Do you bribe your kids like this?
If yes, may I ask, what will happen if they score above 90? You may think child will continue working harder if you link his/her achievements to these rewards.
Well, in some cases you may be right, however, most of the times you’re doing more harm than good by doing so, Here’s why…..
By linking their achievements to rewards, you’re unintentionally passing on the message — “It’s NOT okay to score less/fail!”…… which is ABSOLUTELY wrong!… Isn’t it?….
During my teaching tenure, I’ve seen so many students saying “I’ve got 95, but my parents said only if I get above 98, I’ll get a new game. So I’m not very happy”
It’s perfectly okay to fail, in fact, sometimes it works wonders to get those failures at early stages as it encourages the child to learn, grow and excel!
LET THEM FAIL, because those failures will give them learnings which will encourage them to change their course of action.
LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES, because the mistake they made will be imprinted in their mind to future actions.
LET THEM EXPERIMENT, because they can figure it out by themselves! Will a child learn better by putting his/her hand in fire? or by getting taught that fire is hot.
The next time your child has a big test coming, Just say“I’m perfectly ok with you scoring less as long as you know where you went wrong, so just give your best shot.”
By doing this, you are taking away all the pressure from them. Aren’t you?
This way you’re encouraging them:
to do best,
to make mistakes,
to fail,
to learn, grow and excel
You can’t encourage them to make mistakes by setting those benchmarks (“I’ll reward you if you score this much”). In fact, you’re scaring them that way and discouraging them if they don’t happen to meet those benchmarks set by you.
Do you know, by doing so, you are unintentionally coming in the way of your child’s success?
Children are under tremendous pressure from their parents! During exams my students used to love it when I used to write on board “Just do your best and leave the rest!” and never wanted me erase the same from the board.
My dream future is to see children failing happily, making mistakes without any fear and this can only happen if they know that after scoring less or failing, when they go back home:
They won’t be shouted at…
They won’t be compared with neighbor’s son who scored great marks…
They will be given rewards for their efforts NOT the result. THEY WILL STILL GET THEIR VIDEO GAME.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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