Beth Leyba wants to share her deep gratitude for her man, and an ode to the good guys everywhere.
It feels incredibly vulnerable to share such an intimate snapshot of my life and relationship with the world, but I do it not only to express my deep gratitude for my good man but also as an ode to good men everywhere. I am a bisexual woman in a relationship with a heterosexual man, but I don’t want this to exclude good men of any orientation or gender expression, and really it’s for women too. It’s for all those who are having the courage to show up in their relationships; who are being honest and authentic and vulnerable.
Jim and I feel so blessed to have found each other, to be able to hold space for each other’s journeys and transformations. Never in my life have I felt so fully seen, heard, and understood, and it is allowing me to blossom in ways I never thought possible. When I see myself through his eyes I feel like I can conquer the world.
This comes from the journal that we share. Very cheesy, I know, but romantic nonetheless. What can I say? I’m a writer. Writing helps me process my thoughts and fully express them. Passing the journal back and forth is a nostalgic throwback to the days of love letters, and we both light up when receiving it. It’s an enjoyable avenue for connection between us and a recording of our thoughts and feelings as our relationship grows.
So, without further ado:
A Letter to My Love, and an Ode to Good Men
I am sitting by the fire, basking in the glow of your love. I have burned some shit, with the intention of letting go of the past and fully embracing my future, which is you.
I wanted to make love to you this morning to symbolize cleansing and renewal and a fresh start. I know that things and feelings are still going to arise as I continue to process my past, but I know that my hurt and anger were holding me back from being truly present with you and I have at least begun to release it all.
I know that I love you. I want to be with you. I want a life with you. I want to keep growing with you, learning with you, loving with you.
I appreciate so much about you. You are so handsome and sexy. I love your masculinity. I love your strength; how I feel so safe and protected. I love your tenderness and your willingness to open up to me so that we can fall into deeper levels of intimacy.
I love your intelligence and the way you think and see things. I love your sense of humor. I love your compassion. I love your honesty. I love your art and the wellspring of creativity and intricate thought from which it flows.
I love the way you love me and the way you appreciate me fully: mind, body, and soul. I love the way you look at me in adoration, how you are so sensitive and attune to my needs and wants. I love your fire. I love your touch.
This marriage be wine with halvah, honey dissolving in milk.
This marriage be the leaves and fruit of a date tree.
This marriage be women laughing together for days on end.
This marriage, a sign for us to study.
This marriage, beauty.
This marriage, a moon in a light-blue sky.
This marriage, this silence fully mixed with spirit.
This marriage, ecstasy.
Legal, little piece of paper marriage may be a ways off, but today I commit to falling into ecstasy with you; realizing that every moment we share together is ecstasy: even the mundane moments, even when we fight or have misunderstandings.
I hope that in the moments that don’t seem like ecstasy on the surface, if I start to forget you will remind me and draw me back in. Every moment brings us to deeper intimacy; to a deeper understanding of ourselves and each other.
I release my fear of what may be and commit to being fully present in each moment with you: the joyous ones, the exhilarating ones, the boring ones, the contentious ones.
You have opened my heart and I will keep it open, and let you in further with each moment that we share.
These words will never do justice to the depths of my love for you, darling.
I am realizing more and more that you are my light. My guiding star. The god to my goddess.
I love you.
With a fire that I don’t even fully understand, but today, I embrace fully.
My darling. My soulmate. My lover.
I am yours.