The only people who think all men are rapists, Soraya Chemaly writes, are, well, rapists.
Do you really doubt the idea of rape culture?
On any given day you can, if you chose, participate in an entertaining and informative pop culture rape happening. This week started with Salon’s Glenn Greenwald making jokes about President Obama raping nuns and week before last, #ItAintRapeIf, a fun Twitter hash tag was trending. You can find popular TV shows and movies and lists of music with rapey lyrics to hyper-real, 3-D video games like RapeLay (which went viral last year), in which players help the hero rape a mother and her two daughters. Facebook still has its controversial rape pages. Rape talk, as in “that was just like being raped,” long indulged in by right-wing shock jocks is now regularly slang. I mention all of this while admitting that Sarah Silverman, famous (or notorious) for her rape jokes, is one of my all time favorite comedians. How about last week’s “Who Would You Rape?” University of Vermont fraternity survey? And, of course, there is Penn State. Wonder how adults shield child rapists and perfectly nice boys play rape games? These examples are rape culture manifest. If you are not sure what rape culture looks like, this is it: sexual violence—overwhelmingly against girls and women—tolerated, excused and normalized through attitudes, norms, practices, and media.
It is hard to get people to acknowledge the startling reality of rape or to even imagine a world where rape isn’t happening at the rate of once every two minutes in the course of a regular day in the US. There are lots of ways that we talk about rape that perpetuate myths or diffuse the reality of what is an overwhelmingly gendered crime, the threat and reality of which vastly disproportionately affects women.
That does NOT mean that all men are rapists. The only people who think all men are rapists are, well, rapists. However, ninety-nine percent of the perpetrators of single offender sexual assault crimes, according to the Department of Justice’s National Crime Victimization Survey, are men, including boys being sexually abused. Pointing this out is not a feminist attempt to eradicate and undermine men and masculinity. It’s explaining the degree with which the crime can genuinely be seen as gender-based and why I think it’s important that individual stories be told in the context of rape as part of a larger dynamic of power.
♦◊♦
I’m also not saying that women don’t rape and sexually abuse children. Sexual assault of children, girls and boys, are part of rape culture, which is defined by its cultivation of specific, violent, male sexual aggression. However, when rape comes up in discussion, there is often a reflexive pointing out that women rape, too, as in this Women Rape, Too post. Saying that sexual violence affects girls and women disproportionately does not mean that boys’ and men’s experiences of assault and rape are in any way less relevant or horrific. In statistical terms, however, right now, while data on female sexual assault is hard to gather and verify for reasons listed below, it’s exactly like pointing out that some men get breast cancer every time the subject of women’s breast cancer fatalities comes up. According to the CDC study, in the US, between 1% and 2% of men have been raped or experienced an attempted rape, often by an intimate partner, almost always male, (many when they were younger than 11) compared to 20% of women. That 1-2% is a total – not just those where there may be female perpetrators.
The CDC study revealed that boys are twice as likely to be raped as children – 28% of male rape victims reported being raped between the ages of 6-10, after which the incidence of assaults drops off, versus 12% of girls, for whom the incidence peaks in their teens through twenties, but virtually never ends. No reliable source, including RAINN, The Department of Justice, the Centers for Disease Control, Advocates for Youth among others, has any substantive and quantitatively sound information regarding the incidence of single offender female perpetrators of abuse. This isn’t because of a boy hating, man-bashing feminist conspiracy. It’s because a) our culture doesn’t like admitting male weakness, b) it is rarely reported and/or c) it is actually comparatively rare. Interestingly, the breakdown for multiple offender crimes is different: 59% male, 12.9% female and 22.9% male/female combined.
