Do nice guys really finish last? Katerina Simms responds to the age-old debate.
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I have two reasons for writing this post. The first, because there are a lot of confused guys out there who can’t decide if it’s worthwhile being ‘nice’. The second, because there are a lot of women expressing their annoyance at men being ‘jerks’, or at themselves for their attraction to jerks. Moreover I want to address the common saying ‘nice guys finish last’.
Before I get to the reason why I believe nice guys don’t finish last, I think it’s important that I distinguish the two groups of nice guys out there. The first group is the genuine type. I’ll just refer to him as a nice guy, because he genuinely is a nice guy – simple as that. But for the purposes of this article I’ll refer to the next type as the “Nice Guy” (notice my use of quotation marks). He’s not really a nice guy, though he’d like to think he is, and this type of guy always manages to ruin it for the others.
There are usually two reasons women don’t react well to “Nice Guys”:
- They are pushovers and passive.
They finish last because they haven’t worked on their insecurities enough to act or make a move on the woman they are attracted to. They make nice guys in general look weak.
OR
- They are just as bad or manipulative as the ‘jerks’.
A good analogy I’ve heard is that “Nice Guys” treat women like vending machines. They think that by inserting kindness, they can rightfully expect sex or a relationship dispensed in return. When this does not happen you get a slew of abuse from these guys, and thus women start to associate ‘niceness’ with disingenuous behavior.
A TRUE nice guy usually doesn’t feel the need to advertise his ‘niceness’. He’s just being who he is, take it or leave it. The difference here is one is ‘acting’ nice and the other is ‘being’ nice.
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The big red flag for a “Nice Guy” is that he’ll usually feel the need to tell a woman he’s nice. Because of the reasons I’ve listed above, I find “Nice Guys” usually display unspoken dislike for women, even though their goal is to get one. They carry a big chip on their shoulder and everyone can see it except for them. Where as a TRUE nice guy usually doesn’t feel the need to advertise his ‘niceness’. He’s just being who he is, take it or leave it. The difference here is one is ‘acting’ nice and the other is ‘being’ nice.
But women have their own issues too, and sometimes, genuine nice guys end up paying the price:
“If a guy is really nice, women discard him into the friend pile with the word ‘nice’ cropping up repeatedly. He’s also often completely disregarded as boring and some women will wonder if he’s gay because he’s being so nice… It is frightening to think that we would take a guy walking all over us and treating us like shit any day over a man that wants to be nice to us…
The reason why women chase bad boys is because of the thrill of the chase, the occasional hints of a better character, and the twisted notion that these guys are ‘men’.” – source
The thing is, not all women are ‘there’ yet when it comes to being able to love a nice guy. While some guys struggle over why women don’t ‘want’ nice; a lot of women are still trying to figure out why they keep going for the same mean men. I discuss the reasons for this in other posts, but to the guys reading this, keep this fact in mind… Next time you feel that familiar lean toward the good old “women only want losers” argument, consider that maybe the woman you’re interested in may be wresting her own demons.
This brings me to my next point…
Nice guys don’t finish last, because while they might lose a few female interests here and there, true nice guys are usually in it for the long haul.
In other words, most nice guys end up winning in the end via the quality of relationships they develop in their lives.
As mentioned above, sometimes it takes a woman having to go through some self discovery, and a bad relationship or two, to realize that a) they don’t in fact want to spend eternity with a jerk, and b) maybe they have a few issues and self-beliefs they need to work through so that they can accept ‘nice’ as an attractive trait.
That doesn’t mean a man should wait around for any particular woman – for some, these realizations and discoveries will never happen. But I do find that as women mature (usually late twenties/ early thirties), they generally steer away from jerky behavior. They lift their standards and start aiming for men who don’t equate their masculinity with dominance over their partner. I’ve gone through this transition myself and I’ve seen many other women go through it too. Nice guys do win, it sometimes takes a while is all.
There are wider reasons why a man should not stop being a nice guy, and why women need to work on themselves to accept kind deeds. I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who honestly believes the world needs more crap people, and the fact is, being a ‘bad boy’ is a lazy man’s game. It takes more work to be nice. You can go out there and be an ass, it’ll probably work for you sometimes, but you won’t be getting much by way of value.
Personally, I make the point of trying to be kind and empathetic, and to an extent it’s for selfish reasons. I don’t want those ‘bad boys’ and ‘mean girls’ to win. By this I mean that while I am more vulnerable to rejection by revealing my true self, I am completely unwilling to cave to my rejecters. I refuse to let nasty people beat the ‘niceness’ out of me via their own crap behavior. Yes, they might see me as weak when I show vulnerability, but I know the truth of who I am, and their opinions don’t matter enough to make me stop.
