Every time I hear the name “Joran van der Sloot,” I want to vomit. I can’t help it. It pains me to write his name here, but he’s weaseled his way back into the news for being even dumber than we thought.
We all know his story. He’s being held in custody for the murder of a 21-year-old Peruvian woman. More famously, he’s the last guy to be seen with Natalie Holloway before she disappeared in 2005. He’s admitted to the murder of both women and then tried to retract the admissions.
Now, he’s admitting to extorting money from Holloway’s parents in exchange for the location of her body. We’d heard that he gave them a bogus location and took the money for himself, using it to flee to South America. Now he’s confirming it.
He says he wanted to get them back at them for ruining his life. Wait, so they ruined his life? Are we sure this man has a brain? He’s tried to mold the admission into an apology. He says he “misused the situation for my own advantage.” Don’t fall for it. In addition to not having a brain, the van der sloot doesn’t have a conscience. Based on his past, he’ll retract this admission, too.
Van der Sloot needs to go away. I say we teach him to be an astronaut, get his hopes up, send him into space, and then just leave him up there. Does that work for everyone?