For me, it happens when I drink too much coffee, or if I’m recovering from a weekend bender, or when I’m in the middle of an interview—no matter how confident I feel about landing the job. I’m talking, of course, about unexpected sweat. It’s one of those involuntary actions, like hiccups or goose bumps, that most of us could do without. Except, of course, that we can’t do without sweat, since it cools down our bodies.
For some people, though, sweat isn’t just an occasional inconvenience, but rather a persistent condition with an arcane scientific name. Yes, apparently millions of people suffer from hyperhidrosis. In less enlightened times, these sufferers experimented with herbal remedies and prescription drugs. But now, all they have to do is singe their armpits with lasers!
This “minor procedure” costs $3,000—plus a plane ticket to New Jersey, where the only doctor in America is performing it—and is said to be “better than Botox.” I don’t doubt that it will become popular in plastic surgery circles. While men, so long as they’re not overly groomed, can count on armpit hair to help the sweat evaporate, women who shave their armpits have long relied on military-strength antiperspirant to keep their pores sealed tight. Why not annihilate those sweat glands instead? Sure, your body will feel like a pizzeria oven when you exercise, but then again, there’s always liposuction.