My honest to god/female opinion is that nice guys are the real ‘men’ out there…They aren’t parading their ‘niceness’ so they can get something out of it…They are there everyday, putting themselves on the line by being good and loving human beings..
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My honest to god/ female opinion is that nice guys are the real ‘men’ out there. They are stronger and more ‘masculine’ than any of those ‘bad boys’. They aren’t parading their ‘niceness’ so they can get something out of it. They aren’t parading confrontational behavior in order to assert their ‘manliness’. They are there everyday, putting themselves on the line by being good and loving human beings. They have the heart and strength to show those they love that they care – even if that means getting knocked back from time to time. More than anything, they are consistent with the good things they do.
So to the genuine nice guys out there, please don’t stop and don’t lose heart. At the same time don’t use your gentle nature as an excuse to be passive. Love the women who want you to be kind. They ARE out there. You just need to keep looking and appreciate them when you find them.
To the ladies struggling to be ‘attracted’ to nice guys. My best advice is that if a man isn’t giving you any reason to dismiss him from your life, don’t. Give this new (and nice) guy time to grow on you, and while you’re at it, challenge yourself to push through the self-doubts that will undoubtedly arise as a result. Ask yourself why you allow bad behavior from some, but reject kind deeds from others. Re-evaluate the traits you associate with masculinity, and ask yourself which type of guy is likely to stick around when times get tough, and (assuming you want any) which will make a better father to your children one day. Because I can assure you if you can ask yourself these questions, the resulting answers will be worth the effort of change.
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This article originally appeared on Katerinasimms.com
Photo credit: U.S. Army/flickr
The debate is not Nice vs Jerks. In fact it’s not even non-masculinity vs masculinity. The real debate is Ugly vs Beautiful. Beauty in males has taken precedence beyond any other feature in Western nations, particularly the US. The Beautiful Male gets the lion share of young females while all the other males must wait until the premium females hit the tail end of their fertility. Beautiful males can ascribe to any behavior they want be it masculine self-righteousness, arrogance, niceness, shyness, even femininity and queerness. Today’s modern female doesn’t need to rely on average looking men with salaries because… Read more »
well although I agree with what you said there are two problems: 1. usually those women that end up searching for good guys (genuine nice guys) are not after a couple of bad relationships, are after one or more dozen guys. They both have great expectations as a result and their value is greatly decreased. 2. there is a big problem waking up to reality around 30’s because as a woman your fertility peak ends at 30. is much harder to concieve and there also a lot of other problem. By that time is already too late. Actually there are… Read more »
Hes right Katarina. Whats your function?
So even though genuinely nice guys are punished for being associated with insincere “Nice guys” and treated just as poorly, they “win” because you get what YOU want from them?
Their feelings it seems, are never even considered in this article.
Sorry, but are YOU actually a nice person at all?
As a guy in his late 30’s with a lot of female friends who has been single for over five years I have gone through the whole unrequited love thing way too much. Thankfully neither I or my female friends are arseholes so I haven’t had to suffer being accused of “feeling entitled to anyone’s vagina”. The loneliness and constantly questioning “what’s wrong with me?” is depressing and emotionally draining. As a social but quite sensitive bloke I’ve never had a problem making good female friends or talking to women as human beings (which I know some people suffer from)… Read more »
I have been on that same road like these nice guys and I know how that feel. I have experiences many rejection to a point I am enjoyed the negative emotion from those women and girls that give me each time they said, “You such a nice guys.” Each time that happen to me I have become much colder, lost completely faith on women and girls altogether with the recent girl Jalissa who live near my house a good girl turned bad that she end up going for the bad boys while each time she get heartbroken by him she… Read more »
Actually I realize the girl that I have been friends for four years also went through the same issue with a bad boy and she trying to escape that bf of her. I am helping her out by letting her stay with me in my house. Even though many girls dont see me as a bf materials I am still there for my good friend Stacie when she need me most.
Thank you for such a good, well-rounded article. I have always wondered about “nice guys” pretending to be “bad guys” to get women. If they were truly nice to begin with, wouldn’t being bad emotionally strain them? I have seen a method that seemed very good for “catching” the immature women who are attracted to the jerks. It actually seemed really good. It was basically was to seem more mysterious and to make them desire your approval. But, it just seemed so manipulative, to behave differently from how you normally would to consciously influence someone’s emotions toward you. I can’t… Read more »
Any quality women here looking for a quality man feel free to message me!
