussions, knowing that you can still be a Christian and struggle with desire. As a matter of fact sexual desire is a healthy thing and any other teaching is a type of stoicism (a philosophy that negates the importance of pleasure), which is an emotionally unhealthy philosophy for living.
Many pastor’s NEVER deal with the issue of sexuality, however I pray for the boldness to talk about it and minister to the church as effectively as possible. The church doesn’t need protection or censoring, what it needs is openness even as the Bible is open on these issues. That is to say the Bible is hardly discreet in matters concerning sex and sexuality and some texts would at the very least get an “R” rating. If God doesn’t have a problem talking about sexual issues with His people, then neither should we.
Photo: Flickr/David Pacey
Originally appeared at Anthony Davis Ministries.com
@D – have to agree. All men hear about in church anymore is how we’re watching too much p0rn, and need to get our cr@p together. Just another reason men are leaving the church in droves.
The way I was taught was that dreams, when your single and celibate, are the way to go. I don’t harbor any negative feelings towards those kinds of things when they happen. I feel relieved and good about myself. That there is nothing wrong with sexual thoughts but that people are taught in our oversexed culture to zero in on them more and more, and this is main cause and concern in most peoples lives. However, pornography and masturbation do have negative physical and psychological effects- they are particularly most destructive combined. I think the best way to assess this… Read more »
Sex should only happen when one is married
Sex should only happen for the provision of children
Masturbation is wrong
Non-vaginal sex is wrong
Homosexuality is a sin and gay people are or should be struggling against such a “lifestyle”
Divorce is wrong
Contraception is wrong
Original Sin is why you need the church in the first place
The church is not silent on sexuality, it is very, very vocal. What it’s not is particularly realistic, effective or compassionate on sexuality.
We have seen the same struggles during our 15 years as marriage mentors and are pleased to mention the book we wrote to address this very issue in detail. In it we provide guidance for managing sex in a way that honors God, provides self respect for individuals and shows how to discover God’s best through what we call “Perfected Love Making.” Learn more at http://pursuitofpassionbook.com God bless you!