Looking back on relationships, good and bad, Cindy Gericke has a found her list of ways to love a good man.
Lists abound on ways to to lose someone, get over that loss, learn a love language, deepen intimacy, and thousands of other industrial tools detailed to find love, then keep that love alive. I am not an expert, but I have had my share of relationships where I have been disappointed, or disappointed someone else. After all the fall out, therapy, pros, cons, and blaming are scattered around the room, the solutions or lack of were often so simple I could not see them. Life can be exasperatingly complex, but love does not always have to be. Here are a few ways one can love a good man; here are a few words he can actually hear:
♥ He likes to be needed. No, he does not want you to be dependent on him, see you weak (although if he is close enough, he will find the cracks), nor does he have to be “bigger” than his partner. However, he likes when he can fix your car, help solve a problem, find your earring in the garbage disposal, or reach that top shelf. He feels necessary when he gets to be your hero even if only for a moment, and giving him those opportunities may bring out his tender side, his protective tendencies, and he just might scoop you up in the middle of the night and fly you through the city under his arm.
♥ He, like you, wants to feel attractive. Numbers and your imperfect abs are insignificant. He wants to know that right now, in this moment, he is the best you have ever had, there are parts of him you find absolutely magnetic, and you are proud to be by his side or under his sheets. This one is easy, no words required, because he will know with a look and a touch that he is your MAN.
♥ He needs to hear that he is better than anyone you know at one thing. The “thing” can be simple or complex; he makes the best French toast, or he can fix your computer in his sleep. Just admire his talent, tell your friends about it, and thank him every time he is in that sweet spot.
♥ Understand his slant for liking something you simply cannot understand, or cannot fathom the attraction. That friend who makes you want to dead bolt your door? Well, he also knew him when they were six years old, and there is something he sees in him perhaps you cannot. Let them hang; you can find a way to keep busy. His relatives drive you right into a straitjacket? They have known him forever, some even raised him, and, something must have gone right because you love him. Is he the man he is despite his upbringing? Then lessons were still imparted and there are still ways to be thankful. Why does he set his alarm in the middle of the night to turn on the sport’s channel for a soccer game being played half way across the world? Who knows. Hand him a cup of extra strong coffee on your way out the door the next morning, and try to remember to ask who won….
♥ Just say it. Hints may work fine with with some of your gal friends or coworkers, but anything short of true expression will not get you what you need within a romantic relationship. He ends up ignorant in bliss and you end up resentful because you are misunderstood. Finally, he ends up confused because you are angry and he cannot figure out what the heck he has done to put you in that state. Yes, you know what ensues: your anger turns to silent resentment because he seems to understand so little about your needs. Hop off this train to ruination and just say it out loud. “When I said ‘I hope the weekend actually goes well this time’ what I meant was I need you to just let my sister rant and do not respond or take her personally. She is not ready to tackle her problem, and she will leave in a day or two.” Try, “Can you help me with the basement cleaning this Saturday so we can spend Sunday doing something fun?” It’s so much better than grumbling as he cleans his golf clubs….again….
♥ Understand that time and silence are sometimes golden and necessary for him to be a fully functioning human being. Multitasking and processing simultaneous input come naturally for some, and, if you are that “do it all” type person, it may be frustrating that your partner is so single tasked. However, he actually works more efficiently that way, and, in the end, the same amount of problem solving occurs. Communicate, then simply give him time to contemplate, prioritize, and conquer. If you have a partner that walks out or shuts down, he is asking for a moment of silence, not leaving you. He will be thinking about your last conversation without you driving your point home, and he will be trying to fix the issue. Remember, most men take pride in fixing things.
♥ Finally, be conscious of how he needs his heart filled. Respect means love for many men, and there is no faster way to deflate his ego, his adoration, or your partnership than blatant disrespect, especially in front of an audience. Belittling may be fine in the stand up comedy arena, but making him the brunt of your joke at the family reunion or the office party is rude. Would you treat your best friend, your boss, or your child that way? Hardly. If there is a discussion you feel you need to have about his actions, privacy will set the stage for listening, but screaming will instantly turn your words to droning, annoying background noise; you know, the kind earphones are designed to cancel.
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These hints are not complicated, difficult to put into action, nor hard to remember. Do this: pretend you have just walked into a room, and there, right before your eyes, stands your idol, your hero, the person you always wished to meet, the one who dominates your list of passwords; then treat your partner accordingly.
photo courtesy of author
Want to know why the little guy is wearing pink shoes? Cindy Gericke shares in this: Little Pink Man
Find Cindy’s blog at http://shelleyblogdotcom.
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