A young comedian struggled with the 20th century custom of asking women for their phone numbers. Here’s his 21st century solution.
I recently had a comedy show at a bar on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. Similar to most of my shows, the crowd was intimate. It wasn’t long before I noticed a pretty young blonde woman up front who was miraculously (and generously) laughing at my half-baked, relatively new jokes.
After the show, she was hanging out at the bar and we hit it off pretty well. We spoke about comedy and her grad school program and everything seemed to be going well. I wanted to get her number, but as usual, I found asking to be too forward and maybe even a bit jarring.
Talking to girls has always come pretty easy to me. Hooking up? Well, that’s up and down. Regardless, I can make some great conversation. I grew up in a sociable family, had a lot of female friends and I’m definitely a people person.
Still, I’ve always found it difficult to find a way to keep in touch that doesn’t feel off-putting. In this case, I gave this girl my card, told her “ball is in your court” and left.
The following day, she texted me and we got together over the weekend. After some drinks, she said, “Hey, remember how you handed me your card and said, ‘Ball is in your court’?” I said, “Yeah.” She goes, “Little weird.” I’d have to agree with her there.
It’s about the lamest, most cliché sports metaphor there is — an absolute embarrassment for someone, like me, who takes pride in getting the words just right. However, the strategy was there and ultimately, who could argue with the end result?
So here’s my solution: Rather than asking a girl for her number, just give her yours. Remove that whole awkward aspect completely and let her decide whether or not to keep in touch. If you have a card, just hand it to her.
If she has her phone out while you’re talking to her (a realistic possibility in Generation-Y), put your number in it yourself. Feel free to be more creative than, “Ball is in your court.”
This will also give you a better idea of how she feels. If she does reach out to you in the following days, you’ll know right away that she’s interested because she initiated the contact.
On the other hand, when you have her number and you reach out, it may be a long time before you get a response — even if you do, who knows how she really feels.
Furthermore, by not asking a girl for her number, you avoid the number one reason why all guys don’t speak with every woman they see: fear of failure. This strategy helps to alleviate one of the main roads to rejection.
Additionally, if you know in the back of your mind that there won’t be that awkward moment in the end, you’ll loosen up more while hanging out with her, making the whole interaction more enjoyable.
I’d also like it to be known that I’m no ladies man, matchmaker or expert on the opposite sex. I can imagine my friends reading this right now, rolling their eyes, thinking, “What the hell does Will know about this?” And they’d be right.
In fact, this whole approach stems from my insecurities and it’s something that eases the tension for me. I have a feeling, though, that it could work for other people, as well.
If she thinks it’s “a little weird,” I say, “who cares.” Sure beats being predictable.
Originally appeared at Elite Daily
Photo Elite Daily
About the author: Will Julian is a stand up comedian based out of NYC. A graduate of Tufts University, he now performs at clubs and colleges all over the country, and has opened up for headliners on the road, making sure to utilize his expensive education as little as possible. His pilot, “Why Willy Why” was chosen as an OFFICIAL SELECTION at the 2013 New York Television Festival, and was screened at Tribeca Cinemas. The pilot is still in development and has garnered interest from several television networks. An anomaly in the comedy world, his family loves him, and if it were up to him, he’d sleep 12 hours a night.
As a guy, I’d have to say I’d prefer a soft landing if I put myself out there. I think the type of rejection that would have me walk away smiling would be after offering a girl my number she says something like “ok, if I call you, I’ve kept your number”. That lets me down easy and (I think) takes the discomfort out for all involved. If the idea was to ensure the person didn’t have any false hopes at all (waiting for years by the phone for example), then a simple time modifier would do it. “Thanks, If… Read more »
I think this is bad advice. If a guy did this to me I would perceive him to be insecure and unwilling to take a risk. I would also probably assume he’s just in search of an ego boost and mostly interested in looks rather than what’s under the surface. If something other than looks piqued his interested in me, I would want to hear about it right off the bat. For example, he could say “wow, it’s awesome that you are into X, Y, and Z – so am I. We should go check out X, Y, Z sometime.… Read more »
Ugh. Hate this lazy approach. If you don’t have the marbles to ask for my number, I’m not calling you. My response would probably be to ask for a pen, write down my number on the card, hand it back and say, “now it’s back in yours”.
This is how my husband did it. Gave me his number.
I loved that about him, it didn’t impose upon me the pressure to do anything, and he knew when I called him that I must’ve really liked him and not just felt obligated.
As I started to read the article I was thinking “FFS: How about “I’ve really enjoyed talking thou and would love to chat some more, would you mind if I gave you my number?”? So, short of reducing the interaction to a game (“ball in your court”), my recommendation is pretty much what the author has figured out. You are not a predator on a hunt. You are not playing a game to score. You are not looking to score bragging rights for ego games with your male pals. You are not invested in controlling the situation. You are honestly… Read more »
Unfortunately sometimes i had the misfortune of texting or calling and the guy had no clue who I was because he gave that card to many other women. That is a very lame pick up line that a lot of men use to increase their numbers. If your’e talking to someone and it seems things are going well why not hint or just be straight forward that you are interested in continuing to talk? (and this is for both men abad women). The business cards thing is an old game…
Part of me thinks that mayhaps the entire reason why guys try to get girl’s numbers is because many of them want to feel in control of the “relationship”.
Well that’s the best technique! 🙂 and FYI, I had guys saying “I give you my number” and I said “No thanks coz Im not gonna call you” (a bit harsh I know but I don’t say this in a bitchy way, rather assertive but smiling) so at least the guy is not “expecting” anything, things are very clear… 🙂
Things should be smooth and easy, in my opinion…
Excellent. Much better for the guy to give his phone number to the gal.
Yes,
He should have his email address and Tweeter ID (if you are into social media) on the card. I have heard lots of women say they really don’t want to text a new guy just in case he is “creepy.: He will have her cell and…….
If you gave me your card I’d text you for sure! You’re obviously not a misogynist (being on this site and all) and you have offered some helpful advice to your fellow men, AND you’re a cutie 🙂
I think this is excellent advice. If you want a woman (for whatever reason), then you need to take the initiative, period.
This is great if you are either Gen Y or Millennial. I do not think this will go over too well with my Boomer women.
Great article!