A taboo subject is having sex during the pandemic. More so, when we talk about gay sex. As a gay man, I always felt the pandemic discriminates against the LGBTQ community more than straight people. To some extent, against the single straight men and women community.
People are advised to “stay at home, stay safe” because, for married couples, it is easy to comply, as they can still have sex.
Did I say sex?
Sex during the pandemic is happening, and why are gay people not supposed to have sex to comply with the ‘stay at home, stay safe’ mantra.
Married couples are quick to tell people to comply with rules, as they will not experience isolation the way single people do. This is not to say that the pandemic hasn’t been hard on all of us, and even personal.
But those in the LGBTQ community are more prone to feel isolated, and like straight people, we also need physical intimacy.
It is even hard to think of sex during these times, but to be honest, I have, and to be more open about it, I did have sex during the pandemic.
There are many reasons why one should wear a face mask. For me, it keeps you safe and keeps you from causing harm to others.
The “Bud Sex”
At the beginning of the pandemic, I designed in my head safe sex protocols, and I must admit it is not foolproof. But it did happen to me, sex during the pandemic.
The first time it happened, I set my rules. Even before the pandemic, gay men or anyone who are not monogamous, or dating, or just having sex, must have non-negotiable rules.
For me, condom use is non-negotiable. It’s a dealbreaker.
With the first guy I had sex with during the pandemic, my rules were simple and direct. I asked if he has colds, cough, or fever, and he has to tell me upfront because we can meet another time.
No outside clothes are allowed in the bedroom. My “bud sex” partner has to shower first and be naked in the bedroom.
And one more thing, keep the face mask on.
While I love kissing, it is not the time to be kissing a stranger, not in a pandemic.
It happened on the day restrictions were eased. I met a guy on Grindr. After my questions were answered to my satisfaction, we agreed to meet up at my house.
I knew that this guy who is a stay-at-home dad, recently separated, alone, was looking for “bud sex.”
That day, we both wanted and needed it. The pandemic can play tricks on your head. It is like alcohol; you look for pleasure to hide the pain.
As soon as he enters my house, I took his body temperature with a thermometer. He took off his clothes, and there was a towel prepared for him. He took off his face mask, and that was the first time I saw his face.
All I can remember is that sly smile he gave me as he walks naked to the bathroom.
Before he arrived, I took a shower. As I heard him humming inside the bathroom, I was preparing the other stuff. The usual stuff comes with having safe gay sex or with this guy, “bud sex.”
There was a condom and lubricant, only if we both wish to go further.
As he entered my bedroom, I kept my face mask on, and so did he. It is funny how he was fully naked with nothing but a face mask on.
He walked towards me, and leaned over, and gave me that hug I could still remember, and I find myself hugging him as tightly.
It was even while we were complete strangers, we found comfort in each other. We were both alone, but at that moment, we were not alone. We have each other.
We both knew why we met and decided to have “bud sex.” We needed to feel something, we needed to feel pleasure, and we needed each other.
The sex was good, he was not only madly pleasing himself, but he made sure I was satisfied as well.
We didn’t talk after the sex. He went straight to the bathroom, showered, and put back his clothes on.
But before he left, he gave me another hug, we both took our masks off, six feet apart, and without saying a word, we did the thumbs-up sign. We knew it was goodbye.
He left, and I never saw him again, except for the few messages we would exchange on the Grindr app.
There were no expectations. It was, after all, a hookup. To him, it was “bud sex” for me; he was my inconsequential stranger.
Again, this may look reckless, but you must see this story’s context if you are straight.
I dont make excuses for my behavior or any decisions I make in my life. I take full responsibility, and I understand that our choices have consequences.
Covid-19 Vaccine Passport
I understand the fear, and it is totally within reason. Some questions should be raised, and the public must be well informed.
We appear to be heading into a dystopian society, but right now, for gay men like me, a Covid-19 vaccine passport is another layer of protection.
I have signed up to be vaccinated, and while sex isn’t on my mind right now, it will be something I would require from the next guy I hook up with.
Yes, both the face mask and the Covid-19 vaccine passport are my new condoms.
The condom remains at the top of my rules. As far as unprotected sex, it is non-negotiable. Again, it is only my rule, and I don’t pass on judgment to those who practice unprotected gay sex.
For me, the Covid-19 vaccine passport will help me live through the “new normal.”
A life where I don’t need to be in the dark and ashamed of having sex with men. When we need to learn to live with the virus, as it appears to be not going away anytime soon.
Like many in the LGBTQ community, I will not be further discriminated against by society and definitely not by the Covid-19 virus.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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