It’s usually harder for younger men to look past a woman’s looks. But, it happens. Here, a young writer schools his Gen-Y brethren.
As time progresses, generations seem to only become more superficial. Every other week we hear about some new fad diet, juice cleanse or skincare treatment. It’s completely acceptable for people to want to take care of themselves, as your outward appearance is a reflection of your own self-image.
However, if you start getting carried away with the value you attest to the way people look, you may easily get caught up in a gilded lifestyle.
This infatuation with looks and outward appearances is the start of a slippery slope, where Generation-Y may start to hold looks and extrinsic superficialities to a higher degree than what really counts, and for that matter, lasts: what’s on the inside.
All too often I see guys fawning over women who have nothing to offer aside from their good looks. They jump through hoops as they try to impress these women.
They buy them drinks, take them out to dinners and shower them with attention. They pursue these facades of beauty in hopes that they will bolster their own egos and self-worth. They want to show off their latest conquest to all their friends, and they want to be held in high regard because they managed to pull the illustrious, size-zero model.
But what does it all mean when a guy tries to fill this void with hollow hopes and empty optimism?
One of the worst things you can do is blind yourself to the truth and idealize a woman simply because she’s hot.
For example, you see a hot girl at a bar, you approach her and start talking to her. She reciprocates your kindness and you start having a conversation. You gaze deeply into her eyes with half your attention on the content she’s saying, and the other half on thoughts of how great you’d feel if you brought her home.
As things move forward, you start to convince yourself that she has a lot going for her. You award high praise to minor accomplishments. You find out more about her, and as the relationship progresses you tell her more about yourself. Maybe somewhere along the line she tells you a few things about herself that would normally be off-putting, but you’re so starry-eyed over her shimmering blonde hair and glistening blue eyes that you look past the red flags and play up her positive attributes in your head.
You push these red flags out of your field of vision and you selectively focus on what you think could potentially make her special.
You no longer see the girl for who she is, but rather, who you want her to be. You start to create an illusion for yourself where the girl is someone she’s not. Once you’ve gotten to this point, it’s all down hill from there.
If your goal right now is to f*ck as many girls as possible, then by all means, stop reading this and carry on. This article isn’t for you.
However, if your goal is to develop something a little more meaningful than what you have with your 1 am booty call, your garden-variety one-night stand or your right hand, you need to develop some criteria for women that goes far beyond their hair color and skin tone.
You need a basis on which you toss up red flags; one that goes beyond “she’s too hard-to-get” or “she’s not blonde.” Most importantly, you need to take the models off the pedestal and start seeing people for who they really are, not who they appear to be.
Before you get heavily invested in any relationship, take a second to step back and analyze why you want to continue moving forward. Think about who you are as a person and what type of friends you hold closely. Think about the values and ideals you hold at your core, and think about the direction you really want to move in your life.
Develop your own set of definitive criteria by which you gauge potential relationships.
If your primary concern is finding a girl who’d make a hot trophy wife, you’re likely to end up with hefty bills from Saks Fifth Avenue, plastic surgeries and potentially later on down the line, divorce attorneys. But, if you concern yourself with true happiness and pay attention to the innermost lasting qualities women have to offer, you’ll be setting yourself up for a lot less headaches.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that a woman’s looks don’t matter to me — they do. What I’m saying is that looks should not take precedence over personality. One of my biggest goals in life is to find a woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I realize that’s a tall order, but I also realize that most things in life that are worth having won’t be easily attainable.
Don’t settle for someone who is one-dimensional; don’t settle for someone who doesn’t meet your standards. Most importantly, don’t fill in the blanks for a girl’s personality just because you think she’s hot.
Always remember that outer beauty is a depreciating asset. If you spend all your time and efforts chasing superficial beauty that isn’t backed by substantial personality, you’re really just chasing an empty shell of a person.
Life is too damn short to waste your time with people who just don’t have any substance behind their looks.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: Austin Pourmoussa. Austin is an aspiring surgeon hailing from the sun-soaked paradise formally known as Los Angeles. He is an adventurous man with an insatiable taste for the finer things in life, and when he’s not working hard he’s stopping to smell the roses. Medicine, food, music, cars, and writing are his most paramount passions and he is constantly looking for new ways to not only immerse himself in these fields, but also open new worlds for those around him.