Ready for a real relationship? Stop dating badasses and start looking for a nice guy.
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Nice guys get a bad rap. (No, I’m not talking about self-proclaimed “nice guys” who use politeness as currency for sex — I mean actual kind men).
It’s really a shame, considering that truly nice guys are actually hubby material. Nonetheless, they’re almost always ignored or turned down, overlooked and unwanted.
Instead, women will go for the badass — the jerk. A woman will go for the “man of mystery” who will never let her get close enough to truly know.
Women really want nice guys. But they won’t know it for a while — at least, not until they’re ready for a life partner. They still have a lot to learn.
Once a girl becomes a woman and understands what is and isn’t important in life and in a relationship, the nice guy will suddenly become infinitely more appealing.
Girls think that the badass is the diamond in the rough…
…until they realize that “badass” usually translates into “jackass.”
And boy oh boy, are there jackasses in this world.
It’s much easier to find a jackass.
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Women, like men, want excitement in their lives. Women also want someone rare, unique and special. Everybody does. People want what others don’t have because they make them feel special. And since Mom and Dad managed to convince us we’re special, we expect to stay that way.
Women don’t want the nice guy because “nice” sounds a lot like “average.” It’s good, not great; fine, not amazing. Or, at least, that’s how most of us feel.
However, after meeting and dating enough men, most women will realize one thing: It’s much easier to find a jackass.
And that’s when the tables turn.
Unfortunately, this realization usually comes after years and years of dating assh*les and turning down the nice guys. But nice guys get turned down so often that they start to believe being a badass is the way to go.
He wants to be nice. But if women want someone who treats them poorly, he may as well give them what they want. I’m not saying women are to blame, but I’ve seen this happen with my own eyes.
The nice guy is the one girls will seek once they’ve made enough mistakes.
The nice guy isn’t appealing until you realize he’s exactly what you need.
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Meeting the right person isn’t about finding someone compatible. It’s about rejecting the people you aren’t meant to date. It’s about becoming the person you need to be to make a relationship work.
People learn by making mistakes. The risks we take — and the failure that so often follows — make us better.
Of course, in life, there is no one to tell us about our mistakes and what we can learn from them.
So when it comes to heartache, we don’t always learn from experience. Because learning is, after all, left up to our interpretation.
Women usually find the “nice guy” after they’ve seen other relationships fail time and time again. The nice guy isn’t appealing until you realize he’s exactly what you need.
Unfortunately, you have to date a lot of assh*les to realize this.
Women eventually realize that nice guys can be exciting and spontaneous with the right woman.
Women assume that jerks will make for a more exciting relationship.
And, to be completely honest, this is often the case. Sometimes nice guys are a bit too nice. They’re guessing that kindness is something all women want.
But that’s not true. No one wants just that.
Everyone wants to feel more. We want to be excited and moved; we know that being in love can make us feel that way.
It’s not just up to the man to make your relationship more exciting.
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Well, the badass guy will make a more exciting relationship. But it won’t be exciting in the way you hope. You will be overwhelmed with emotions, but they won’t be positive ones.
The assh*le will make you feel bad about yourself. He’ll make you feel worried and stressed. He’ll convince you that what you’re feeling is love, when in reality it’s far from it.
Your life will certainly be more exciting, but you’re going to hate it. So what’s the point?
Any relationship can be exciting — the good kind of exciting — if both people work on making it so.
It’s not just up to the man to make your relationship more exciting. Women also need to work on making their relationships exciting.
We all want to be swept off our feet, but one-sided relationships always fail. After all, it is a partnership.
If you don’t believe me, go ahead — date the badass. Ignore the nice guy. And then when you change your mind, re-read this article and tell me I’m wrong.
By Paul Hudson
This post originally appeared at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
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A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.
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Notice all these stupid b****** on here trying to control the narrative of a site that is suppose to be for men? The nerve of some of these women.
Unfortunately women just don’t want nice guys like us anymore since they really like sleeping around with different other guys all the time which is a way of life for them nowadays.
And when they come to the nice guy… Use them like they used you 🙂
I had a friend who said to me, “Ladies, I wasn’t good enough for you before. You’re not good enough for me now. You gave away your passion, your excitement, your free time to a jerk that I could compete with. But now, suddenly, you think that guys like me don’t look so bad after all? No thanks. I wanted you then. I don’t want you now.” He had a point, I think.
Well it really does take two to tango today since most of the women have really changed for the worst of all since many women nowadays have their careers and are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very money hungry as well. These type of women will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less either which really shows us good men out there how very horrible they have become over these years unfortunately. This is a very excellent reason why many of us men are still single today… Read more »
Well now that we have so many very pathetic loser women everywhere these days that really speaks for itself. Doesn’t it? Well i will certainly say so.
