I’ve struggled so much to finally write this article. It’s been brewing for quite a while now, and because I’m generally conflict avoidant, I find it hard to write things that will make people angry.
I also don’t like to get my own feelings hurt, especially when I’m trying to write well-intentioned words meant to make society a better place.
So a warning before you read.
I’m about to try and spread sunshine. I’m about to preach love, not hate. I’m about to ask you to be open-minded and not angry.
And if you’re really not into those things, I mean really, really not into those things, then don’t waste your time reading more.
But if there’s a small part of you that looks at society and says, “Something has to change,” please read on.
If there’s a small part of you that worries about the world your children will grow up in, read on.
And if there’s a darkness inside that you can’t quite explain or erase, I really hope you’ll keep reading.
Because maybe there’s a way to transform our world into a kinder place. Maybe there’s a way to transform ourselves into better people. Maybe there’s a way to push away the pain and anger in our hearts and make room for some light.
And Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s words helped me see how we can start to repair a nation that is wounded, bleeding out, and often out for others’ blood at the same time.
His ability to hold onto hope and love amid the darkest suffering imaginable is what led me to study him. He spent three years in four different concentration camps and lost his whose father, mother, brother, and pregnant wife in camps as well.
And if anyone who lived through the hell of the Holocaust can find room in his soul for sunshine, I’m fairly certain they can help me find my own (and maybe yours and maybe the whole world’s as well).
Lesson One: Love Can Change the World
With these words, Frankl explains that love is the only real way to change the world and its people, so he asks us to look at each person with love first. Before we let our anger and rage take over, before past traumas and collective histories lead us to fury, before we let our ignorance and misconceptions and prejudices erase the person we see right in front of us.
And Frankl also urges us to come to every person believing that there is goodness in them, even if they are flawed and angry, seething with venom, or hell-bent on hate.
He wants us to consider the fact that life is cruel and often unfair. He wants us to consider that others have thrown punches at hearts that have not yet been healed. He wants us to understand that a person’s world may have been littered with unknown or ignored pain, suffering, and cruelty.
He wants us to consider how these sufferings may have broken them emotionally, physically, or otherwise.
He wants us to think about the fact that many people have borne wounds from abusive fathers, inherited prejudices from narrow minded families, or seen those they loved tortured, grief-stricken, raped, murdered, or brutalized simply because of their gender or the color of their skin.
But even if these people come out slinging with negativity and hatred and blame, and even if those emotions are aimed directly at us, he wants us to try to find something salvageable, something in that person that has the potential to change, something we can change by our words and actions.
And how does Frankl say we go about that change?
We show love. We show kindness. We destroy the hate and anger with our acts, minute by minute, day by day, and year by year.
Lesson Two: Look at Each person as an Individual — Not a Group
The world is a place of unfathomable cruelty and murderous prejudices, and I’m sure Viktor Frankl can provide hundreds of examples of that as it relates to his experiences in the Holocaust.
However, he could still see the truth in the midst of his own suffering, which is that each man deserves to be judged by his own actions. And even though many of his own people were angry and horrified by what he said, Frankl realized that the only way to stop prejudice is not to perpetuate it.
To learn who a person is, look at what they do — not the actions of others who share the same holy book, genitalia, facial features, or ethnicity.
To learn who a person is, listen to what they say — not the words of others who share the same holy book, genitalia, facial features, or ethnicity.
To learn who a person is, look at how they treat people — not the deeds of others who share the same holy book, genitalia, facial features, or ethnicity.
And if I’m honest, this quote is what touched me the most out of all that I read on Frankl.
Perhaps I connected so deeply with this quote because our world is so marred with name-calling and labeling.
For example, I have a son who argued with one of my husband’s friends that “All Lives Matter” was not the same as “Black Lives Matter.”
This was not a sign of the patriarchy at work.
It was one boy who saw the need for marginalized voices to be heard louder than any other voices.
I also have a husband who urged me to quit breastfeeding because it was exhausting me to the point of a nervous breakdown. He said he wanted me to bottle feed so he could get up in the middle of the night and help share the responsibilities of raising a child.
This was not a sign of the patriarchy at work.
It was one man who realized the heavy burden women carry when it comes to motherhood and who wanted to lift that weight.
Yes, I realize how fortunate I am to have these men in my life. But I also see male strangers every day who show acts of kindness, selflessness, and humility.
And Frankl states that all people deserve to be honored or criticized according to their own deeds.
All women. All Caucasians. All African Americans. All Latinos. All Jews. All Muslims. All Asians. All the poor, and all the rich. (You get the idea, right?)
The truth is unfairly making assumptions about others only contributes to the cycle of anger and stereotyping plaguing our planet.
Please don’t get me wrong. People who do bad things deserve to be called out for those bad things — but their sins are theirs alone.
And no matter how much of the majority may seem to fit a label — the very fact that some people are not part of that majority makes it unfit to make blanket statements.
For example, we can’t say a bleak, barren shoreline is void of beauty if we see one — just one — beautiful shell lying in the sand. And what we need to consider is the presence of this one beautiful shell hints that other beautiful ones may be hidden nearby.
And I believe as Frankl does, that maybe we need to look at “groups” of people in our world the same way.
Lesson Three: Join the Minority
Even though Frankl fought for each man to be evaluated on his own merit, he also saw the sad fact of humanity — that there will always be more evil and cruelty in the world than kindness.
But he also sees that each human has a choice about how they exist within that reality. A choice that centers mainly around how we treat others.
For example, at the onset of COVID, my fourteen-year-old nephew saw no need in wearing a mask. He told his mother he had done research and most children who became infected were fine. He said some of his friends caught it and didn’t even know they had it until a family member caught the virus, and they had to be tested. He also revealed that personally, he thought masks were ineffective.
His mother’s response to his statements?
She said, “The world is in trouble. People are dying, and yes, no one knows exactly whether or not what we do will help prevent the disease. But we can choose to be part of the problem or part of the solution. So let’s be part of the solution.”
And Frankl challenges us to be part of the solution.
He wants us to fight against oppression. He wants us to do so in productive ways. He wants us to stand and raise our voices — but not our fists.
He wants us to spread goodwill whenever there are opportunities and dispel hate whenever possible.
He wants us to show forgiveness, mercy, and human decency because he believes those actions will rub off on the vengeful, merciless, and indecent.
And yes, many will say he was a dreamer. They will say he needed to have woken up and understood that the only solution for change is to take “an eye for an eye” and “fight fire with fire.”
And I think Frankl’s response to those ideas could be assumed in the following warning he gives the world:
He wants us to be aware of the risks we run if we choose to join the heartless, the indifferent, the ones who say in of our troubled world, “When in Rome, live as the Romans do.”
Instead, he wants us to say, “When in Rome (or any other place in the world), do as ‘decent people’ do. Join the minority who choose kindness. Not the majority who choose hate.”
The Bottom Line:
Frankl says in his book The Doctor and the Soul:
Our world is unfinished. We are unfinished, and each of us has an instrument we play in the planet’s magnum opus. Let’s seek to make extraordinary music for ourselves and our children.
And hate?
Hate always strikes the wrong note.
Note: Unless otherwise noted, all quotes come from Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning and can be found on Goodreads.com.
—
This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.