As I completely enter the room I notice that this is their break room. There is a refrigerator and sinks in the room with counters around the exterior walls. You can literally feel the fear. And it has a feel it has a taste.
Everyone is on their cell phones reaching out to anyone and everyone they can think of to say either good-bye or tell someone they love them.
The only thing I can think of is two things: Calypso and finally being able to prove my worth to my abusive mother. You see, she used to tell me how worthless, useless and a failure I was everyday. There was never a break from her. And I needed to once prove my worth and today I was going to prove it.
As I take stock of the people in the room I notice all the women are in the back of the room besides the young African American lady who is directly to my left in front of the refrigerator. The two other guys are up front with me.
The African American male is to my right and the older white surfer male is in front of me just behind the other male.
Everyone is so afraid and I am not ashamed to admit it so am I. Because of my past I can disassociate enough to really work outside of my fear and think about what to do and what I can do.
The fear is growing and the lights from the cell phones is illuminating the blackened room so I do the only thing I can and start cracking jokes.
“Hey I just need to know if anyone here is a nervous farter?”
That gets a round of laughter and it starts to settle into the thought process that we do not know the outcome of anything. So let us just relax till we do. I tell everyone to put their cell phones on silent and dim the lights. Everyone does so and the tension skyrockets again.
There is nothing for it, it will happen no matter what it is the situation we are in.
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Read more in this series by Brian Cardoza, here.
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Image by author. Used with permission.