Perhaps the only problem with dating gay men is that they’re gay.
One of the greatest forms of procrastination is Tumblr. During midterms, I was on a Tumbling spree and happened upon the Homotography Tumblr page. On a public computer in my college library, I nonchalantly scrolled through the impeccable bone structure, bare chests, and bulging groins of the male models featured on Homotography. “That’s a beautiful gay guy. That’s a beautiful gay man. That’s a beautiful gay dude,” I thought. Then my eyes widened and I thought, “that’s my beautiful gay ex-boyfriend.”
Those closest to me know that I have a pretty impressive track record of dating guys that eventually come to realize their sexual orientation is one that favors other men. Two of them have been male models, and one was just a Buddhist chap from San Francisco, who I would describe as “cute.” Many women are horrified by my ability to joke about my history of dating gay men and the fact that I’m not particularly bitter about it. Most commonly, I am pitied and asked if I think that I “made” them gay. Apart from informing them that these guys went on to date other women after dating me, my response usually entails asking them to hop in a time machine and join me in the 21st century.
My taste in men is certainly influenced by my identity as a feminist and maybe only a slight fascination with intellectual male models. As a Political Science major and Gender and Sexuality Studies minor, I have read more Judith Butler than might be healthy. Thus, I am well aware that gender is a performance very much bound up in sexuality and am not very concerned with the level of “heterosexual masculinity” being emitted by whomever I am dating. Sometimes I reason that perhaps my romantic relationships with these gay men are strong evidence for the fluidity of sexuality.
My experiences dating men who later came to identify as gay were no different than my experiences dating straight men. I was attracted to their intelligence, worldliness, humor, ability to express their emotions, and good looks. My relationships with the male models and the Buddhist from San Francisco were honestly no different from those with my straight boyfriends. If anything, they were more enjoyable. They processed and expressed their emotions with greater ease, were more open-minded, and oftentimes more caring than the straight men I have dated.
My wise therapist told me that gay men are the best lovers, even when they are dating women. I may have to agree with her.