Its so hard not to lose hope on finding a wife.
Im 34 and im clearly going to die alone. All of my friends who had emotional problems had girlfriends and I didnt. I hate my life.
I don’t like the red pill people or any of their advice, but you also just intellectualized a thing they describe. They talk about women hitting “the wall” where they’re getting older and running out of time. That’s when women will re-evaluate themselves and settle for something less than they’re used to in order to lock down a marriage and a family. The thing about these articles is everyone either sides with the weird evo-psyche nonsense of redpill or the justification and rationalizing of naturally unfair and unequal paradigms. 25% of adult men will never reproduce. It’s a fact of… Read more »
The thing about your Matrix reference is that 99% of the people out there all think they are ‘blue pill people”. And why shouldn’t we all think that? We all have value and contribute different perspectives. I don’t like when people believe they see the real “truth” over others and look to distinguish themselves as the superior “blue pill” people vs “red pill” people because it’s kind of ego-centric. On that note, women do not “hit the wall” as they get older. Both men and women age. Both men and women learn as they grow older. Both men and women’s… Read more »
Being in a relationship requires much more then just being “nice”. “Nice” women get over-looked too all the time. Both men and women gravitate to what appears to be exciting and fun. I would like if we could stop reinforcing the belief that men are all about picking “nice” women while women only want “bad boys”. If you are a man who continually pursues women that you believe are picking “bad boys” over “nice” men, you may want to examine your own relationship with women and the kind of women you may be picking. Because maybe you are picking the… Read more »
Nice women don’t just get looked over, they get used and abused, as I mentioned in a reply to someone else (and yes, of course the opposite is true also for men). Being nice leaves you vulnerable, but as I said in my article, you can let crap people make you bitter or you can kick them to the curb and find people who appreciate what you have to offer. I guess what we’re both saying is that it comes down to making strong and conscious choices, and not merely placing blame when our choices turn out to be bad.
Women clearly go for unattainable men due to low self esteem. Ive had more to offer a woman than any man Ive met. Yet all women get into codependent relationships and good men like me dont even get any female attention. Its not good for women or good men.
Thanks, Erin. That is the answer to the question that started all of this. “I’m a nice guy. Why don’t I get the girl?” Because there is a lot more to it than just being nice. Question answered, problem solved. Now can we stop bashing me and the rest of the nice guy crew and pretty much stop trying to redefine the word nice?
yes. I have always believed there is a strong selection bias among thr men who complain about being “friend zoned” because they are too “nice.” They all describe similar women. Women who are users who take advantage of them, women who are needy and never reciprocate, women who keep them around to lift heavy objects, provide rides to the airport and a shoulder to cry on when they find out their jerk boyfriend is cheating. Well the women who wouldn’t do these things — the women who are uncomfortable treating a guy as an accessory, who are insightful enough to… Read more »
Here, here!
(1) Expecting things, especially from other people almost always leads to disappointment. (2) If you are doing favors for someone you are not dating or sleeping with, you are not in the “friend zone”, but the “appliance zone.” That is all she will ever see you as. (3) Putting your focus on someone else keeps you from your own goals and happiness. (4) Don’t confuse “nice” with simple common courtesy. Beyond that, you don’t owe anyone anything. (5) If men ever stop thinking with the wrong head, women will be in trouble. No more dinners, drinks or unpaid labor. Not… Read more »
(5) If men ever stop thinking with the wrong head, women will be in trouble. No more dinners, drinks or unpaid labor. Not to mention engagement rings.
That would explain some of the disdain for MGTOW.
“If men ever stop thinking with the wrong head, women will be in trouble. No more dinners, drinks or unpaid labor. Not to mention engagement rings.”
There are some of us who are willing to pay their own way in life. Hell, I do most of the ‘handyman’ work in our household and I can even kill and skin a few animal’s (cos that’s how my daddy raised me)… My partner has decided that in the cause of an apocalypse I’d be the one carrying him around. Not all women are leeches…
I never said that they were. If you really accept that men and women are equal then you accept that both are equally capable of bad behavior. I admire any woman who can make her own way. On the other end of the scale you have women like Heather Mills and Robin Williams ex-wives. As for thinking with the wrong head, men can be their own worst enemies. I have made some really bad decisions myself.
Katerina:
Are you still with your ” partner” ?
Or did he break up with you ?
