An old, Gen-X writer found the answer to the ages old question “What does she want from me?” Are you ready for the answer?
What up fellas (and ladies who chose to read this piece)? I’m a grizzled, old Gen X’er. Yup, I was around when Tupac was alive! I lived through the Macarena. I visited chat rooms. Anyhoo, due to my age, I’ve gained valuable life experience. And, I’ve learned a lot.
Especially about women.
You wanna know the most important thing I’ve learned about women? After years of relationships, friends with benefits-ships, drunk texts and friendzone imprisonments/escapes? The big secret? I know what women want. The number one thing they crave. The one thing that they have to have.
You wanna know what that is?
Are you ready?
The. Number. One. Thing. Women. Want. Is…
Comfort.
You read that right. Comfort.
Not your nice car (though that helps). Not your muscle (that can put you over the edge in some instances). Not your mini mansion (that is a hell of a bonus).
Women want comfort.
They simply want to be comfortable.
What do I mean by comfort? Guys, we all know that one dude who’s not the best looking person in the world. He’s not athletic. He may go to a gym twice. In a year. A leap year. But, somehow, he always dates the hottest women in town. And he leaves you and your better looking, nightclub ready- looking friends slack jawed. How? Why?
Because women feel comfortable around him.
Women (in general) want to talk about whatever’s on their mind when they are alone with a man. Spirituality. The cosmos. Love. Sex. Politics. The Bachelor. They want to nurture. They want to flirt. They want to flaunt their sexuality (whatever that may be). They want to fully be themselves around a man with no possibility of judgment for doing so.
Unfortunately, for women, it’s hard for them to do any of the above.
Because too many men make women feel uncomfortable.
Fellas, that woman that you are wildly attracted to is dying to show you her “real” self. However, for her to do that, you have to make her feel comfortable around you.
How to do that, you may ask?
It’s simple. Chill. Relax. That should be your mantra. When you’re around the woman you’re interested in, just chill. Let her talk. Relax. Let her talk about anything she wants to. Listen to her opinions about the spread offense in college football. Give her space to twirl her hair. Let her fart (seriously). It’s all about letting the woman be comfortable around you.
Now, my advice and “instructions” aren’t for you to get laid. This article is to let you know, smart, bright guy, that if there is a woman that you can’t get out of your head because she turns you on, you can talk to her, and get to know her better. You’re looks and financial status are personal enhancers…but that’s it. What really counts is if you can show her you can appreciate every little quirk she has without laughing (at her), or judging her.
That’s it for today. Off to take some Geritol, and find my latest AOL CD. I hope they never stop making those things.
Photo xXxBrianxXx Flickr
This is a good post, no doubt. However, this will only apply to women who have been through it all with douche bag men. Women with enough experience know what to start looking for in a man and the brain power to be able to discern how a good man treats a woman. Unfortunately, only some women ever get to that point, and most of the women that do, get there when they’re well into middle-age years. A woman that hasn’t been through enough douche bags really hasn’t quite learned how to differentiate and keep a good man. Now, I… Read more »
“But, somehow, he always dates the hottest women in town. And he leaves you and your better looking, nightclub ready- looking friends slack jawed. How? Why?” The real question is: Why should men care only when it comes to the “hottest women in town”? Oh, exactly, that is because men only care about women’s looks… and if you will deliver a good blowjay, of course. No asking for reciprocity, girl! That is the reason many of them, when older and wealthier, go out and “buy” any 19 years old hot but with very low self-esteem girl that is willing to… Read more »
I totally agree with this. If I’m not comfortable with someone emotionally or physically, there is no chance of me being involved with them. I want someone who is aware that, yes, I have physical and emotional imperfections and likes me inspite of, or because of, them.
Comfort is extremely important to us. I could care less how much a guy makes in a year, but I certainly care if he expects me to be a human and not a Barbie doll.
Thank you, Gabby 🙂
“Comfort” is for lack of a better elaboration I think. But, you’re mostly right.
But to be specific, women want men that’s good for their self-esteem, and not detrimental to it.
They want someone at their self-perceived “level”. Comfort just naturally follows when their pride is not being threatened. And, women, ..have a lot more pride than they led on.
Pat Love and Steve Stosny wrote a great book on this: http://www.amazon.com/Improve-Marriage-Without-Talking-About/dp/0767923189
Excellent stuff in there, even for this liberated feminist, who still manages to have some “traditional values.”
