It doesn’t get much worse for parents than this.
You send your child to school thinking he’ll be safe. Next thing you know, your son is in a coma and you have to take him off life support.
HLNtv’s Raising America reports:
Bailey O’Neill’s family says he was taken off life support Sunday, the day after his 12th birthday.
Bailey’s father says two bullies attacked his son on a playground near Philadelphia. Bailey suffered from a concussion and seizures. He was in a medically-induced coma for two weeks, reports local news affiliate WCAU.
So what do you do?
Do you take your kids out of school when they’re bullied? How do you know when your kid can handle the bullies and when he or she can’t?
What have you done to help protect your children?
Should you teach your kids to fight? Karate or other martial arts?
I suppose my situation was different because we had a “built in” difference. We were a different race than most of the kids in the neighborhood or school. I don’t remember even going to my parents with these problems from what I heard they had the same issues we had anyway. One difference was we could solve our issues by pounding someone. They couldn’t and just had to deal. We decided that since we were always at a numerical disadvantage in a fight, we better be able to handle multiple opponents. We all started weightlifting and/or taking up a martial… Read more »
But why John? Why should children…OUR children, need to learn prison-yard tactics in a school run by our employees? Its nuts! We’ve been conditioned to accept horrid conditions for ourselves and our children.
If these conditions were in a home, CPS would take the kids away.
Isn’t school all about preparation for life?
I don’t know how your world works; in mine I deal with bullies constantly….
There are a lot more benefits to learning martial arts than just fighting. There are health benefits. It boosts a person’s confidence. Feeling safe is a basic need. It’s way different from prison yard tactics. Some people may even find it beautiful. I don’t like dancing. I’m very self conscious, but when doing forms, I don’t have the same inhibitions. It’s weird. Maybe because martial arts are manly and dancing not so much so.
The FIRST, second and third place I look into in these cases is the leadership of the venue. The school failed miserably and ought to be held accountable in no uncertain terms. I know for a fact a school can have a culture of peace and tranquility NO MATTER WHAT. School cultures don’t just happen! They are allowed, led, cultivated and formed by the leaders. Some leaders form and allow a culture that resembles a prison’s common-area, where only the fit and sharp and nasty live to see another day. The school cultures of peace, safety and caring happen when… Read more »
When my niece was 13 (8th grade) she was attacked by a group of girls, she fought back to defend herself and was suspended for a week. When my sister confronted the principle they told her the school expects children who are being attacked to drop to the floor, curl up into a ball, protect their head as best they can, and wait for help…I will never teach my daughter to curl up into a ball and wait for help that may or may not come in time… She’s still too little, but for her next birthday our daughter is… Read more »
Similar but worse situation. Boy was suspended for stopping a student from gunning down a classmate on a bus.
The school stated he was “uncooperative” with school officials. Which more or less probably followed questioning why he had the gun in his hands after he took it from the other kid. Or the age old men have no emotion and are rocks on the inside, and the school interrogating him without remorse after the incident.
h ttp://www.fox4now.com/news/local/194396721.html
In a similar situation discussing my son with the principal I opined “I expect, and so does my attorney, constant adult supervision”. No suspension….
The details of the Bailey’s story, here, are so vague.
Yes, definitely teach your kids how to defend themselves. Also, teach them it’s about DEFENSE, never OFFENSE. Martial arts is good, because it also teaches mental and emotional discipline.
