Seth Thomas looks at society’s increased acceptance of same-sex
marriage, and the larger realization of the complexity of men.
Since President Obama famously evolved on same-sex marriage — and ushered in an era of debate, legal battles, and social change — gays are in the media as never before. But as much as I would applaud Obama for getting the ball rolling on this issue, I’d argue that it was Vice President Joe Biden’s off-the-cuff remarks on NBC’s “Meet the Press” that really kick-started America’s evolution.
During that interview, Biden stated that, while the president sets the agenda, he would personally be “comfortable” with same-sex marriage, framing it as an issue of civil rights. He cited television as a source of cultural change. “I think ‘Will and Grace’ probably did more to educate the American public than almost anything anybody’s done so far.”
While the increased visibility of gays improved public awareness, it came coupled with a side effect, one we’ve yet to shake off to this day. The stereotype of the affluent, white gay male lingers, and it continues to ignore the reality of a diverse queer identity. In the book “Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People,” the authors explain that acknowledging stereotypes is no fault of our own, describing it as “an unfortunate by-product of the otherwise immensely useful human ability to conceive the world in terms of categories.” They suggest exposure to “counterstereotypes” could be one method to deter such associations.
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In other words, there’s value to be had when we confront the norm. We’ve entered the 21st century; an era where masculinity, something that hinged largely on gender inequality, day labor, and breadwinning, is becoming increasingly outdated and uncomfortable for many. Does this signal the end of the men? Hardly. But it stands to reason that males — both straight and otherwise — are expanding their possibilities and reworking prior notions of what manhood means and what it will look like in the future.
Similarly, media is finally expanding its boundaries for queer men. Jason Collins made history this year by becoming America’s first openly gay pro athlete. The first day it was available, his number was the top-selling jersey on the league’s website. Last year Mel Wymore, an out transgender man, ran for City Council in New York City’s 6th District. While he didn’t win, he scored over 20 percent of the vote on a crowded ballot. When Tom Daley announced that he was in a relationship with a man, he didn’t explicitly specify his sexual orientation, signaling that male sexuality is oftentimes more complex than binaries afford. All of these men represent a plurality of possibility — something that combats old stereotypes and was largely absent in the past.
But even with an increased number of gay, bi, and trans men entering the public sphere, there are still those who find it easier to make sense of the world through grouping and oversimplification. This became evident when Sports Illustrated published the opinions of eight NFL officials reflecting on potential draft pick and openly gay football player Michael Sam. “In the coming decade or two, it’s going to be acceptable, but at this point in time it’s still a man’s-man game.”
Evidently this unnamed executive couldn’t fathom a world in which a gay man could somehow fit within the paradigm of masculinity. Granted, I imagine it’s challenging to squeeze in a nuanced discussion that explores the differences between sexuality and gender identity inside the covers of a sports weekly. But passing on Sam simply because you think shedding old stereotypes is a job for future generations doesn’t help anyone.
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What’s encouraging is that change is happening now. Seventy percent of Millennials, who make up just over a quarter of all U.S. adults, support same-sex marriage. Over the past decade, those who say homosexuality should be accepted has increased to a majority. The number of people who believe that sexual orientation is a choice is at an all-time low. And America re-elected the first president to ever “evolve” on the issue.
Just as straight men stepped into the 21st century and realized that masculinity needed some adjusting to remain current, gay, bi, and trans men entered the public consciousness and wondered where they fit in. What’s exciting is that perhaps the biggest stereotype about men — that we’re all simple — is being replaced with the understanding that to be a man is to be a variety of things. Whether in the media, society, or the way we frame discussions about masculinity, it’s now okay to admit the truth: all men are complex.
—Photo Lorenzo Tlacaelel/Flickr
I’m curious how these stereotypes you mention, actually affect those being stereotyped. With such diversity in the gay community, how do we deal with the homogenous view we’re shown time and time again?
As a Libertarian I feel that government has NO business in marriage, gay or straight and never did. As far as marriage itself goes, regardless of orientation someone is going to lose if there is a divorce. When you can lose half you income, home and even kids, what man in his right mind would get married? Russian Roulette would give you better odds.