Nice Guys Finish Last .
Great article Katerina. Yes, the nice guy doesn’t always get what he deserves. Some woman are drawn to the attraction of the bad boy (you always want what you can’t have) and will dismiss him without looking deeper into what the positives would be in dating ‘nice’. That doesn’t mean he is totally unsuccessful with women but by slightly changing his attitude, he can become more successful in relationships (dependant on what he wants. 1 long-term great relationship, better women or to increase the numbers he dates). To do this, nice guy needs to become good guy, assertive guy –… Read more »
As they say, “quality over quantity”, and who needs the drama anyway?
Katerina, this is a terrific article. I’m a former bad boy type who spent his 20’s and a good chunk of his 30’s not being a very nice guy. I just wasn’t good to people, women and men for that matter. As a bad boy type, I honestly found it much easier to meet and date women. At one point however, at age 36, I experienced a bizarre string of personal loss. My grandmother, father and girlfriend all died within a 6 week period in March and April of 2001. I was near rock bottom, and had the awful realization… Read more »
Wow Declan, wonderful story! It sounds like although being a bad boy had its merits, where you’re at now is a much happier place. My partner always says, “it costs nothing to be nice” and I think that’s very true. Being needlessly mean chips away at you more than the one you’re hurting – you just might not know about it at the time. It’s obviously not great that you had to go through what you did, but it’s wonderful that you were able to make a positive out of it in the end.
Katerina : I’m willing to make a bet that your ” partner” is not in the same league of looks as you . You feel comfortable being with a guy who is a bit less attractive than you , as it brings up your ego a few notches . Lol Hate to break it to you but that phrase your partner used : ” Being nice costs nothing ” On a social scale, that is very untrue . It’s costs a man his essence, pride , self esteem , dominance , and allows women to take him for granted .… Read more »
“What we give to others we give to ourselves.” – Gerald Jampolsky There’s a joy in giving that’s intrinsic and has its own reward. It’s funny, you never have to apologize for being kind. Being kind does not entail being passive however. If I see a woman I like I walk right up, make any excuse necessary to get her to connect then do just that. Usually it ends an astonishingly short 5 hours later when when neither of us know where all the time has gone but we have to leave because they’ve closed the venue. Amazing relationships start… Read more »
“Some woman”… ummm… thanks… I think….
“That does not mean that a guy should wait around for a particular woman…” I don’t always agree with stuff that PUAs espouse…but one PUA (Jeffy/RSD) said that he always tries to state his intention toward a woman and escalates….which means that he will do something that is polarizing….so that either she has to decide whether she will stay or go that very evening….no p-ssy-footing around….if she leaves, then say “Good night!”… if she decides to stay, then great… I suspect the “nice guy” tag is another way to say that someone is too cowardly to state clearly his intentions… Read more »
Exactly, it’s not only about checking your own crap behavior but weeding through other’s as well. It comes down to knowing what you want and being able to put your foot down. If someone is being wishy-washy with you and your time, and they refuse to pull themselves up, move on – “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” If they aren’t willing to try, you’re not a jerk for not wanting to stick it out.
You’re right on, Katerina, that there is a difference between being nice and not having a backbone. Those are two completely separate things. It is very revealing to see in this thread the men who sincerely seem to believe that having a backbone equals being a jerk. That tells us a lot about the state of some of our society. If you think you have to be a jerk just in order to have a spine, well, no wonder there are jerks out there. Inner strength and good boundaries are healthy and every real man, i.e., every nice guy, has… Read more »
It’s not that having a backbone makes them a jerk, but many jerks appear to be confident and seem to have a lot of success with women. Anecdotally, the racists, sexists, bigots, jerks, bullies that I know of have been in relationships since high-school and and rarely single but many of the decent guys I’ve known took longer, and have had more single time-periods in their life and less overall success. There is a reason why the stereotype of girls loving bad boys over nice guys, it doesn’t apply to all women but it is a common occurrence. The most… Read more »
Terri, I like how you defined that. I think it is rather sad that many men align inner strength with being a jerk. It all comes down to intent in the end. Archy, you have a point there too and I have seen this happen a lot also. My partner’s uncle was a drunk who would use women so he could live under their roof. He never lacked in female attention while my partner, who is a good guy, struggled. However, we must also look at the desired male archetypes women are raised to look out for – it’s rarely… Read more »
Your partner and I lived the same life. I have no reason to live.
that reminds me of Ted Bundy. He was a serial killer that specialiased in dating and then raping and strangling women to death. And at his trials many women offered themselves to him either for marriage or one night stands. They proposed to a person that have already admitted to brutally murdering a number of women (I think it was 26)!
