Cheating is a dirty word. And a fact of life that many couples go through. It’s a painful human experience that can be traumatic for some. Cheating usually happens when a person is not satisfied with their relationship or perhaps they feel there’s something missing.
Whatever the reason, I can’t say that I accept the behavior of cheaters. Especially since it’s a sore point, having experienced a partner who has cheated. Since then I’ve interviewed 100s of women to find out why they cheat on their partners?
“Cheating on someone you love is like throwing away a diamond and replacing it with a rock.”
My research began after my boyfriend cheated on me. The person I loved connected with another woman whilst I was studying. When I found out, all trust was lost. His reason was: “It was just a flirtation that went too far.” He slept with my best friend. They shared common ground: me. Their affair died as soon as I left the equation. It left me wondering if I could have done more with both of my relationships. And after six months had passed, I realized I was much better off without them.
On the flipside, women cheat mostly because they’re missing the emotional connection with their partners and feel lonely. They experience the lack of communication, passion, and even old fashioned intimacy such as holding hands.
After collating data from women to find out what went wrong with their relationships, I’ve compiled the common reasons why women cheat. This list includes solutions to help you save your relationship and get you back on track:
#1 Emotional Connection
Many women who cheat complain they have little to no emotional connection with their man. This may be due to him being exhausted from work or having too much on. He may be working so hard, he’s done talking for the night.
The Solution: Date Night
Take your woman on a date every week. It’s pretty simple. Take her to dinner, make her dinner or go see a movie together. You don’t have to talk when you’re looking lovingly into each others’ eyes. Wrap your arms around her at the movies or hold her hands. A little affection and romance goes a long way. If she’s not affectionate, then show her by spending quality time with her doing something she enjoys.
#2 Feeling Appreciated
When you’re busy at work, or out socializing, you can expect she will get tired of waiting to spend time with you. Leave her solo and you’re giving her permission – and perhaps a reason – to cheat.
The Solution: Be there
Make time for her, even if it’s a 10-minute phone conversation to make future plans. When you let her know you care, it helps bond the emotional connection between the two of you.
#3 She’s Received a Promotion
Women like to have projects and goals. When she’s reached a milestone in her career, she may start to question what to do next. Usually, she will look closely at her relationship. This is where most guys make the mistake of not making a point to celebrate their partner’s accomplishments.
The Plan: Boast about her promotion
When she sees that you’re proud, she will feel valued by you as she does at work. This means she will not look for emotional connection elsewhere.
#4 She’s moving in with you
It may have been her idea, but now that you’re together you think you don’t have to keep the conversation flowing all the time. Most women may subconsciously interpret your silence as you think she’s boring. It can open the door for someone else to find her attractive and intriguing. There may be the slightest notion that the next step is an engagement or marriage. This is common for women to believe there is a future with her man.
The Solution: Make your future plans clear
Talk about living together as a starting point. Make sure you talk about her in your future. Be honest about what the future looks like for the both of you.
#5 She thinks you’ve cheated
Revenge affairs are common. Women have them in an attempt to restore self-esteem and feel desirable again. She may not want to cheat but the fact that you’ve done it may weaken her self-control.
The Solution: If you’re cheating or have cheated before, confess and apologize. Be a man of action and admit fault by taking action right now. A survey conducted by Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth, shows that 86 percent of couples who discussed one partner’s affairs are still married, compared with 59 percent of couples who barely talk about it.
And if you’re not cheating, your woman has low self-esteem. If that’s the case it’s better to compliment her sincerely and do this often. When you build her confidence she will stop being vulnerable to suspicions. Be mindful that some women may have trust issues because they’ve witnessed their parents being cheated on.
#6 She’s Not Getting Enough Intimacy
The hormone Oxytocin plays a central role in our urge to bond. It spikes three to five times higher than usual just before an orgasm. The hormone is more intense in females than in males, so women develop a stronger sense of bonding through sex.
If you’re not having as much sex as you used to, she may interpret this as a sign you don’t find her attractive or love her. Again this may make her find someone else outside the relationship to validate she’s sexually attractive.
The Solution: Have more sex
If she’s the one who doesn’t want sex, investigate why. Work on a solution to fix this together. Then make it your goal to bond with her. Sometimes going back to basics such as dating helps.
Every time my grandparents would go through a rough patch, my Granddad would ask my Grandmother out on a date. He would leave the house when she was getting ready. An hour later he would knock on the front door with a bunch of flowers. She would tell him he was a silly man, but secretly we all knew she loved it. It made her feel appreciated. They would go out for a nice meal and after dinner would go for a stroll, where he would make her laugh. The end result was that they had a long, healthy and happy marriage together.
#7 She’s Ready to Run
The last reason a woman might cheat: She wants to end things with you. It may be on purpose as an easy way out, especially if the relationship is bad.
The Solution: Let her go
In this case it’s better to let go and move forward. It may feel bad but it’s better to be free. Be a man of action and align yourself with your values. Make a list of the traits you’d like in a partner and then aim for these.
In last week’s post, How I Learned One Important Life Lesson from My Two Dads, I mentioned that my step dad left. What I didn’t mention is he left because he had an affair. Mum realized she had to let him go. There was no way she could manage a separation with two small children in a foreign country without support. So she packed our bags and we headed to Australia to live with her sister.
No matter what reason your woman cheats, if you’re questioning whether this person is the one or your values are not the same, then it probably won’t work out. At some point you’ll ask yourself:
“What part did I play in this?”
Intimacy and emotional connection are not always about sex. It’s the non-physical connections and mutual emotional support you give each other. And if you’ve discovered she’s been unfaithful, do you really want her back?
In order to repair the relationship, you will have to understand and be prepared to analyze why she did it. Ask yourself if this is just a mistake or were you stingy with emotional support? Sometimes part of the problem is hidden deep within ourselves. It takes a lot of strength and patience to see beyond the initial betrayal.
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