Our news media has been filled, sadly, in recent years by stories of boys being raped by priests, coaches and other trusted adults. But these reports, which highlight the vulnerability of boys, is disproportionate considering female rape as part of a pandemic spectrum of sexual violence against girls and women, which typically begins at adolescence and, unlike the abuse of boys, does not taper down after adolescence. This isn’t dismissing boys’ abuse or adult male victimization, only pointing out a bias in coverage that incorporates typical approaches to “debunking” rape realities and perpetuating rape myths. The exact same culture that supports rape myths and apologies related to victim blaming, defining consent, accusing women of lying, contribute to the difficulty of getting accurate information about boys being victimized. Here are some ways that the rape experiences of boys and men are specifically denied, ignored and hidden—not by feminism—but by sexism, misogyny and the application of heteronormative standards:
- Traditionally, and I use that word very specifically, rape has been considered part of a natural order, in other words, the normal consequence of how men and women are built. In this scenario, women are passive, weak and often temptresses; men are physically strong, violently sexual and unable to help themselves when provoked. This definition of sexuality, which by the way is an essential component of abstinence-only “sex ed,” is narrow and results in a restrictive, forcible, male-on-female definition of rape. It certainly doesn’t allow for boys to be victims, certainly not at the hands of women or even of adult men. As Advocates for Youths points out: “Male victimization is particularly hard to estimate due to beliefs that only girls can be abused; that sex between older women and boys is desirable; that male victimization of boys indicates lack of masculinity and/or acquiescence by the child.” Gender stereotypes in the employ of sexism and misogyny are to blame for that. Not feminists fighting against rape culture.
- Sexual assault of children by women is underreported because patriarchal, cultures don’t like admitting that women can be sexually motivated or use sex to wield power in aggressive and monstrous ways. That would mean admitting that some women are more “like men,” not the champions of a higher morality, not weaker, not all naturally more “nurturing.” That’s a lot of subversive information if you want to highlight how vulnerable and dependent women are. In addition, in the same environments, boys grow up knowing that to be weak or powerless in particularly when the aggressor is female is a big no-no.
- Lastly, as Hugo Schwyzer pointed out here—which was one of the catalysts to huge controversy, men should be angry—not at feminists for describing rape culture, but at rape culture’s insistence on a vile definition of male sexuality that has violence at its core and that makes suspicion of all man the only rational approach to safety.
It’s hard to step back from the horror of rape, particularly the rape of children, to consider the larger context in which it happens, especially in a forum dedicated to the primacy of individual stories and experiences. There is a qualitative difference between saying men rape women and women rape men and that difference gets eliminated when you tell individual stories without context. Male-on-female rape is part of a larger system of violence and oppression—this is a fundamental aspect of rape theory. Boys and men don’t have to think about being the victims of rape on a regular basis. (And comparing being mugged to an underlying perpetual awareness of vulnerability to rape is just sloppy and inaccurate in terms of scope or effect.) Rape—the threat of it, the frequency of it, the gendered reality of it—is one of a long list of ways that women are controlled in private and public spaces. Men don’t alter the cadence of their days—their commutes, hobbies, jogging paths, sleeping habits, parking routines, dog walking, working hours—because they have to consider being raped. Women, not even consciously, incorporate their protective responses and defenses into everything they do. Girls learn that they have to do that in their first introduction to gender based inequities after a childhood of hearing that boys and girls are equal. Raising the specter of women raping boys implies a false equivalence and doesn’t help us understand and change a culture where rape—the power, the crime, the threat, and the jokes—is acceptable.
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A lot of the debate over rape culture theory that I’ve read here hinges on its being filtered through the lens of individual stories instead of the other way round. As a result it ends up being misrepresented as an individual man-bad/perpetrator, woman-good/victim argument. The problem of rape is not a problem of individual men and women. It’s a culture that we live with—a systemization of harm that we are immersed in. Rape, regardless of whom it happens to, is horrible and violent and dehumanizing. Only men can stop rape. Organizations like My Strength, Men Can Stop Rape, Advocates for Youth and others are working hard to do that. Books like the The Guys Guide to Feminism, with its illustrated rules of consent, is another good start. To me, good men and women are people who say this has to end. They stop deflecting, trivializing and joking about it and then do something to change it.
—Photo Boa-sorte&Careca/Flickr
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260 Comments on "Rape Culture: Men, Women, and Power"
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Update: It seems that some at Wikipedia are listening.
The Definitions being applied are being made “Gender Neutral” – as they should have been throughout.
Matters are progressing and it is to be hoped that in the near future it may be a source worth referencing and which provides valid and accurate information for all who use it or refer to it.
Update on the Update – Wiki was updated again whilst I was updating on the last update!
“Very small irony”
That’s just silly.
Had the same issue here in The UK!
The charity has to change it’s mind as they received Government Funding for research.
Gender based discrimination caused Human Rights Abuse – Article 14 – so they had the choice, be sexists or loose all funding and face very bad media which would hit donations.
It seems that Money and Media count! They even encouraged men to wear bras as they ran, to up the media value!
Patriarchy the term is not a feminist fantasy, they took the term and built fantasies and lies around it.
