When does a man’s need for adventure cross a line?
It’s been a deadly year up on the slopes.
Skiing has always been an inherently dangerous sport, but this year seems worse than normal. A recent New Yorker article covers a number of skiing tragedies, from an avalanche that killed three backcountry skiers in Washington last week, to the death of a 43 yr-old father of two, to a Dutch prince lying in a coma in Austria. Some attribute the increased avalanches to inconsistent weather. Whatever the reason, it strikes a chilling chord for me.
I grew as a ski racer in New England, so I’ve always known the sport to be a lethal mistress. For over a decade, I skied 100 days a year. When you’re flinging yourself down on a race course all season long, crashing was something you could often count on doing at least once a day. Sometimes at speeds of 75 mph, sliding across the ice into the nets. I amassed 2 knee reconstructions, 5 broken fingers and 15 stiches in my face as souvenirs. And I got off easy. A number of people I knew had spinal injuries, or worse. By the time I quit racing I’d known 15 kids who’d died over 10 years. Many of my friends have gone on to enjoy careers on the World Cup, and others have become extreme skiers shooting films in Alaska or Chamonix and whenever I hear of another death, I fear it’ll be someone I know. Unfortunately, I’ve known perhaps 20 who’ve died since then, many in accidents like the ones in the article—some professional skiers, but other simply enthusiasts who were pushing their luck on a weekend trip.
The most famous was Shane McConkey—a guy I ski raced against as a teenager. While he was a really good racer, he was arguably the best in the world as an extreme skier in the late 90’s and early 2000’s. And he paid the ultimate price for love of thrill-seeking when he died at age 39 while doing a BASE-jumping ski stunt in Italy, leaving behind a wife and a 3 yr-old daughter.
It’s a risky way of life. But that’s the thrill. You get into skiing because you love the adrenaline rush, challenging yourself, seeing exactly how far you can push it.
And if you make it a career, as have many of my old skiing buds have, you court that danger a lot more frequently. Not too many people hassle a 22 yr-old for pursuing a daredevil sport. But at what point do your growing familial obligations take precedence over your love for the thrill? When does the pursuit of a dangerous hobby cross over into sheer recklessness if you’re a family man? Or is a life without adventure a life not worth living?
A lot of people questioned Shane’s decision to keep living such a risky life once he had a wife and kids—especially since his legend was already cemented. But he couldn’t stop. It was the only way he knew to live—right on the edge. But you could say that the same person who would sensibly stop at some point would have also been too practical to ever embark on such a daring life in the first place, and the world would have missed out on a man who was most of the most charismatic and inspiring athletes in the history of skiing. He inspired an entire generation of extreme skiers, and you could argue that he lived more in his 39 years than a dozen other people’s entire lives combined. When he died, he’d amassed over 700 BASE-jumps. Guess he had enough reason to survive a couple hundred more. But he ran out of luck.
In the evolving discussion of what it is to be a man, where is the balancing point between boldly pursuing a life of adventure and challenge, vs being “safe” enough to make sure you’re still around for those who are depending on you?
Photo courtesy of Skistar Trysil
I used to be an extreme rock climber. I was into free soloing (climbing without ropes) on large cliffs. The kind of route where if you fall, you die. I loved the feeling of complete control. All of your emotions shut off and you are left with total focus. There is no pain, no fear, no frustration, no worry, just complete control. This was before I had confronted the realities of my abusive childhood. In reality I was expressing years of anger and rage, by hurting the only person who I was allowed to hurt, myself. The reality is that… Read more »
Mike, amazing comment and I so admire your candor about the process of recovery. I never thought about this aspect of risk-taking lifestyles, but it makes amazing sense in reference to someone in my life, as well.
Thanks for this. You’re a great writer.
Thank you, I have never been complemented on my writing before.
Mike, I’ve tried emailing you from the one you entered here, but to no avail.
Will you shoot me an email?
joanna @ goodmenproject.com
Thanks!
And I’m glad to have been the first to compliment something that seems so obvious.
Won’t be your last time, either, Mike. Great insight. Thx for sharing…
I tend to say let you do whatever you want to your own body if you’re only putting yourself at risk. However, don’t forget about the ski patrol and emergency services. If you do something insane on a mountain, other people may be risking their own lives to save you when you get into trouble. You’re playing with other people’s lives in that case. Flying a helicopter or climbing in rugged terrain to rescus you has its own dangers. If you do something stupid, these people are obligated to save your ass. Also, you can cause an avalanche that risks… Read more »
@wellokaythen
In my experience mountain rescue are the same bunch of nutters as the climbers, the ones they get pissed off at are walkers and skiers who need rescuing because they can’t read a map.
Also Avalanches happen in dangerous places. If you are walking below avalanche terrain then it is your responsibility to turn around and go back, or look up and see if anyone will trigger the avalanche, then take the calculated risk to go into the danger zone.
Also there is no obligation to rescue someone, mountain rescue can decide that it is to dangerous and they won’t risk more lives. (In my country)
Right on, agreed–women are pushing it more than the men in some areas these days. (The “male-focus” here was simply a result of tailoring the discussion to a site concerning what it takes to be a “good man.”) And yes, I hear you on the INTO THIN AIR subject. That story of the man calling his wife broke my heart. And as much as I respect a guy my age for daring to summit the highest peak in the world, at some point you’re not just risking your life. You’re risking the quality of the lives of those you’ll leave… Read more »
A friend of mine skydives and wingsuits out of Lodi, CA very very regularly. She and her now-husband even wingsuited over the Golden Gate bridge, illegally, with like smoke packs or something on their backs. They have SO MANY losses in that sport, and she grieves so hard for every single one, but I always get back to wondering what makes that risk, that high, so worth it. Also, whether she’ll stop if she and Jimmy have a baby some day…
Mark great piece and great topic. Just back from 4 days of biking in death valley (little slide show here: http://youtu.be/xMKp5FxwfJU) and am certainly part of the male culture that pushes like hell. The deaths by avalanche have been very scary. One of the leaders of our bike trip actually lost a close friend in of the most recent incidents. I should say that not sure there is too much of a gender thing here in that women have become equally crazy when it comes to extreme sports. To me it comes down to pushing myself and my body in… Read more »
Yeah, cycling where I live is probably the best cycling ever… But insanely dangerous. I see people on the canyon roads, one-lane blind turns, drivers screeching brakes to keep from hitting them. It scares the shit out of me. Tom, I’m sorry about your friend. I saw a gnarly a few months ago that sounds similar. Some mountains aren’t worth climbing, I think. Later this week we’re publishing a piece in the magazine about the Tecate 1000 by a motoX rider who found a guy dying on the side of the trail, and because they were in the middle of… Read more »