Young Men Desperately Need Strong Male Role Models — And It Is Scary

 

I am writing this article based on 3 main things:

1. My own experience as a man who grew up with no masculine role models around
2. The horror stories I heard from both men and women about what lack of masculinity does
3. The countless painful stories I came across online as a writer in the self-improvement world.

 

The role models I found online and learned from were how I embraced my masculinity and became the man I am today. Luckily, they were competent enough to be examples and not disappoint us.

And I am writing this article to shed a light on the topic and to help you make sense of your masculinity in a world that is trying its best to strip you off of it, demean it, and call it toxic.

Meet Alex

Alex is a 30-year-old who lives with his parents because he is unemployed and does not make any money.

He spends most of his time indoors playing video games and watching porn.

He does not want to go out there and get a job. He thinks his life is okay and there is nothing to force him to do things differently.

Meet Tim

Tim is 31 years old, married, and lives a normal life.

Tim hates his job, his office environment, and his boss. He does it because it is what he does, even though it sucks his soul.

His wife tells horror stories of how he never seems to take care of the household. He is laid back and relaxed while they are suffering financially.

His wife is the one who is managing the finances and working harder to get a promotion to be able to afford the things they need. He even borrows money from her to buy unnecessary things or to buy what he should be paying for.

He never seems to show genuine interest in her as a person or as a woman. They have not had sex in ages. Tim never even holds her hands.

He is always out there with his friends, coming back home late, and spending most of his time in the house playing video games or locked in his room doing god-only-knows-what.

Just like Alex, Tim avoids confrontation and difficult conversations. He does not talk to his wife when something bothers him or when there is an issue between them.

He just acts cool like nothing is going on while allowing his resentment to build up. One day, when she refused to do something, he exploded and hit her in the face.

Alex, on the other hand, avoids upsetting his mom whenever she seems to make a decision on his behalf. He never objects or confronts her with what he thinks and wants.

Both are suffering in their lives.

And finally, meet David

We also have David, who is 35 years old. He is a successful entrepreneur who owns multiple restaurants.

He is married and has 2 young infants. However, he is cheating on his wife with his assistant.

And that is not the first time. He had 3 affairs during his marriage with different women who worked for him. And he has only been married for 3 years!

Before his marriage, he was more of a fuck boy who could not keep his dick in control.

And it is not just his affairs.

Despite being financially successful, the guy is stingy. His wife has to remind him and basically beg him to buy the basic household and the damn diapers for his two toddlers.

She is so embarrassed about that and cannot tell anyone about it. It kills her.

He is stingy with his time and affection as well. Just like Tim, rarely does he touch her affectionately or lovingly, let alone have intimate sex with her.

All his lusty touches are reserved for his assistant. In time, his assistant will be face to face with how stingy he is and experience the devastating deprivation his wife is now experiencing.

Those men are not only weak, but they also probably did not have healthy masculine role models. They either had none or had toxic ones.

But I am not interested in them

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I am interested in their younger versions when they found no masculine role models or toxic ones. I am interested in their children when they become teens and go through the same.

And more importantly, I am interested in current teens and young men who will either have no masculine role models or have guys like Alex, Tim, and David around them.

I do not have statistics, but I believe we have more men like Alex, Tim, and David. We have weak men today more than strong ones.

And it is not a coincidence. Men are not doing particularly well lately.

• We are more likely to drop out of school/university.
• Fatherlessness is a major predictor of making less money as an adult, among many other disastrous consequences.
• Pornography and video games have made us less driven, less motivated, and less ambitious.
• We can sit around and stimulate our minds.
• We can be nothing.
• More specifically, we can indulge in instant pleasure and forget about responsibilities.
• Heck, we do not even have to pick responsibilities. Who the hell wants them when we do not get anything back in return except for lack of appreciation, shame, and control?

 

Peter Pan syndrome

Before you make a conclusion, this is just a pop-psychology term; it is not a real mental illness. It is just an interesting idea to describe a devastating situation.

I do not know if you watched the movie or not, but Peter Pan is a child who *refuses* to grow up. Therefore, the term is used to describe men who are stuck in the childhood stage.

I first heard this idea from Dr. Jordan Peterson. But it was coined before that. In the 80s, Dr. Dan Kiley published a book titled The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up.

Peter Pan chooses to stay in Neverland and become the leader of the lost boys. Neverland does not exist, so he is living in a fantasy.

Peter Pan chose Tinker Bell over Wendy, who is a girl who was interested in him and wanted to settle down and be a mother. She eventually had to let him go because he wouldn’t grow up. Sounds familiar?

That is exactly what young men do nowadays. Tinker Bell is porn, and Wendy is any real girl they can have a relationship with in real life.

He indulges in the pleasure that exists in Neverland with the other delinquent boys who are being shipped and sold by a tyranny that controls them.

They lose their ability to think and speak, they turn into donkeys, and once that happens, they are shipped away and sold.

This is exactly the reality of so many young (and even not very young) men
Neverland could be the internet, video games, or even their own gang of delinquent, losers friends. Captain Hook and the other adult tyrannies represent the toxic male role models around them.

Not to mention that their reckless, irresponsible behavior of refusing to grow, holding on to the fancies of childhood, and resistance to responsibility make them not only not good men, but also the worst version possible of boys.

One of the ugliest things a man can be is an old, spoiled, irresponsible boy. Think of 30-something men acting, thinking, dressing, and behaving like they are 21-year-olds.

That is sad. They are hurting themselves by being Peter pans, and they are hurting other young men by representing a bad role model at a time when we desperately need great role models.

Psychopaths and narcissists: false role models

When there is a lack of role models, psychopaths and narcissists step up and present themselves as role models to exploit the people who desperately need a strong role model.

They fill a gap and a need in the market, and they sound so competent and powerful. But, in reality, they are not interested in anything but their own gains, and they are not as competent as they appear to be.

More importantly, they are worse role models. The lost boys are just incompetent, but those narcissistic are incompetent and manipulative.

They will sell you for profit once you turn into a monkey and lose your ability to think and speak for yourself. Let that sink. You probably know who I am talking about.

Do not stay a Peter Pan, do not resist growing up, and do not choose the pleasures of Neverland over the responsibilities and the meaning of your own life. Do not be a victim.

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This article is an excerpt from my book, How to Man Up: What Your Father Didn’t Teach You About Masculinity.

• Deal with toxic people,
• develop emotional immunity against them,
• Let them go once and forever.
• Become their worst nightmare ever.

 

Also, check my books on Amazon.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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