Revolving my life around my relationship was my biggest mistake. I was obsessed with constantly trying to make it better, more stable, and last longer.
But the more I tried, the more failure I experienced in my love life. As if I was on this hamster wheel and nothing ever worked out.
We’re told that relationship is the most significant part of our life. There’s no point in having so much money in the world if you don’t have someone to share it with.
However, we also forget that relationship isn’t THE only thing that makes life more meaningful.
Put too much focus on it, and you’ll see how it makes life more complicated than it should be.
Why you should care about life outside of your relationship
The main reason for having other things going on in your life is that it helps the relationship in a healthy mental state.
Imagine not having a career to work on, no friends and family — what’s there to talk about day-to-day? The relationship will get boring real quick.
It’s true when they say the more interesting we’re as a person, the more attractive we become. In other words, if you give up the things you love to focus on the relationship, eventually, your partner might lose interest.
Here are some other practical reasons why you shouldn’t focus too much on your relationship:
- Doing so will make you lose yourself. Trust me, I’ve witnessed those women who give up their careers and passions to settle down: they’re less happy now.
- Having something going on in your life will keep you feeling secure. Let’s say the relationship goes south. You won’t be worried about what life will look like without your partner.
- It helps you and your partner get closer emotionally because you have more interest to share. Honestly, there’s no better feeling than having your partner’s support to chase your goals.
- Every relationship has its own phase. When you get into the “boring and mundane” phase, you won’t be too stressed out about it. You just let it be and still feel happy because your life isn’t all about your relationship.
Here’s how to start
While we can’t change overnight from putting 100% attention on our relationship to nothing, we can always take baby steps.
Here are some ideas you can try on:
- Make it a non-negotiable that you take at least one day off every week just to be with yourself. No talking with your partner, no discussion, no going out for dinner. Dedicate one day and be strict about it.
- Pick up new (or old) hobbies. Nowadays, everything’s pretty much accessible. You can always work on something new — that has nothing to do with your romantic relationship.
- How’s your friendship so far? Invest more time to strengthen it or even build a new one if you feel like you don’t have enough people you can rely on.
- Are you stuck in your career life? Find a way to upgrade your skill or maybe start a side hustle just for fun as I did.
- Check up on your family and get to know them on a deeper level. Your partner might still be with you for a long time, but your parents won’t be around forever.
Sometimes dating hiatus is all you need
I never realized how life-changing it is to do a dating hiatus until I tried it myself.
I stopped dating and anything related to it for about 3 years. While I did feel lonely, it also felt refreshing.
If you grew up being told that only being in a relationship will make you happy, taking a break from dating will blow your mind. You’ll realize all those beliefs you hold on to are false.
Yes, a romantic relationship can make you happy and less alone. However, make sure you’re with the right person who genuinely wants to grow with you.
Still, it doesn’t mean you can’t be happy on your own.
I’ve had many single friends who are just thriving in life, and some mingle miserable friends. Being with someone doesn’t necessarily guarantee a better life.
I still think everyone at some point needs to take a dating hiatus just to see how their mindsets on happiness and life in general change.
You’ll see how big the world actually is. It feels silly to limit yourself and think of the relationship as the only source of your happiness.
Overall, I hope reading this will help you find clarity.
I hope you know you can be happy with or without someone beside you. Many have proved it to be true.
Being in a relationship shouldn’t make you expect anything magical happens in your life.
I’ve been in one for almost 7 years now, and I can tell you this: no one can give you that contentment and happiest feeling except you.
“Life is short. The world is big. It awaits your exploration. If you’re not living on the edge, you’re just taking up way too much space.” ― Paul Beaver
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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