I have to agree with you. Many women I have encountered over the years are now intolerably selfish, self-centered, unfriendly and play high school type mind games. These women who pursue the bad boy can remain in that state most of their life now, just like many of the jerks and asshole men they encounter. Women who pursue the sexual thrill and emotional histrionics associated with the bad boys out there are just as emotionally immature as they are. Grown up men and women are both decent and kind as they realize that remaining a perpetual teenager gets old. However,… Read more »
I think this article is pretty close. Women won’t choose the guy who can love her until she learns to lover herself. Totally cliche, I know, but those bad boys just get all our validation-seeking juices flowing, and we mistake instability for passion. Women won’t be able to love you back until they can accept real stable love. Love that doesn’t feel familiarly chaotic and inconsistent.
So after a woman has gone through 20′ of cock, and learns how to love herself, then she is ready for a nice stable guy? What man of means would settle for that crap deal?
Preach
Haha don’t make us laugh now that she sees herself aging and getting old she was a beta type guy she can marry while the jerk had all the sex and fun fuck no just like I learned when I was in highschool don’t be nice don’t be boring be an asshole if you need to you will at least get laid the poor little nice guy will get her once we all have banged her I’m so happy the nice guy is going away and more men are becoming confident assholes it sucks for women but hey you get… Read more »
By the time women want a, “Nice Guy”, he’s had enough of women.
Enough of rejections
Well with the type of women out there these days really does speak for itself Unfortunately.
Women who screw around with jerks and decide to finally settle down with a ‘nice guy’ should be avoided like the plague. These women will most likely cheat on such a husband behind his back and eventually cash out (aka get a divorce) and run off with whatever money he has. And probably get custody of his kids too. Problem is in this day and age with ‘liberation’ there is no way of knowing which women are good and which are not. Deceit is a womans special power.
Yikes- don’t be nice guys.
She’ll settle for you because you’re apparently going to be giving her things she “needs”?
Because that’s totally the relationship nice guys always dream of having- pandering a gold digger who values him solely for what he DOES.
Actually no, I take that back.
Not all women are like this guys- at the end of the day, it’s just a stupid article generalizing that all women are the same. If they were right about that (and they’re not), THEN don’t bother being nice.
But in reality, there ARE nice girls out there who were never into bad boys. Just keep an eye out for fake girls putting on phony acts.
I’m a “nice guy” and women like me because I’m also interesting. The main thing that “nice guys” (yes the quotes are very intentional) don’t realize is that if you are naturally nice, you can let the “bad” stuff flow and you will still be nice. Especially compared to jerks. Don’t try to look towards the bad stuff. Just don’t worry about things that might go wrong or could be taken as mean. It probably won’t. You’ll notice you’ll do a lot more interesting things when you aren’t so concerned with what other people think.
There are many articles on the net that say females don’t want nice guys. I think it is true. I am a nice guy. I always tried to be kind and loving and it seemed like the the females got bored with me. I do think that young females want the bad boy, until they are ready to settle down then nice and stable guys are wanted. Recently, an ex who told me I was too boring contacted me out of the blue and wanted to go for drinks. I declined. If I was too boring then and am even… Read more »
If they put nice guy in quotes like this “nice guy” ™ they are not referring to guys who are actually nice.
“@Archy – No one purposely chases a ‘bad girl’ or ‘bad guy’. People chase those who excite them. ” Yes, there are women who do purposely chase bad guys. Ted Bundy has female fans, outlaw bikers/gangsters have partners who know straight away they are violent, they are bad, and yet still go for them. They are turned on by bad. Serial killers get heaps of letters of love from some women (hybristophilia) and I’m yet to see anything even remotely as close to that in men being attracted to bad people. ” Then there are the millions of movies that… Read more »
When you start bringing up people who are attracted to the likes of Ted Bundy, you’re talking about outliners of society. You are using extreme situations as if it’s going to be the normal experience for the average woman dating ‘bad boys’ when it’s simply not. The average woman’s dating experiences do not include pursuing or dating serial killers or men in prison. The average man and woman would most likely describe a ‘bad boy’ or ‘bad girl’ as someone who is an extreme flirt, maybe even a serial cheater, party animal or likes to drink too much or takes… Read more »
Why do you even bother replying to me when you consistently fail to understand my comments? I wasn’t at all implying most or the majority of women chase bad boys. You’re purposely misreading my comments to fit your narrative of thinking I want to blame women. “Please don’t think that just because you included the very tiny little comment that ..’of course it’s bad because women are not monoliths’, that this justifies or explains why you were allowed to make a ton of generalizations about women in the vast majority of your comments here. The majority of your posts in… Read more »
For some reason, I couldn’t ‘reply’ above so here is my response to a discussion that started above. @FlyingKal – Ha! Good answer. @Archy – No one purposely chases a ‘bad girl’ or ‘bad guy’. People chase those who excite them. Sometimes people who are exciting are ‘good’, sometimes they are ‘bad’ and sometimes they are inbetween. After all, no one has all ‘bad’ qualities or all ‘good’ ones. Men are *just* as guilty of picking the exciting woman who isn’t always the best partner. My brother ended up in an abusive relationship with a woman and when asked why… Read more »
Lol “Women are gonna fuck 400 hot dudes and not give a shit about any other kind of dude and when they’re done and decide to settle for one of the weaker in the pack then it’s okay.”