Terri :
You make it sound so black and white .
It isn’t that easy . I’m sure you mean well but again :
Even if the guy has a backbone , and he is mainly nice ,
An above average looking woman , like a 7/10,
will constantly test the man with games and other annoying bs.
Some of my friends , ( yes I have friends hahaha), are exactly like this ..
( Nice guys , but with a backbone) , and these chicks they
hang out with still play the same games .
In my experience there is definitely a category of women who like nice guys: abusive women!
Not just me, but my brother, uncles, friends, and co-workers. Many, many stories about the crazy, manipulative woman that did or almost did ruin their lives.
“Hey, this guy’s a genuinely nice person… DESTROY HIM!!!”
Let’s maybe say abusive ‘people’? You’re right in that abusive individuals will gravitate toward others they think will let them get away with all sorts of hell. From personal experience I had a number of emotionally abusive partners early on that I’m certain picked me out based on my naivety and softer nature. I think this is were nice people need to, or eventually, learn to stand up for themselves. Again, it’s a self choice as to whether we let these people beat the kindness out of us. Personally I chose to kick them out of my life and limit… Read more »
Maybe this “that abusive individuals will gravitate toward others they think will let them get away with all sorts of hell” is something that should be acknowledged more often in the Nice Guy debate? Not that I have let anyone beat the kindness out of me. But these days I’m far more aware of to whom and why I give my time and attention than I used to be. But as a guy, anytime I chose to “kick someone out of my life”, when not getting an iota of time and attention back and becasue I feel being used and… Read more »
I also think the following sentiment from the Baggage Reclaim article you quoted is somewhat pivotal
The ‘nice’ guy is made to feel inferior for having good intentions and the manners and respect he was raised with
Chris : It’s because your family members never got the upper hand And they allowed these abusive women to continue with the bad behaviour . No offence to these dudes But…. Do not put up with these women and their manipulation / anger issues from the past . I don’t care how attractive and good in bed these abusive women are . Kick them to the curb and save yourselves the emotional pain . Then sleep with someone these women know like a best friend . Sounds cold , but hey … Quick question : How do you think they… Read more »
This is why online dating is such a great innovation for everybody. The guys that treat women well have a much better chance of finding women that aren’t just giving us lip service about how much they like nice guys, most of the ones that are there are a bit more honest about that.
It also helps us to mostly weed out women that are already married or in a committed relationship so we can have a bit more confidence that they’re at least open to the idea of dating somebody.
Exactly! I met my partner online and it sure beat the drunk guys who were usually the only ones brave enough to drum up the courage to approach at bars. I think online dating has really opened things up for everyone, especially if you’re a little more on the cautious side. It’s great way to get use to interacting with the opposite sex.
Online dating is a complete drag for many men. There’s oooodles of messages online of men being routinely ignored, sending 20-50 messages and getting 1 reply at best…and these are men who DO read profiles, tailor make messages without sex talk in them yet still get ignored. I am so over it, if these women don’t even have the respect to send a simple reply back, even if it’s a rejection, then it really makes me question the value of online dating. Maybe dating sites need a thanks but no thanks button and to ensure the ones that do take… Read more »
Most of the time we aren’t being ignored, the most common reason for that to happen is that nobody is monitoring the account or the person isn’t allowed to send a response without paying. One of the secrets that a lot of sites don’t want you to know is that only about 5-10% of the profiles are still actively being used. Which means that it’s quite possible to send out a hundred messages and have none of them get to somebody that’s still there. I have a hard time imagining that I’m that much more desirable than other men that… Read more »
I hope you are right.
Nice post. Much better than a lot of the “nice guy” posts I usually see on the internet. Honestly though, I think there are a lot of other factors involved. I think by a certain age niceness is not a big deal. What will probably hurt these nice guys is if they are romantically and sexually inexperienced in addition to being “nice”. That will probably be the kiss of death for these guys. No matter what kind of woman you are, while you may be attracted to a nice guy, I highly doubt you’d be interested in a guy who… Read more »
I’d recommend lying about that. Not lying in the sense that you make up stories about how great you were in the sack the last couple dozen times, but just putting off any talk about histories long enough to know if there’s a connection. I didn’t do any dating at all until relatively recently and I’ve never bothered to say anything about it. When the time comes that sex is on the table, then I’ll acknowledge it. Hopefully by that time they’ll have enough of an idea of what other things I bring to the table that it won’t be… Read more »
Frank: I like your sentiments. I wouldn’t call this a lie, I’d say you’re protecting yourself until you know the other can be trusted, that’s not a bad thing and most reasonable girls will understand. Inexperienced Guy: I know it’s not common but there are women who wouldn’t mind a guy who hasn’t dated a lot. My partner was 31 when we met and I was his first girlfriend, after a bit of early hesitation (mostly because I thought he’d never had a relationship due to playing the field too much, ha!) I thought this was a really sweet aspect… Read more »
Wonderful post, Katerina — I think you really hit the nail on the head with your distinction between opportunistic “Nice Guys” and sincere nice guys.
