Question: Should I be concerned if my wife and I are sleeping in separate beds? She said it was because she couldn’t sleep well. Yet we always slept in the same bed when we were first dating and when we were first married. Nothing has changed at least I don’t think it has. Please don’t tell me I am missing some sort of a red flag! Do you think everything’s ok?
Answer: Yes, I definitely think somethings up! The status quo has shifted my friend. Are you still having the same amount of sex just not in the same bed overnight? How’s the sex going? Is the flirtatiousness, kindness and physical touch still there?
Have you started snoring? Did you develop a late night television have it? Did you do something to piss her off but you guys just don’t talk about it? Is she sleeping with children in her bed? The main thing that concerns me is that you used to sleep together but now you’re not. And it was something that worked and now it doesn’t.
Every marriage goes through challenges so there’s nothing wrong about that. Yet the foundation of a healthy marriage is one where you can talk about things that are uncomfortable and stay honest, nonjudgmental, connected, and vulnerable.
Put things in the sandwich… Talk to her by having the first ‘piece of bread’ be something that brings you closer, like gratitude or appreciation, “I love you sweetheart. I’m so committed to our marriage thriving.”
Then the meat and cheese of the sandwich in the middle… “I could be wrong (takes her off the defensive) yet I’m noticing that were sleeping in separate beds and this makes me worried that something is wrong. I’m afraid that I haven’t made it safe for you to talk to me, that you just don’t know how to tell me.”
The other piece of bread, “I want you to know that I’m committed to our marriage thriving and I really miss you and bed. I’d like to make things right again so we could share our bed and our bodies and our souls together… Could you help me understand what I missing?”
If that goes well, then you’re on the path to reconnecting well! Well done! If that doesn’t go well then you might need the support of a spiritual counselor such as myself to provide a safe, nonjudgmental and unconditionally loving space for both of you to be heard and grow so your relationship evolves to the next level of intimacy trust, honor and connection. You can apply for a complementary strategy session with me at www.allanapratt.com/connect Let’s see what’s possible here by leaning in 😉
By nipping this in the bud and learning the communication skills to address any bump in the road, it ensures you get through this issue now and also supports you to thrive for the rest of your days together 🙂 All my love, Allana XO XO
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com