I wrote a piece a while back on what I want. http://kbshannon.com/leadership-in-relationships/
Ya, those kind of guys where women feel comfortable with end up being called a ‘friend’ and relegated to getting no where with her.
That’s true enough for hypergamous women. As the PUA crowd, 50 Shades of Grey, and endless romance novels have proven over and over again, they actually want to feel a very specific form of DIScomfort . Being psychically thrown off kilter by the proverbial alpha bad boy who doesn’t really care much for them at all is HAWT. OTOH, if you ever meet a woman who has really done a lot of inner work (and hasn’t foresworn men altogether), she’s much more a product of the work she’s done than the old drives of evolutionary biology and psychology. A good… Read more »
The inner work is not even necessary always. There are enough nice women who have a deep aversion to the bad boys. It’s not hard to find them either. I am a nice man because I can’t be any other sort — and it turned out (to my own surprise) that I could find girlfriends without too much troubles and keep them too. We men just make the mistake of mainly falling for the glamorous women. But you know what? Those are often “bad girls”, or otherwise emotionally disturbed, and that is what makes them unable to appreciate a kind… Read more »
You know, I think when it comes to whether or not a woman wants a man with money, it’s pretty easy for a man to see. If she’s financially ok herself, fairly independent and makes little reference to your stuff (doesn’t comment too much on what kind of car you drive and whatnot), then that’s not what she cares about. I guess I feel like there is little reason to worry about it because it isn’t like some hidden trait that’s going to rear it’s ugly head months in. And I know there’s lots of us out there not looking… Read more »
It’s comfort! Its something I’ve given a LOT of thought to over the last two years. There is this man..And it’s not an ideal situation and when I run through my head , “Why do I stay??” The answer is always because he makes me feel safe. I don’t feel judged. I can be honest with him and open and even make myself vulnerable and I always know…I can just BE me around him. I don’t have to be perfect. I can open and up front about my short comings, my failures , my worries and I know that he… Read more »
Understand that many men WANT TO BELIEVE most women are after men with money. So they can offend women while bringing it, believe they are in a way “superior” for not going after women with money (though many guys do go after wealthy women as well, it is just that the older women with their young lovers do not go out flaunting it) and, most importantly, be hopeful he will be able to “buy” a 19 year old super-hot girl when he is over 40.
I’ve dated/gone out with guys from all over the spectrum, younger, older, heavy, thin, rich, poor, and NONE of that came into play as much as you say /think it does. If I like him, I like him. Period. More importantly though, I start out comfortable. I fart, pick my nose, and scratch privates first. If he gets uncomfortable he can take a hike! : ) I understand that might make me seem “gross” but it’s stuff we all do, let’s be real. But on the other hand, if I grow uncomfortable with him, I take a hike! (Hiking references… Read more »
Gents, I hate to break it to ya, but MOST women don’t give a hoot about a guy’s personal wealth. (I know I don’t.) What’s she wants is COMFORT, LOYALTY, and TRUST. She also wants to feel comfortable in her skin around YOU. Don’t gawk at other women while in public with her; she wants to feel like she’s the only person who exists in your world, even if it isn’t true. Make her feel special and I promise you’ll never want for a loyal partner again, if that’s what YOU want.
Teach us to care, and not to care. Teach us to sit still. It sounds like something from the red pill crowd. But it’s actually late TS Eliot. The best thing most young men (I mean straight young men) could and should learn as a life habit is to just stop caring so much what women want or don’t want. It’s a losing game, a bottomless pit, an endless riddle. When you learn not to care so much – whether you call yourself a stoic, a Buddhist, a “No More Mr Nice Guy”, an MGTOW or some other word that… Read more »
Well said! I concur.
Comfort? I thought it was security and pre-planning.
You’re mainly right. Women want comfort. That generally means physical strength and wealth, however.
bull puckey. if women only wanted to be with rich or physically strong guys the human race would have been doomed centuries ago.
Financial comfort, most women today get for themselves. Most women could care less about your money, sexist guy.
And physical strength does not necessarily means comfort. Comfort is, most of all, a state of mind.
Let’s consider the possibly that you actually have it all figured out.
That woman who is dying to show her real self, how to get her to look past or through the first, outer appearance to make her realize that the person in front of her quite possibly IS just a person she could be comfortable (farting) around?
And not judge him as uncomfortable upon the initial apperance?
If you have to “get her” to “look past” that about which you are insecure then it’s not going to work out
Talk to her, first. Take the time to talk with her at length…