Josh Bowman says, “Get it, girl!”
NOTE: this article is my response to Mark Radcliffe’s piece, In Praise of Small-Breasted Women. It’s all love, Mark, but I have to big up my big‐breasted girls out there.
This goes out to those beautiful big girls. The curvaceous sensations. Those girls at the end of the alphabet…my double H’s and quadruple Z’s. My T’s and A’s. The ladies with some junk in their trunks and an attic upstairs.
You know me. I’m the one staring at you, past all those rail‐thin model types. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, and you know how to work it. What, a sense of humour too? Stop it.
Mo’Nique, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I can’t just walk past a newsstand carrying King Magazine. I have to stop. Open it up. Read some articles. Look at some butts. And put it back quickly because I’ve suddenly become self‐conscious about being a white Jewish guy reading King Magazine.
Where was I? Oh, right…butts and boobs! Yes girl. I want that body supersized. I’m borrowing my dad’s car and driving to Costco. Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you have some waist? Can you wind in a dancehall and jam in a soca fete? Of course you can.
I want to be able to bury my face in there and never come up for air. You should come equipped with scuba gear, because I want to go swimming with your two beautiful sweater manatees. I’ll bring my waterproof camera and leave my wallet in the hotel room. But hidden under some pants, because I don’t totally trust the staff there.
Guys like me, we aren’t sexually attracted to angles…we like curves! When I get in my (dad’s) car, I’m not trying to drive in a triangle.
Me? I’m looking for a strong woman with a big presence and a huge personality.
If the guy you’re with thinks you need to lose weight, then DTMF. He doesn’t appreciate you.
Photo courtesy of tachyondecay