The age of steamy romance is not dead! But it did get a much-needed makeover!
A few days ago I went to see Magic Mike’s Last Dance. The movie is the third in a series made about the life and adventures of a hunky stripper, played by heartthrob Channing Tatum.
As I was watching the movie with my mouth open and a possible blob of saliva slowly making its way down my chin, the entire row of chairs I was on started to shake left and right and back again.
I usually go to the movies alone, at hours when there are no other people in the theatre. I love the feeling that I have that huge room to myself, plus, it keeps others from laughing at the aforementioned drool.
The theatre was empty. Magic Mike was thrusting his hips on a huge screen just for me. And the entire row of 20 sturdy velvet chairs was shaking like there was no tomorrow.
I low-key enjoyed it, but it was also a bit concerning. The problem was because there was nobody else present, there was no one to ask about the shaking.
It would have been embarrassing to do it anyway because my first thought was: ‘It’s Magic Mike! He’s making the chairs move underneath me! He’s making my whole world shake!’
As I was more and more transfixed with his abilities that went beyond the screen, the rattling became more severe: it was an earthquake!
And not the kind Mike could create.
Nothing life-threatening, but when it eventually stopped, it gave me a chance to pause for a moment and think about it.
I laughed at myself. I guess some of us can’t help but be incorrigible romantics no matter how improbable the situation is.
And as I was watching the film and Channing’s body move like water (line from the movie, I swear I didn’t make it up), I figured something out: I’d really love to write romance novels or movie scripts just like this one.
I know, I know… they’re silly. I agree. Probably intendedly so, the movie lacked some depth and sophistication. Except for the hot body parts, those were sophisticated af.
The plot was silly, easy, and from an intellectual point of view… it did nothing for me. From a human point of view… it made me sooo happy.
Yes, I said happy. It was beautiful. Simple. Fun. Warm. Kind. Sexy. Alive! It made me feel alive!
And I remember it gave me the same feeling that romance novels used to give me when I was a teenager.
That feeling is generated by a cocktail of 3 key ingredients that would make any woman softer than whipped butter. The ingredients are lust, love, and adventure.
I know it seems easier for some men to offer than it is for others. Definitely easier for hunky Mike to make women’s knees buckle than for wimpy Steve from IT.
A friend of mine used to say: whatever you want to do, it can only be done if your face helps.
She meant there’s no point in pretending to be something you’re not. Examples: playing innocent if you look like an evil villain, or pretending to be confident when you’re a mess inside.
It was funny at the time, but I think she was wrong. It’s not the face per se. It’s the expression. It’s the energy that you put out there.
And the work that you’re willing to put in to become who you want to be.
In Channing Tatum’s case, he wasn’t born with a body made of steel, nor was he genetically gifted. He worked his ass off to get there. Literally, his ass.
I did my research on him and some other actors who were in previous Magic Mike movies and their diet and fitness regimes were beyond grueling. They dedicated their lives to getting there and it paid off.
If that’s what you’re going for, it can be done.
After all, he’s damn hot. And extremely hot men usually have enough gorgeous women lusting after them, just like gorgeous women have men drooling in a 5-mile radius.
But mind you, lust is only one component. And not the main one. It’s just the spark. But the fire is made of love + adventure.
If you’re a woman reading this, how many times were you attracted to some hot guy just to have it all ruined the moment he opened his mouth?
It happened to me. His personality was obnoxious enough to kill my physical attraction!
I remember this one time when I noticed an incredibly gorgeous man at the gym. He might as well have been on the cover of a romance novel. Blond, tall, green eyes, bulky pecs. You know what I mean, he was the man-candy type.
My body instantly fired up and became that crazy howling wolf from Looney Toons, tripping over free weights and knocking over people’s water bottles.
I eventually plucked up my courage to approach him. I found his profile on Facebook, wrote to him and after a few clumsy lines, I asked him to come over to my place for a bottle of wine. Subtle, right?