And Shakeville is a propaganda site, they tell bare faced lies about abuse.
They are so intellectually dishonest they define rape culture as not acknowledging victims, and talk about abuse as if it were gendered, in other words, shaksville promote rape culture, as do you and mist feminists.
Its not that people don’t understand, its that they do.
@MediaHound
Why do feminists want to make rape a culture?
I would argue that there is a culture of violence period. Human on human, with humans apparently using politics to further violence in all directions. At this point I would not be able to tell you which stats were true, which were false, and which were just being manipulated for someone’s purpose, MRA or Feminist.
That’s what I would argue.
“I would argue that there is a culture of violence period.”
It’s clear that violence affects far more people than does rape, both men and women, but especially men.
So, why don’t feminists claim that there is a “violence culture” or “violence against males culture”, both of which occur far more frequently than rape and has had a far bigger impact on the humanity?
Well, here is my piece. I’m not a national mouthpiece for feminism, but I am a feminist, so take a look.
https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/heresy-rape-statistics-and-getting-away-from-the-poles/
No violence is very much being reduced all over the place. It’s acceptable when used against only a shrinking pool of people including men and foreigners and especially foreign men.
Well I don’t find it acceptable at all. https://goodmenproject.com/ethics-values/heresy-rape-statistics-and-getting-away-from-the-poles/
Is this funny – and how does it fit in the “Rape Culture™” world?
http://youtu.be/w7pNiELcZsg
This is even better 130,927,905 views on YouTube.
How does this fir into the “Rape Culture™” world?
http://youtu.be/EVBsypHzF3U
You better not be dissing LadyGaga! 🙂
David – I’m just wondering how here video should be viewed in light of –
“describing a culture in which rape and sexual violence against women are common and in which prevalent attitudes, norms, practices, and media condone, normalize, excuse, or tolerate sexual violence against women.”
I am surprised that there has been less outcry and such high viewing figures. Then you also have to consider Gaga and her Drag King motife where she is repeatedly seen “Acting Out” macho and groping and fondling women – and them laughing for the Camera. Such odd dissonance.
Julie – I know you get it – I wrote it in the hope that some others who need to hear the message may just read it!
Pint? I need some frat types with a tube – a funnel – and a full keg! P^)
Whiskey. Now.
I see rape just as another crime. Arrest the accused, give him/her a fair trial and punish him/her. Nobody is responsible for the crime except the criminal.
@ MediaHound
I was never even remotely involved in sexual violence. Does that make me an uncultured man in feminist jargon??? Should I feel ashamed for that??
I think I need to hit my head against a desk for a few minutes. We don’t. I don’t. Good lord.
@Julie
I have one question haunting my mind as to what qualifies you to call yourself feminist??
There are several people who call themselves feminists take different stance on different issues and when feminism is attacked loudly cry out not all feminists are like that. It is really confusing.No rhetoric please. Try to keep it under 30 words.
I know your positions Eric M. I’m still suspicious of Rapses questions. He knows my positions already.
@ Julie – Rapses loves to ask questions – he hates answering them!
He does have bizarre ways! P^)
Correction:
The system is broken and cannot meet the needs of everyone; however, masculinity (men) is not to blame.
@ Julie
You are suspecting me for what?
I answered your question, what were you confused about?
The definition of feminism in Wikipedia is “Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing and defending equal political economic and social rights for women.” Everybody wants all the rights, but what about the duties that are necessary to sustain those rights. Feminists want rights without responsibility though affirmative actions and biased laws.
@Rapses – are you seriously quoting Wikipedi as an authoritative source to prove what Feminism is?
Any idiot can edit it ! I can so easily add to it and have it read “And all feminists are made form Blue Cheese and Worship Danny Devito as an Idol make from chocolate”.
Any credibility you have has just vanished – you really need to get some better sources with some Rigour and Quality – because your views lack both, and you damaged yourself – no-one did it for you!
Nice Own Goal – Better Luck Next Time!
Try this Link http://www.blackwellreference.com/public/tocnode?id=g9780631233176_chunk_g97814051025449_ss1-5
Rapses,
It was a Gotcha question. You ask my my opinion then come back with your own beliefs. You and I cannot discuss things. Our world views (and if you are the same Rapses that I’ve seen at The Spearhead) appear diametrically opposite. On things like LGBT issues, family definitions, women’s issues, even I’m guessing men’s issues, it is as if we come from different planets.