I don’t ever think my kids are safe at school or very many other places for that matter. It’s one of many reasons we are a homeschool family. Tragic society we live in. 🙁 What are kids these days watching, reading, playing, doing? Many parents have no idea. I’m so sorry for this child and his family. A huge problem with “school” is that it’s an institution in which children largely socialize with each other and learn from each other. A big part of school and lumping kids together like cattle is the learned behavior that adults are bad but… Read more »
Ideally, when learning self-defense a boy should learn the *full spectrum* of keeping himself safe. Not just how to block, punch, kick, throw, etc., but how to de-escalate a situation (if possible), how to escape, how to respond to verbal attacks, how to recognize threats, etc. Teaching a kid how to “win a fight with a bully” is only a partial answer. (Bullies can be quite easy to manipulate psychologically. They’re totally reactive and easily shamed, which is the nature of bullying in the first place.) The best defense is one that minimizes the risk of an actual physical fight,… Read more »
Absolutely. The key point in time in a bullying situation (for adults or kids) is when it is starting. The problem is that kids are not often socially savvy enough to recognize what is happening before it escalates. They need to recognize it for what it is, and have non-violent strategies as you mention to pull out of the toolbox first. IMO, total avoidance in the early stages never has a good outcome, and in fact causes it to escalate quicker. If it reaches the point of violence, I want my child to prevail. That is how you survive. My… Read more »
This is the pop psychology view of bullies. It rarely comports with the real world. The average bully kid had a bully dad and a bully mom. No nine year old is going to be intimidating to a kid who has had to deal with that his or her entire life. You won’t shame them; you will simply make a life-time enemy after that kid gets the stuffing beaten out of him for the trouble you’ve caused. A real bully won’t let you walk away. At no time in the real world is ignoring your problems a good idea. And… Read more »
There is not going to be an adult there to save your kid when they need one most. My kids are taught to avoid trouble, get help from an adult if possible, but to be ready for the time when there is no help. I’ve made sure they know how to defend themselves in a straight-forward, brutal and decisive manner. I’ll deal with the legalities later.
i’ll second that
I wish my son would participate in TaeKwon Do or karate (like myself) but he has no interest….that said, his school has a very strict anti-bullying policy…so far at the age of 12, he knows most of the kids in his MS since nursery school and has never gotten into any altercations…. I feel it is very important for all kids to learn martial arts even if you never have to use it in real life to defend yourself…as a child, I was picked on sometimes in school or summer camp bus (because of my sex or race), but luckily… Read more »
NO! Its time to realize that we owe children truly and actually SAFE environs.
We ought not have to arm our children…train our children to survive in the Prison Yard!
Damn it! Hold the schools accountable for their product. Look the principal square in the face and ask them “why do your students feel its OK to bully people in your house?!?!”
CPS will take your child away if one of their siblings o foster-siblings beats them up! Why are schools given a slide on what is right???
Yes, teach them to try get help but if that fails, stand up for yourself. Throwing one of my bullies into a wall, throwing another over a chair (Yes I used violence) actually stopped them bullying me, after the school did sweet fuck all. I had been in “counseling” for years n years with the guidance counselor (most useless job at school for tackling bullying). Infact one of the anti-bullying efforts the school did backfired n made me the target of more bullying from people who previously left me alone. Some Schools DO NOT PROTECT KIDS, why do you think… Read more »
Would fighting back have stopped them? Likely, no, but it might’ve cause a bigger commotion and a bigger response. Without knowing all the details of all these cases of grade school bullying turned lethal, whether through suicide or trauma, I’m rethinking my approach with our kids. We’ve always stressed to help or tell when someone else is getting picked on, and my wife and I have argued about the use of force. I’ve deferred to going to a teacher or an adult, and if none are present, then to walk away. When I hear this kind of news, I get… Read more »
My son just went to school yesterday, so excited to show off his new glasses, and some asshole kid called him a nerd. Today he didn’t want to go to school. Then, today, I have to write this. I’m in a rage. I have gotten in the face of kids bothering him before, told them that if they bothered him again they would be in a world of pain. I didn’t know if it was the right thing to do, but I wanted him to see that at least i believe he’s worth standing up for. I will teach my… Read more »
“Nerd” is still an insult, in this day and age? That’s so freakin’ sad that word is still used as an insult.
It’s not the words it’s how they’re said. Kids are experts at this.
Mrs. Schroeder I don’t have kids so I will not pretend to understand the way you feel about the situation. But there is one thing I do know, and that is fight. I learned from experience that martial arts teach you the maturity of the subject. Fighting yes, but only to protect yourself or those who cannot protect themselves. It also teaches discipline, the discipline of when to use it and when not to use it. As people we are all called to work and to serve each other in life. If we have a skill as such it may… Read more »
He did not want to go to schol today? Holy God Joanna! That is certainly an indicator of an ice-pick being driving through the sweet heart he has. I hope you read what I wrote on school culture. Such schools need serious re-building and a coherent plan at becoming a safe place. And I DO NOT mean “safe” as in physical harm avoided. That’s like designed a bout to stay intact at the bottom of the sea. A safe school is an emotionally-safe-place to exist in tranquility. Joanna, the very fact that Billy felt licensed to be cruel, tells me… Read more »