You’re a goddamn fool.
Ah. The day when ‘the good men project’ becomes yet another MRA activist page, hating on women.
Ugh, no GMP, just no. Please don’t perpetuate this toxic Nice Guy (TM) trash.
Nice Guys think that they are owed dates and sex because they hit the basic minimum standards of human behaviour. To my embarrassment I used to feel that when when I was in my early 20s, but a bit of maturity and being exposed to better messages pulled my head straight.
The Good Men Project should be providing positive examples and advice, not subtly misogynistic nonsense like this.
wow. what a load of one-sided, Mysogynistic, generalist nonsense.
You do realization generalizations are a very important part of life, and science for that matter?
Very disappointing to see this on The Good Men Project, which usually has interesting, quality content. This reads like just yet another whinging rant by a petulant boy who doesn’t understand why the women he’s attracted to don’t like him. Blah, blah, blah.
And you have never been attracted to anyone who rejected you? My advice to him would be to go MGTOW and save himself the stress and worry about what someone else likes.
@ Wes.. Why should he throw the baby out with the bath water? Since my divorce….I have become far more skeptical of women. However, I still remain open to women. I love women. I enjoy talking to them. I enjoy spending time with them. I am heterosexual so I love sex with women. I just engage them differently. I think what men do not understand is that we can control our interactions with women. We do not have to be at the mercy of women or anyone for that matter. The more prudent (and socially healthy) way to proceed is… Read more »
This is the first piece of sexist shit I’ve ever seen on Good Men Project. What a disappointment and surprise. I’m unfollowing and unliking GMP everywhere. What the hell were you thinking with this?
🙂
How about you shut the fuck up? The only sexist THING on here is YOU and your female fembots who cry about anything male related. Christ, you would think someone kicked your puppy. Shut the fuck up already – you aren’t worth listening to and you paint all men like losers and users. Kill yourself bitch.
One woman’s jerk is another woman’s nice guy. It’s just all about whether you are a match or not. Many of us date a lot of bad matches (for us) before we meet one who we truly connect with.
No, a jerk is a jerk. Your feelings don’t change reality.
The problem being, that by the time these women come around, these men have moved on to a more appealing selection of women. Why do you think there are so many articles going around about women who used to party in their youth but now cannot find a suitable partner? The icing on the cake of course, is that the situation they find themselves in is always someone else’s fault.
As someone pointed out in a similar thread a month or two ago about nice guys, why should nice guys go out and married these women who ignore them or refuse to go out with them in the first place and then 5 to 20 years later, these same women now want a nice guy?
G
The sad thing is that if Ann ,Kathy, Sue and Elisabeth …rejected Bob when he wanted to date them in his twenties
Bob then later on in his thirties take revenge and say NO to Elin, Viktoria, Amanda ….that see him as a good man and fall in love with him.
Displaced aggression , is not a smart move.
Of course you can take revenge on women for the rest of your life because some rejected you in your youth.
Rather foolish I think.
Silke,
Revenge? What do you mean? Why do you presume it is revenge?
Is a man is required to fall in love with any woman who at any time shows an interest in him?
As you say, they may now in their 30’s see the good man that Bob is.
That does not mean that any woman automatically is entitled to his attention and companionship!
Flyingkal It is not always revenge that makes a man like Bob turn against women the day they like him. But It can be revenge ,when a man that longed for an intimate romantic relationship with a women withdraws and refuse to have anything more to do with women even if they fall in love with him as he matures and develops. Just take visit to the websites for MGTOW ,you will see a lot of feelings of revenge towards women. But I agree with you that it can be many reasons why our Bob do not want anything to… Read more »
A correction.
I misunderstood what Cinderella complex meant,so I remove my last sentence from my comment.
Theory: Could some women be looking for power / position rather than a bad ass? I’ve met some women who’ve looked for the bad boy because they viewed him as an attack dog. They either never realized that he would treat them poorly also or his poor treatment of them was just proof that he was capable of anti-social behavior. when she required it. Could it be that these same women still looking for men with power and position have simply realized that power takes many forms. Men with wealth have power. Men with titles (good jobs) have powers. It’s… Read more »
John
Yes , some women can find power an afrodisiace .
(Maybe for many women),
and I guess being with a man with power ,gives a sense of protection and security, and status as well.