He jumped at the opportunity. A few hours later, there he was, all Greek God and holding a wine bottle.
Unfortunately, that’s all he was able to bring to the table.
The moment he opened his mouth the whole façade came crashing down like cardboard melting under the heavy rain of his utter stupidity combined with an entitled jerk attitude.
It was a painful disappointment and 10 minutes into the meeting, my brain was fighting my body on whether to sleep with him or not. They both had very solid arguments.
The body even tried to play a dirty trick on the brain by drowning it in massive amounts of wine in order to proceed with the task, but it didn’t work.
I had no choice but to come up with an excuse and ask him to leave and that was the last time I ever spoke a full sentence to him.
He wrote to me a few times asking to meet and I was always conveniently busy. He had the looks. But he didn’t have anything else.
If you’re a man reading this, I’m telling you this story so you don’t get hung up on looking like you were chiseled in the labs of almighty Zeus.
Looks will get you the initial attention, but without the personality, all you’ll get is someone who will kick you out before anything even happens.
The other 2 components are far more important. And they are what women crave.
That’s why I’d like to write romance novels. Because women need a bit of spark in their lives.
And I know for a fact they want it, otherwise, movies like Magic Mike wouldn’t be as immensely popular with the female population as they are.
Some men know that too and are willing to offer it.
And some writers, musicians, and movie makers create it better than people can in real life.
And it gives me great joy to find that the narrative they offer to the world is finally changing.
In the movie, the female protagonist is older, wiser, richer, and more experienced than what the past offered us on the matter of female leads in romantic movies.
She has no problem with initiating intimacy and she has a mind of her own. She is not ditsy, silly, or poor. She is not looking for a man to save her.
But she’d love a man to celebrate her life with.
The male protagonist is hot and confident, treats her with respect, and loves the empowered part of her, all the while keeping his masculinity and not crumbling over the weight of a fragile ego.
He is not a jerk, he is not aggressive, or dominant. He is manly, though. He offers protection, stability, and understanding. He is her rock if she wants to lean on him.
I bet when I describe it that way it doesn’t seem like too much to do. It seems quite healthy, doesn’t it?
But when we look at the real world, we see men (granted, young men in particular) very impressed with individuals like Andrew Tate, who promote treating women like property and confuse aggression with confidence.
And the sad part is, everybody loses.
Both the men who fall for the nonsense that insecure menchildren like Tate spew out and the women who are once again victims to this behavior.
Because in the end, these movies and books are so popular because women are starved for affection, not for aggression.
It’s not because women need more abusers. The world is full of abusers and jerks anyway, in various forms, from wars to violence in the streets, to bloodthirsty movies and video games.
There’s too much of that as it is.
If you fell for the idea that women need more of it, think for a second. Why would they? They already have it. Because it’s all around.
We’re all sick of it, women and men.
Women actually read those books and crave those movies because they want connection, love, and romance.
They’d love a man to sweep them off their feet, but they don’t need him to.
They no longer need to be rescued from poverty and they don’t faint when they touch the male form. They’ve touched it before and they can make their own money. They’re no longer prudes or innocent nubiles and they don’t want to be treated as such.
They want men who are confident and ambitious, but also kind and understanding.
“Confident and ambitious” does not equal jerk and “kind and understanding” does not equal pushover.
They appreciate the male contribution to their lives instead of being dependent on it.
It’s a reality that, at least for the time being, few men are willing to comprehend and accept, although they have as much to gain from it as women do.
However, with recent awareness and cultural and power shifts, there will be more and more who get it.
But there will also be the ones who oppose it like the plague by overturning basic human rights laws. And also the ones who tend to overcorrect and turn women into entitled and narcissistic bullies.
The good news is: the truth is out there. Women love men. But they’re not dependent on them.
And that’s wonderful for everybody involved. Men will have to learn how to be with a woman without the heavy weight of dependency.
A woman who loves him for himself and not what he can do for her.
Shocker!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Danie Franco on unsplash.com