@ Rapses “Try to keep it under 30 words”?
Nice attempt at control there rapses – so you want to control the questions – and control the definitions and then control how many words people have to respond?
Is there anything you don’t want to have control over? P^)
@ Rapses
I have one question haunting my mind as to what qualifies you to keep asking questions of people over and over, and avoid answering questions posed to you ??
So No More Haunting. Why Do You Do it?
@Julie
It is rather tricky situation. Let me use another analogy: I want to exorcise the evil spirit of feminism from the mind of feminists. It was in good faith, but sometimes, ends justify means.
Hey MediaHound,
You know I am always thankful for your attention to detail and careful questions, especially around language. We are running some additional posts around this issue, thanks!
First line with a link to wiki (LOL) and a feminist writer on a men’s site. I stopped reading.
Sick to death of the censorship here. If you want a feminist echo chamber the least you could do is be honest about it.
A week ago I was considering submitting a story about sexual abuse and it’s disastrous impact on three generations of one extended family. The writing is done. The trust is gone.
Gwallan, we’ll post it at Genderattic. Come see us there and we’ll work out the technical stuff
What do you mean? You submitted an article?
If you didn’t bother to submit who’s fault is it there’s no anti-feminist articles?
What censorship are you talking about gwallan? We do not allow direct attacks on authors or other commenters. Most comments get held for moderation, especially if they have trigger words. But as far as I can tell, almost all of yours go through.
I also had written an article relate to rape culture, slut walk etc and was wondering whether I should submit it or not, this article of Soraya made me so angry that I decided to submit it immediately. Keeping quiet was not an option. As they say “don’t get mad, get even.”
@MediaHound
Keep up the good work. I wish I could help you in this matter.
Rapses – you can just keep an eye on the Wiki page, and if you find any other pages that are less than accurate and neutral let us know.
I’m not interested in inciting riots and discord, but I will not stand by where such matters as a highly inaccurate, misleading and systemically biased source I can address is being used to manipulate and abuse people.
It’s that 100% man of principle thing, where there is no part time option.
Your preaching to the deaf!
Soraya only responds to people who say nice things about her! Anyone who contradicts her or points out error or even basic lack of humanity gets ignored. The only rational way to deal with such people is remove the sources of ignorance and error!
Thank you for this Media Hound.
Don’t worry – Wikipedia is having to update it’s entries and will be obliged to until such time as they are accurate.
If people want references they can have them – but I will bloody well make sure they are accurate so they can’t be used to abuse even once more!
If people want to know about “Rape Culture™” then they can at least give credit to the people who coined the phrase – and “Prisoners Against Rape” the men of Lorton Prison who were the focus and reason for the “term” being created in the 1975 film “Rape Culture”.
It fascinates me to no end that people like Soraya are using the phrase “rape culture” to invalidate and minimize (and sometimes mock) the experiences of male rape survivors, yet the terminology was created specifically to help those behind bars.
This speaks volumes about those engaged in such. They’ve stolen the concept and completely erased the victims and survivors it was meant to help.
Ugh.
Double Ugh.
Triple Ugh.
Good luck, I’m going to watch this wiki battle. From previous experience, I’m not optimistic.
Tell us what to do so that we don’t annoy you – and give us the QUALITATIVE barrier that even one man has to exceed so that he is not a number but a Human Being!
this is so damn powerful MH. excellent point, excellent point
“Rape culture is a term which originated in women’s studies and feminist theory, ”
Shocker.
I don’t believe that older women having sex with younger men is “monstrous.” Actually, the idea of an older man initiating a young woman isn’t either, but I think we’re some distance away from that one– because of the notion that it’s always exploitative.
How is one form exploitative and the other isn’t?
I just don’t get it. Power dynamics? That would imply every male and every boy has power over a woman.
Rape Culture?
Somebody please give me a straight answer because I’m tearing my hair out here.
Maybe he has such a low opinion of women (ie misogyny) he must find it hard to believe that women can do harm or have any power at all?
You know women are so weak and pathetic they can’t have an affect on anything?
As soon as you internalize the view that women are equal to men the idea of women having no agency and not being able to do anything wrong seems sexist. What happens when society changes and the only people left who think women are weak are feminists?
