We all have our own private demons when it comes to parents. I once called their bluff about Santa, and my dad picked up the phone to “call the North Pole” and cancel my presents for the year. (He still won’t tell me who was actually on the other line.)
But Justin Halpern, author of the Twitter feed @shitmydadsays, found a way to capitalize on his father’s crustiness. The 29-year old, living at home, documented the hilariously abusive things that his dad said and ended up with 1,724,028 twitter followers, a book, and a TV show starring William Shatner… all based on his dad’s non sequiturs like “You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. Don’t know what scared me most, your looks or her judgment.” (More of our favorites below)
With the TV show airing tonight, our very own Tom Matlack talked to the show’s creator and producer David Kohan. Check out the exclusive interview over at the magazine.
You can follow @shitmydadsays’ on twitter here…and while you’re there, you may as well follow us. I mean, the sh*t we say is pretty awesome too.
Some of our favorite sh*t Justin’s dad says:
- “No. Humans will die out. We’re weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy’s.”
- “Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit.”
- “Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.”
- “See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I’m thinking; How can I give less of shit? That’s why I look interested.”
- “Don’t start a story with This is SO funny. Be like saying My dick’s huge before you screw. Even if you’re right you sound like an asshole.”