Here’s how to ‘get naked’ on a first date. Spoiler alert: it’s not what you think…
Raise your hand if you want to get naked on a first date. Okay, hands down, you sex-crazed people. Now, raise your hand if you love first date conversations. That’s what I thought. Yes, they can be awkward, dreadful, boring. When you’re meeting someone for the first time, it can be painful to try and make a meaningful, interesting, exciting connection.
Most first dates don’t go so well. The conversation is ‘meh’. There is no second or third date. Yep, dating is about a bunch of “no-freakin’-way” mismatches until you get to that golden ticket…a fabulous first date.
Finally! You’re on A Great First Date. Now What?
Okay, the date’s going really well.
You’re having fun, you’re attracted to her, you’re learning about her passions, her favorite vacations, and what she does for fun. He’s revealed his favorite pizza, the craziest thing he did in his fraternity days, and what he likes about his job.
Now, you’re ready to go a little deeper. You want to know what lies beneath the surface. That’s how you learn if there’s a true connection.
What if you could ask a really good question, one that would help you get ‘naked’ together.
No, I’m not talking about being physically naked. What I mean is you want to get emotionally naked, to connect deeper to this person you’re trying to get to know better.
How to Get Naked in a First Date Conversation
I once met someone who asked me a first date question that left me feeling a little naked—and a little excited.
We were having dinner, chatting about so many things, when he surprised me with a question I had never heard on a first date.
Are you ready?
He asked, “What would your ex-husband say are your biggest flaws? And would you agree with him?”
He added that I didn’t need to answer, he was just curious.
Not answer him? Are you kidding? While some people might be offended or choose to change the topic, I LOVED this question.
Why? Let’s take a closer look. He wasn’t asking me to badmouth my ex.
I wouldn’t have done that. He didn’t ask what I thought my biggest flaws were. That would have been uncomfortable and inappropriate for a first date conversation.
He wanted to know how my ex-husband saw me. And whether or not I felt my ex’s perceptions were accurate.
I loved this question because it gave me pause. It made me think. It challenged me. And I love a good challenge.
I won’t tell you the details of my answer (because we’re not out on a date), but I was happy to be open and a little naked with him about this topic. And of course, I asked him the same question. I loved his answers. It gave me insight into his character, and it made me like him more.
So, the next time you run out of things to say on a date, or you just want to get a little bit closer, try asking him or her this question.
You’ll learn your date’s comfort level with revealing his/her perceived flaws. And you’ll see how willing he/she is to get vulnerable.
When you’re willing to be a little emotionally naked, even as early on as a first date, you’ll learn so much more about one another. This type of conversation will help you decide if you want a second date.
If you reveal that you can accept your own imperfections, there’s a pretty good chance you will make a good partner in a relationship. You have shared that you’re human, compassionate, and open. And that’s what leads to true, heart-thumping, toe-curling love!
What are your thoughts about this question? Do you get emotionally ‘naked’ on your first dates? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Photo: Flickr/Stefan Andrej Shambora