I can’t give a straight answer though
Do you mean me by “he?” In a supportive society, this whole notion of age inappropriate sex would go away (past puberty, that is.) The Twin Oaks Commune has no problem with age differences, for example. I’m not particularly misogynist, but I am sex-positive. I was responding originally to the author’s idea that older woman – younger man sex is “monstrous.” I think victim-algebra has run its course. Support agency by everyone.
I dunno, I think theres alot to be said for giving adolescants a safe space to explore their sexuality before becoming “fair game”
Peter, I don’t think anyone should be “game.” It’s almost a better idea (this is cynical, I’ll admit) to expose younger women to men at least mature enough not to treat them like ____. But, sure, many younger people will prefer someone their own age– and that’s great. Adolescence is an artificial stage that doesn’t exist in all societies.
I meant no offense and hope you don’t take it that way. It was just a train of thought i had.
But the notion of age inappropriate sex hasn’t gone away, Henry. It illustrates an extreme double standard.
Older men who have relationships with young women are labeled perverts.
Younger men who have relationships with older women are seen as lucky and a real man.
“Older men who have relationships with young women are labeled perverts.”
I don’t see this interfering at all in the numbers of May-December romances and marriages. It’s still much more the “norm” than younger men-older women.
“Younger men who have relationships with older women are seen as lucky and a real man.”
But how are the older WOMEN perceived? You’re comparing apples with fruit bats.
As I read that he was saying that not every instance of a young person having sex with an older person is exploitative, but I agree that it was very hard to read.
The problem Peter is that we say not every young person having sex with an older person is exploitative only when applying it to boys and older women.
Wheras the other way around, older men with younger women, they’re treated like molesters and perverts.
What do you mean by “older” and “younger”?
Peter
Well argued and presented, but I believe little chance of any rational or structured response.
I have been doing a metta analysis of responses elsewhere when the author has written. If the response praises and agrees they get acknowledged, if they disagree they are ignored.
It’s quite deliberate and shows an inability to consider or address criticism. It shows a closed mind which by definition is a prison.
“Dispositions of the mind, like limbs of the body, acquire strength by exercise.”
THOMAS JEFFERSON
Those who don’t exercise end up enfeebled!
Well said.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I expected one. I just had to add my voice.
Peter – I do believe in raising one’s voice when appropriate!
However, there are none so deaf as will not hear!
I do find it comical that after all the Schywyzergate and Twitter gate and the platitudes about how men have to accept women’s anger, it seems that we will soon have to read about just accepting contempt as well! C’est La Vie!
Half the reason I engage in comments is about improving my horrible writing skills.
That’s an awesome reason, truly leta. I became a much better writer when I started commenting a lot.
If some feminists write about rape culture in a way that minimizes the reality of male rape victimization by dishonest usage of stats, is that proof rape culture exists and the very people advocating against it are actually causing part of it?
“So if a woman decides to take a jog at midnight in the most dangerous part of town while wearing a nightie . . .? ”
Most women would never do that.
” If I leave my very expensive car in the bad part of town at night with the doors open and the keys in the ignition . . .”
Most people would never do that.
Why not? Because of victim blaming, or common sense?
Reasonable people without an agenda say common sense.
“Is it the fault of any victim of violent crime? We live in a civilized society and we should be safe, but the blame is solely on the attacker.”
Absolutely correct, the blame is solely on the attacker. But by introducing terms like “rape culture” they are putting blame on every male. All men are responsible if a woman gets raped. We wish to eradicate rape, but feminists are turning it into a culture.
If you have a paranoid outlook you will find evidence to support your paranoia humans are great at finding patterns even in randomness. If your only proof of rape culture is to look at the world through the lens of rape culture theory and use that compromised view to prove rape culture is real is just a circular argument.
If you view the world with those old 3d glasses guess what? the whole world looks blue and red.
found this blog htt p://morewomeninskepticism.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/13-stop-defending-rape/
…
We’ve read the stats and tweaked the numbers but bottom line – what is more important ending rape or debating who is hurt by it or experiences it more, who suffers more, more worthy of being believed – given sympathy, compassion or understanding, respect, dignity and compassion?
All the time spent saying one victim of more of victim or more often a victim takes time away from helping all victims and ending rape where ever possible.
I may quote you on that SweetSue.
“Do you really doubt the idea of rape culture?”
Rape culture is nore more or less real than [most any other crime] culture. The feminists who insist on discussing rape all day every day are the only ones who claim or imply that all men are responsible for rape in one way or another. It seems they are desperate to link all males to rape by any means necessary.