There are three main types of men I meet in my role as a dating coach.
Shy guys who are terrified of women. Nice guys who make fatal errors when trying to date. Guys who studied pick-up artistry for years and became pretty damn good at it.
Then, there are the naturals. These guys don’t hire dating coaches. In fact, they’ve probably not read a word of dating advice in their lives. These are the men who attract women effortlessly, but have no idea what they did to seduce them. It just comes naturally. If you ask them for advice, they’ll probably tell you to “just say hi” or “be confident, bro”.
All men wish they could be naturals. That way, they wouldn’t have to waste time reading dating advice on Medium. The thing is: there are very few out there. Most men fall into one of the other three categories.
Still, throughout my time as a dating coach, I’ve learned a lot about what makes a natural (and why you’re probably not one).
This information could be useful to any man who wants to become naturally good with women.
So, let’s dive in.
How Do Naturals Become Naturals?
A lot of naturals are very handsome.
Perhaps you’ve always figured that their good looks made them attractive to women. But it’s not as simple as that.
After all, there are a lot of good-looking guys who are useless with women. Rich guys, too.
Good looks and money do play a role in the making of a natural, but an indirect one.
The making of a natural actually lies in his confidence, which can be tracked all the way back to his childhood.
As toddlers, we all carry supreme confidence into our social interactions. We yell our opinions at full volume. We carry no fear of saying something stupid. We assume everyone wants to be our friend. All while our parents clap and smile.
However, most of us eventually encounter negative feedback. Usually, it’s from family members, teachers or school bullies. So, we start to doubt ourselves.
We carry that doubt into our interactions with girls at school. We want them to like us instead of assuming they will. Perhaps we get shot down by our first crush and it hurts like hell. This can create a downward spiral that ruins our confidence all the way into adulthood.
The naturals are the lucky few who never had that serious negative feedback. If they were handsome, they were raised on compliments about their looks. They got attention from the girls in grade school. They were constantly told they’d become ‘heartbreakers’, so that’s what they become. Spoiled rich kids usually become ‘heartbreakers’ too, especially when raised to believe they’re better than everyone else.
Essentially, naturals maintain the confidence and entitlement of toddlers, while the rest of us had it stripped away.
They approach women believing it’s going to go well, and it usually does. It’s the law of state transference in action and it’s sexy as all hell.
How To Become As Successful As A Natural
As I mentioned, naturals don’t type “how to get girls” into Google. That’s the search of a desperate man.
Still, it’s one that can lead you down the rabbit hole of the men’s dating advice community. And that might just save your love life.
When I made that search in 2014, the community was still dominated by pick-up artists. These zany characters would mostly use canned lines and corny routines to seduce the opposite sex. Nowadays, that’s seen as cringeworthy, and rightly so.
The thing is: these lines actually worked for me! I got laid dozens of times within my first six months of learning them, then got into a relationship with the hottest woman I’d ever dated. This was after a year-long dry spell too.
In hindsight, I can now see it wasn’t the lines that got the girls. It was my confidence in the lines. I would approach women with a fresh swagger that impressed them and inspired me to push things further.
The main criticism of pick-up artist tactics is they’re just corny tricks. There’s no personal growth. Fledgling PUAs remain the same unconfident losers deep down. Once their lines run out, their swag runs out. This makes it impossible to keep women’s interest for very long.
Thankfully, the men’s dating community has evolved since then. Now, dating coaches teach you how to build your self-esteem and become the confident man that women are attracted to.
That’s what my business partner Ciaran Callam and I focus on, anyway. We both discovered that this was all we ever needed.
With the help of an accomplished dating coach, you can start behaving exactly like the naturals who date the hottest women in your city.
The only difference is: you had to study and practice to get there.
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Want to dive deeper into this topic? My book The Thrill Of The Chase tells the full story of how I learned to overcome heartbreak, enjoy the single life and start dating the women I always wanted. A fantastic introduction to the world of men’s dating advice.
You can learn more by clicking here or watching the video below.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: JLC IMAGERY on Unsplash