Thanks Mark, and thank you for your sentiments in another comment, I don’t believe one should live their entire life acting contrary to who they are or let bitterness over run their natural state.
To Katerina, 1. Yeap, they’re based in a lot of generalizations. Taking into account that “nice guy” is a generalization that gathers many different a complex male behavious, any reasoning about this concept are gonna be based necessarily in further generalizations. 2. Rewards ARE important. If you’re expecting that somebody keeps making efforts without anything in exchange, this is a seriously manipulative position. And it rassembles what our grandmothers were told two generations ago. We have the right to (a) expect some reward for our efforts or (b) in case there’s none, to cease our efforts without listening shaming words… Read more »
At what point did I say one should expect kindness and not give any back? In fact my article specially warns men against being passive. I get the feeling you’ve been burned in the pass and now all women are blood sucking vultures, please do not take your issues out on me, I will not respond in such a case.
When you keep referring to being nice as “an effort” for which a reward can be “expected,” I hear you implicitly taking about the “Nice Guy” who adopts niceness as a strategic gambit to get what he wants. For (real) nice guys, however, being nice doesn’t take effort–it comes naturally because it’s part of who they are. Furthermore, they aren’t thinking about being rewarded for it; at the most they would like to be appreciated for it (which they often aren’t).
Mark, Being nice in the meaning of helping someone out IS an effort. You spend your time, energy and/or resources doing something for someone else, disregarding your own comfort and priorities for the time being. Retracting this courtesy for someone else if you feel that it is never reciprocated, or even worse, you feel that your help is taken for granted, and at the same time you get belittled or ridiculed for asking for some help yourself, doesn’t mean that the “niceness” was employed as a cunning strategy to begin with. Even doing something “that comes naturally” isn’t a source… Read more »
Yes, of course being nice is an effort in that trivial sense, just like any other activity. But for some it comes naturally and doesn’t come at a great cost to their own well-being, and isn’t offered only with the expectation of something in return.
You always get something in return.
And for most people, even nice ones, a bit of common courtesy and a “thank you” would do just fine.
But I don’t think that standing up for yourself when you’re taken for granted, being used or ridiculed for your efforts should automatically paint you as having ulterior motives or being nice as a “strategy”.
“But telling the nice guy “keep being nice” while you’re fucking the jerk and expecting that he’s going to do so is slightly delusional.” Your points here seem to be based on a lot of generalizations, but I’ll address this one as it seems to be a personal dig. I can assure you that the man I’m fucking i.e. my fiance, is a very nice guy, who is doing very well professionally (I won’t tell you how much he earns but he does better than your average). Sure, he like myself, has had to pay the price for being a… Read more »
*This is a response to Yann’s comments above.
Response below.
I tend to agree with Yann’s comments Katrina. I have found that in my business life and personal life over many years, being a “nice” guy has had me finish last so to speak. The corporate world doesn’t want to pull “nice guys” up the corporate ladder anymore than women are drawn to “nice guys” for anything more than friendship. If you don’t have a bad boy side of some sort it’s just not going to happen. I personally am just fine with that. I have nothing to prove by being “nice” nor anything to gain by turning into a… Read more »
“I have nothing to prove by being “nice” nor anything to gain by turning into a complete ass.” I actually agree with this. My point is, if it’s natural for you to be nice there’s no point acting an ass, but by all means we all play a part in life depending on the settling. I’ve run successful businesses before and when the occasion called for it I pulled out my claws. In personal setting I’d like to think it’s ok to let down the guard though. I think there’s a difference between being a jerk and having a backbone.
And I like to think there’s a difference between helping people out and lacking a backbone.
Why do you put the two in polar opposition, when you just wrote an article, and as pursuitAce pointed out a pretty good one, where you pointed out that it’s not how it actually works?