The old cliché of the overprotective dad is less funny in real life, as Michael Canaii recently found out.
Our culture is saturated with the image of the overbearing, overprotective, shotgun-toting father. The awkward and usually terrified boy trembling under the firm disapproving gaze, while the daughter looks on completely oblivious to the blatant intimidation going on right in front of her. We laugh as the scenario plays out over and over in movies and television shows. But what these images actually play a part in doing is perpetuating the belief that men, especially fathers and brothers, are expected to be the enforcers of sexual mores in our society, and that violence is stereotypically the default mode of enforcement. So what happens when a real life father discovers his real life teenage daughter is sexually active?
For New York City father Michael Canaii, the answer to that question was to show up at his daughter’s high school last week armed with a chain demanding to know “who’s fucking my daughter” and causing quite an uproar. As the New York Post reported, Mr. Canaii was arrested without anyone being harmed, as is appropriate in a situation such as this. This type of behavior cannot be condoned. However, one can’t help but wonder how this father can be held accountable for doing exactly what society expects of him when confronted with the reality of his teenage daughter having sex. Outdated ideas about sex, violence, and gender actually hurt people in the real world.
Picture: jesse.millan/Flickr
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16 Comments on "Does Fatherhood Mean Threatening Strangers With a Chain?"
“However, one can’t help but wonder how this father can be held accountable for doing exactly what society expects of him when confronted with the reality of his teenage daughter having sex. ”
FAIL. Society expected white men in the South to form lynch mobs to torture and murder black men on suspicion of having touched the sacred flesh of a white women. Do you find it equally to hold them accountable for that behavior simply because it was expected of them?
I have a beautiful daughter in her 20s and I always expected more angst about her dating…
The first time I saw her holding hands with a boy took me by surprise… Both whose hand she was holding, I thought it was his buddy who was her interest, and how my heart soared.
I think @copyleft nails it- and I’ll add my unease with and slight suspicion of men who are too protective of their daughters virtue.
As a dad, I feel I am the protector of my household. There comes a time however, when we just have to stop and let our children learn on their own. Sometimes, these are the hardest and most painful lessons to learn, but they have to be experienced. I just pray they aren’t fatal mistakes and that lessons can be learned from them.
Here’s the checklist.
1. Make sure it’s consensual.
2. Make sure it’s safe.
3. Use the opportunity to determine if she’s straight, lesbian, or bisexual.
4. Congratulate her and think back fondly to your own youth.
5. Shut the h*** up about it, you’ve embarrassed her enough already.
You are absolutely right! Thank you for pointing that out! I haven’t looked at it from that angle…so do you think the argument could be made that “facing the father” is like some kind of rite of passage for boys to become men?
And yes, we all worry worry worry about “baby girl” growing up while at the same time encouraging even young boys to “go get you some…” without giving them any actual guidance on dating etiquette or relationships! And then we judge them and get down on them when they make mistakes…
Great points! Thank you!!
Unfortunately there are some men out there who seem to get off on giving there daughters boyfriends a hard time.
Most certainly.
I bet that to those guys they saw it as a rite of passage that they went through, knowing that one day if they had daughters they would put someone’s else young son(s) through the same. Not much different from the pledge from a frat that goes through hell and then once he gets in turns around and does the same to future pledges.
When society looks at a child that in their minds is doing wrong they look at the parents for not watching over them enough, while at the same time expecting the parents to back off when it’s time for the child to make their own decisions.
I think the overprotective father is the product of a lack of trust. A lack of trust that their daughter or child will do the right thing as well as a lack of trust in their capabilities as a parent. It also points to an unwillingness to embrace that their daughter is undergoing changes and discovering her sexual side. The irony is that most often these same fathers will not caution their son for sleeping with the cheerleader. Rather they will cheer the son on. Double standards? Definitely.