Every relationship in your life takes work. If you want it to grow and become a strong pillar in your life, you have to care deeply and work on it daily.
That’s my two cents. It’s not a perfect process, but consistency is key.
The effort is not always equal for both people involved. On any given day it isn’t.
You figure out if it matters more to you that it’s 50/50 or if the other person needs more of your forgiveness and grace.
I’ve found when I focus on the latter, it ends up making me happier than when I try to keep score.
The relationships I have with my husband, sister, mother, friends, and even my kids all require me to show up. I have to verbalize what I’m feeling if I want to have strong bonds and authentic connections with them.
Saying, I love you, is important too.
But there are four other non-complicated phrases our loved ones need to hear from us. Oftentimes, we don’t say them enough.
I see you.
It’s more than me saying I’m looking at you.
It’s when you get a glimpse of who someone is inside, and you can see what drives them.
When these three words are said at the right moment, it’s reassuring to the person you love. You’re paying attention, you notice what they hold dear, and you are supportive of where they’re going.
In the movie, The Ride, it’s about the story of John Buultjens. He became a BMX star but only after overcoming a tumultuous childhood with an abusive father and surviving the foster care system.
There is a moment in the movie when his teenage love interest says to him, “I see you” after he has made this incredible jump on a bike he just learned to ride in his teenage years.
You could see the encouragement and faith those three words gave him. It gave him hope.
Ultimately we all want to be seen. When someone close to us says this phrase, it has deep meaning and power in our lives.
It also amplifies our relationship.
You’re making a difference.
Your life comes back to a place and question of, “What is your purpose?”
At least I’ve found myself stewing over this same question throughout my teenage years, my 20s, and now approaching mid-life.
According to Lifeway Research,
More than 2 in 3 Americans (68%) say a major priority in their life is finding their deeper purpose.
You want to feel like the energy and time you put into what you love makes a difference.
My sister told me a heartwarming story I heard for the first time the other day.
Last year she was at her house and saw a woman standing with a dozen roses at her front door. When she opened the door, the woman explained that through a local organization they were recognizing members in the community they felt made a difference.
My sister was chosen as one of them.
At the time, she was a stay-at-home mom of 4 and did things here and there for the school community.
She was in tears when the woman said these words.
To know someone had noticed her actions was humbling. She never gave her time intending recognition, but her caring nature still caught the attention of others.
Don’t underestimate what it means for someone close to you to hear, “You are making a difference.”
Most of us are driven to find our purpose. When someone takes note of the difference we make, it stays with us for a long time. Perhaps for life.
Thank you for (literally anything).
Did you thank someone today for what they did?
I thanked my husband for texting and reminding me to mail a letter.
My son thanked me for taking him to a local sports card store over the weekend so he and I could hang out before his baseball game.
“Thank you” for literally anything is another way to say “I love you.”
It reminded me of how there are so many small acts every day that you can be thanking others for that make your life what it is.
It’s an incredibly powerful sentence your relationship needs to hear often.
This vocal form of appreciation never gets old if it’s said with sincerity and thoughtfulness.
I’m glad I found you.
This is a sentence often said at the beginning of a romance. But have you dusted it off and said it again lately?
When you have been through difficult relationships with heart-breaking endings, you come to a place of feeling immense gratitude when you find yourself staring into the eyes of the one who loves all of you.
They may overlook the messy parts or the weird and annoying qualities, and yet they stick around.
This is when you say to your partner on a regular Thursday morning sitting at the kitchen counter, “I’m glad I found you.”
Of all the different paths possible for you to venture down, your two paths crossed and found a place to pause together for a while.
When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. — Arrigo Boito
Sometimes your significant other needs to hear how grateful you are that in this entire world, you’re genuinely glad you found each other.
Your relationships need to hear more than “I love you.”
Each one of us feels loved when we also feel seen, encouraged, and appreciated.
These words need to be verbalized as much as they need to be demonstrated.
I guarantee these four important phrases will breathe additional love into your relationships. Remember to say them often. They are right up there with “I love you” too.
Thank you for taking the time to read and engage with my articles. I truly appreciate your support.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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