Day 5 of the approach anxiety challenge is here and to kick it off, I’ve got a question.
How many times have you been in a bar or club speaking to a girl who, as far as you know, hasn’t given a clear signal that she doesn’t want you there. She hasn’t explicitly told you to kick rocks and isn’t giving her friends the dreaded “Come save me!” look. There’s nothing clearly negative going on where she’s concerned, but you still opted to leave?
Happened a few times, right? And why? Why did you do that? I’ll tell you why. It was either going well and you were scared you’d mess it up, or she wasn’t outwardly saying: “Oh my God, you’re the most amazing man ever.” and you were scared that maybe she hated you.
So then you ‘did the right thing’, got up, and walked away, and because of that, defeated the objective of actually speaking to her in the first place. Firstly, even if you took her details before bouncing like Tigger, the more time she spent getting to know you, the more likely she’d have been to respond to your message the next day, which she most likely didn’t.
Secondly, if you didn’t take her details, that’s even worse. You ejected from a woman who could have been into you but just shy or inexpressive with her emotions. These types of girls aren’t rare in the least.
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The Ultimate Guide to Approaching Women Without Being Creepy or Gross: Part 1
It’s 100% possible to make them excited to have met you and I’m going to show you how right here.
medium.com
You’ll Never Find the Courage to Approach a Woman if You Think She’s Superior to You: Part 2
Day 2 of this 7-day challenge is here, and now it’s time to know you’re on worth.
medium.com
Follow These 3 Steps to Confidently Approach Beautiful Women: Day 3
You’ll not only get a complete guide, but also a video of me meeting a woman on the street to use as a reference.
medium.com
Do This To Never Run Out of Things To Say to a Woman: Day 4
Follow these tips and you’ll never be lost for words again.
medium.com
You need to push through the anxiety
But it’s understandable, approaching women isn’t easy, in fact it’s intimidating. However, to get comfortable with it, you must spend a lot of time doing it. It’s no different than anything else you’ve ever learned from driving a car to doing up your shoelaces to giving office presentations.
The simple fact is you’re shotgun blasting yourself in both feet by fearfully ejecting from women who haven’t signalled that they want you to leave.
Look at it like this; if I practiced Salsa dancing for five minutes a day while someone else did it for an hour, who’d get better quicker?
Exactly.
Shy people often look disinterested
You should be aware that shyness and indifference often look identical in a woman (or man). A mistake we make as men is that we assume women don’t have any fears but that’s absurd. They’re not perfect. We think women are flawless, psychologically sound, and never insecure but we couldn’t be more wrong.
She’s an average woman, not Cersei Lannister
You think that when you walk up to her, she’s totally centred and at peace. That she’s perched on high like the Queen of Thornes, judging your very existence from an Iron Throne of suspicion and superiority, and it’s up to you, the more mortal, to prove yourself. But the truth is they have their own fears and insecurities.
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Merci beaucoup for reading. Follow me on Medium for instant access to my 2X daily posts and subscribe to my newsletter for exclusive podcasts and interviews. Also, get my ebook 13 Ways to zMake Her Want You
By the way, if you watch the video above, you’ll see my camera woman laughing in deep resonance with that point.
The fact is that there have been loads of times when I, the men I’ve coached, and men worldwide have spoken to women who at first didn’t look like they were into us but eventually opened up, became a different person and said:
“I was so shy when I first met you. I didn’t know what to say.”
In fact, the woman I’m seeing right now went to painstaking lengths to tell me just how cripplingly nervous she was when we met.
In her head, she was like:
“Oh my God, I’m talking to this cool guy, but I don’t know what to say. I’m talking to this cool guy. I don’t know what to say!”
However, if you saw her face, you’d have never known.
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2 clues she doesn’t want to talk to you:
- She’ll be looking around nervously, scanning around for more interesting people or for her friends to save her
- She’ll get up and walk away
This massive clue lets you know she’s into you:
- She’s still there
It’s honestly that simple. The fact is that women vote with their feet, and as long as you’ve not made it impossible for her to eject, her choosing to stay is an excellent sign of her interest.
Let’s say you’re at a bar talking to some woman who hasn’t made any attempt to jet and is totally focused on you and what you’re saying; she likes you.
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You’ve unknowingly disappointed women in the past by leaving early
You might not believe this but I promise, you’ve bailed early on girls who either liked you or, at the very least, were neutral and wanted to hear more. And, when you ran, you left them scratching their heads, wondering where they themselves went wrong.
So to smoothly land this jumbo jet. If you’re going to leave a woman (or women) you’re talking to, do so because you can tell that’s what they want. Not because you’re scared of fucking it up and need to ease the tension.
And with that, I conclude this post. Stay tuned for day 6 tomorrow. Tchau for now, meu amigo.
Chaos is a ladder,
Excelsior,
Ciaran.
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Merci beaucoup for reading. Follow me on Medium for instant access to my 2X daily posts and subscribe to my newsletter for exclusive podcasts and interviews. Also, get my ebook 13 Ways to zMake Her Want You.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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