Mark Radcliffe feels the video of a parking lot owner who is caught joyriding and then lying about it raises questions about whether men are encouraged by society to lie.
I stumbled across a somewhat humorous news story yesteday about a man running a parking lot who takes the owners’ cars for joyrides when they are not around–often for days on end if the cars are left there long-term. The surprising part isn’t so much this man’s corruption and blatant disrespect for other people’s property (though it’s certainly troubling), it’s how boldly he lies about it when caught on camera.
Let me be clear:
The news crew sets him up, by rigging a car with GPS tracking and hidden cameras, and have a fake couple drop off the car for a few weeks.
Then they follow him by chopper and many other means, capturing this guy (Jay Nieves of Premier Parking Spot) using the car for his personal life for days on end, joyriding, using for errands, the works.
Then they confront him and a co-worker in person, show him the videos of him driving the car around town in umpteen different scenarios, and then he does the amazing:
He takes a big drag off his cigarette and looks straight at the interviewer and says, “We weren’t driving anybody’s car… You’re completely wrong.”
It’s not just how brazenly dishonest he is, it’s his how dare you sense of righteous indignation that is perhaps most offensive. It frankly reminds me of Eddy Murphy’s “It wasn’t me” bit he did years ago about men denying they’re cheating even when caught.
The evolution and betterment of men (or really, anyone) depends upon the ability to openly consider criticism. If a guy can’t admit fault when it’s that obvious, how do you talk to him about other, more subtle ways he might be abusing the rights of others?–be it how he treats the women in his life. Or his business partners and customers. Or even the waiter.
What struck me about this video is that, while this guy is obviously an extreme example (and perhaps a sociopath, too), defiance is something I see throughout male culture, in varying degrees, and often with self-limiting results. A refusal to accept guilt or hear one’s detractors can be that the ultimate straightjacket that men often wind up in. Whether a result of our upbringing, or various influences we’ve had through media, culture, etc, we’re taught that “being a man” involves telling people to go to hell when they challenge or question you.
The ethics of “Stand up for yourself” and “Don’t take any shit” many of us are taught can get taken way too far, where you treat anyone who confronts you as a diabolical enemy even when justice and truth are 100% on their side. And it’s hard to ever learn anything when you can’t admit you’ve done anything wrong. Even in my own life—and certainly with my own writing—the line between standing your ground and knowing when to admit a mistake can be hard to see, though I do my best to spot it. But there’s also a danger in being too eager to accept criticism.
So while hopefully most of us men aren’t going around committing crimes and denying guilt when faced with video proof, when we find our character being questioned, maybe we should ask ourselves: are we just assertively standing our ground? Or are we letting our notions of “being a man” keep us from becoming better ones?
Interesting thought – is the joyride a masculine experience? Not the stealing-another-person’s-car joyride, but the notion of driving cars (especially nice cars) just for fun, experiencing joy in driving. Of course, that was easier before the gas price crisis, but still. I’ve been watching a lot of Top Gear (UK) on Netflix recently. I’m not a gearhead by any stretch, and neither is my husband actually, but he started watching it out of curiosity and I got hooked by proxy. Before now, the idea of taking a really hot car out for a spin just for fun was rather alien… Read more »
This is why I don’t use a valet to park my 5-year old Corolla. Can’t trust those guys….
“.. refusal to accept guilt or hear one’s detractors can be that the ultimate straightjacket that men often wind up in ..” I’ll make this really easy to understand: *** A culture without compassion is a culture without remorse *** Why should a man admit to anything? Ever? Have a look at the barabaric cruelty that America calls “justice”: https://goodmenproject.com/fathers-day/a-sons-life-sentence/ This is a nation that extends to men no compassion, no forgiveness, no understanding, and no second chances. The brutality can come from people dressed in blue, or in black, or sometimes in white. But come it will. And every… Read more »
Careful now. I hear what you’re saying and don’t deny the injustices, and I know from other posts of yours how deeply you have been hurt personally. But the idea that the injustice done by society to men means all social contracts, including the ones enforced by law (stealing others’ property), are off … that’s not reform, that’s anarchy. Or worse, it’s throwing your hands up in the air and saying “Why bother trying? None of it matters.” That defeatist attitude doesn’t help anyone. The guy didn’t lack remorse. If that was the case, he would have said “Yeah, I… Read more »
Anthony:
You just made the whole Internet a better place.
I hope I catch up to your level of insight.
Thank you.
On one end, I see this man as an utter a***ole.
OTOH, well, he’s “just” practicing a last line of defense. A desperate attempt, if you will.
I mean, self-preservation is a deep rooted istinct.
Denial is a way protect ourselves, both from consequences and from ego shattering. We often deny what we can’t just stand.
Hence, while I’m all for honesty and integrity, I think denial it’s a human fault.
Having said that, I agree with your last questions: the way we face questioning, reveals our real character.