A recent article by David French claims “we are raising weaker boys” because boys aren’t being taught to work on cars or play sports these days.
The premise of the entire article holds such a narrow view of the world that it makes me wonder what it’s like to see the world from such a narrow-minded perspective.
I’m sure that boys around the world, right now, are working on cars and playing sports. I’m sure some boys are strength training. In fact, I see pictures of a trainer friend of mine come up all the time in my news feed praising the work the male athletes he works with are doing.
He also praises the work of the female athletes he works with. He knows that both boys and girls are capable of great physical strength.
My friend, Armando, is such an inspiration to me, because he also knows that in addition to physical strength, boys are capable of so much more.
But there are other types of strength that boys might not be encouraged to explore in the current climate, which are important kinds of strength to develop as a person.
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Physical strength is great. There is something deeply satisfying about strength training and learning to pay attention to your body. That’s one of the reasons I, personally, enjoyed strength training, yoga, and dance—all of which I’ve done. I’m sure Mr. French would be appalled at the thought of a woman enjoying being buff and strong “like a real man.”
But there are other types of strength that boys might not be encouraged to explore in the current climate, which are important kinds of strength to develop as a person.
In addition to physical strength, there is mental strength. The capacity to stretch your mind, to expand the boundaries of what you think you know and to always question, “what if?” Mental strength is what you develop when you are constantly learning, evolving, remaining curious about the world. It’s what you develop when you are willing to admit that you might not know everything there is to know about something.
There is also emotional strength. Emotional strength is the capacity to weather a storm, and to figure out how to rise above it when all the debris settles. It’s the capacity to tolerate discomfort. It’s the ability to have difficult conversations with grace, and to really hear another person’s perspective, even when it doesn’t align with your own. It’s the willingness to solve problems and take personal responsibility rather than blame someone else for every problem that you face.
And this isn’t just the work of men. It is the work of women, too. It is the work of being human.
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There is spiritual strength. I don’t necessarily mean religion here, although that can be part of it. Someone who is grounded and rooted in their own sense of self, and has the ability to have compassion for others, despite not always getting along, has spiritual strength. This is the strength that comes from knowing oneself, from being really rooted in who you are, and remaining unfettered from what others might project on you. It can also mean that someone has faith that things are all right and that there is good in the world, whether that faith comes from religion or just your own internal compass.
In the article Mr. French wrote, one would think that the only strength boys need is physical strength. One would think that “being a man” is equal to overpowering someone else and showing off your incredible physical prowess at every opportunity.
To me, “being a man” is so much more than physical strength. Throughout my life, I have known men who have been so much more than that, and I think they are the most balanced people I’ve known. Yes, they have physical strength. But they don’t use it to overpower anyone else. They use it to collaborate and create amazing things with others. They use it in community, not to stomp out the “competition.” Those men also have mental acuity, spiritual groundedness, and emotional balance.
It is high time we stop believing that “being a real man” requires boys to be only physically strong. In fact, the work of being a balanced person in the world who contributes great things to society takes all kinds of strength. It requires developing each part of who we are as humans – the physical, the mental, the emotional, the spiritual.
And this isn’t just the work of men. It is the work of women, too. It is the work of being human. It is what is required of all of us in order to create a world where all of us matter, where all of us have a place at the table, and where all of us have something to contribute.
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Photo: Getty Images
During World War II, an extremely intelligent, highly educated Swedish businessman named Raoul Wallenberg persuaded the government of his country to send him to Budapest under diplomatic cover to conduct rescue operations. Showing extraordinary courage, he repeatedly risked his life to save thousands of Hungarian Jews from the Holocaust. He had face-to-face dealings with Nazi SS officers and Hungarian fascist thugs, and he survived several assassination attempts. (Suffering an incredibly cruel fate, when the Soviet army had driven the Germans out of Hungary, Wallenberg was abducted by agents of Stalin’s brutal secret police to the notorious Lubianka prison in Moscow,… Read more »
We are multifaceted. But we often box ourselves into these single dimensional ideals. I agree with you 100% and I am so grateful that you expressed this truth.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, Stacey. I agree, we are often encouraged from even as small as three or four to box ourselves into very narrow definitions of our humanity.
Thank you, again, for adding to the conversation.
Exactly.
I’ve always loved the physical, from exercise to sports, but it was my dad that continually reminded me to be more, to go to collage, to expand my mind and my options.
As we begin to get up their in years, it is the latter that will best serve us. The physical fades. If by forty a man has not developed himself beyond just the physical, he will find himself behind the game.
How’d I know I’d find you here, DJ?
Beautifully said, Juana. So happy you’re working with The Good Men Project and writing your weekly column. You’re doing a great job!
Thanks, Melissa!
I’m happy to be here. 🙂
Laughing (about the sore back comment also). Life threw me a few curve balls. Not even enough time to cause trouble, but just do fly-bys. Want to make those count and this is important. Guys can still include classic male attributes in their bag if they want, but that needs to be a choice, not a standard that we judge some men as being less a man for either failing to achieve or focusing in a different direction with different priorities. I can be me, he can be he. Society needs to stop shaming him by old (even if they… Read more »
A sore back is not a laughing matter:) Just kidding, it totally is, in this case.
I agree and look forward to receiving your email.
I think I missed the sore back comment, I’m not seeing it.
Just stopping by to thank you for your comments and to say I agree that we need to stop boxing people in to roles they don’t choose themselves. We have a long way to go.
You’re so right, DJ. The physical fades, inevitably. Sometimes even the mind fades, but what we accomplish within our community via collaboration with others tends to outlast us, I think.
Thanks for your comment.