In recent “If-you’re-not-exactly-like-me-you’re-bad” news, openly gay actor polarized the LGBT+ community when he made comments to the Daily Telegraph in the UK about two-dad families:
“I can’t think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads.
“Some people might not agree with that. Fine! That’s just my opinion.
“The only community I belong to is humanity and we’ve got too many children on the planet, so it’s good not to have more.”
Overpopulation aside, it’s hard not to shake your head in dismay at anyone making a statement like this, let alone a person who identifies as gay… Perhaps Everett never wanted kids and doesn’t feel the innate desire to make a family with someone he loves, but it does seem a bit baffling that he would so publicly speak against something that the vast majority of people in the LGBT+ community are actively campaigning for.
The Telegraph quotes Ben Summerskill of of Stonewall, saying ““There is absolutely no evidence that the kids of gay parents suffer in the way they are being brought up or in how they develop.”
Are you surprised by Rupert Everett’s thoughts on two-dad families?
What do you think motivated him to speak out on this issue?
Also read ‘Modern Family’ Thinks My Family is Creepy by Jerry Mahoney
Photo of Rupert Everett courtesy of Featureflash / Shutterstock.com
Are you surprised by Rupert Everett’s thoughts on two-dad families?
Nope – our dear Rup has always been a prat, and has a terrible habit of opening his gob, sticking any available foot in it (there seem to be an endless supply) and then shrugging it all off with supposed boyish charm.
It worked when he was 20ish, but it’s far less interesting when it’s 50ish!
He might be looking and agreeing with the Regnerus study, which found that children raised in gay households were less well adjusted as adults than children who weren’t. I suspect that it had less to do with the child rearing of the parents than with the reaction of people outside the family.
That study has a considerable flaw in it, principally that it didn’t compare apples to oranges. It compared married heterosexual couples to gay single and two-parent households, and those households were before gays had the right to marry and included the time period of the AIDS epidemic. If the comparison is between stable households and unstable households the stable households will always win (I’m sure I could pit the many stable gay and lesbian households around here with unstable heterosexual households and draw the conclusion that gays and lesbians make better parents). I think in 20-30 years, once attitudes towards… Read more »
Rupert should speak for himself. If he doesn’t want kids that’s fine, but the gay community could do without his “help” in the fight for equality – it has plenty to overcome already. As for some of the comments here: if we’re going by personal experiences, I was raised in an “ideal” male/female home that was no such thing and I’d rather have been raised by same-sex parents that love their kids and respect their partner. As for a child needing a parent of the same sex to relate to their experiences in puberty and other adventures in growing up… Read more »
Studies actually show that the children of gay parents are doing just fine. They’re not bullied or abused more than other kids. Rupert Everett shouldn’t have kids because he doesn’t think he’s good enough to parent. I hope he manages to fix that self-confidence problem, but I’m not in a hurry for him to spawn.
No one is saying that gay people or lesbian people don’t make great parents. Heck my lesbian aunt and her partner of 31 years are first in line to raise my kids if something should happen to me. But I am speaking as someone who had a great two parent home (raised by two strong, caring and intelligent women) and still missed my father. Don’t hate on Rupert because this is his opinion. The ideal is to have a mother and father in the home. Anything other than that is less than ideal. If a single woman has a baby… Read more »
My ideal is to have more than two adults in the home. How about four parents? Or fourteen? Throw in some extended family while you’re at it. It appears this two-parent nuclear family thing is a fairly recent invention and I’m not so certain it’s working out all that well.
Okay.
I agree. It takes a village, especially these days. Along those lines, a reasonable and more responsible compromise that puts the children first, not the parents’ egos, is for same sex couples to also have an opposite sex parent. That would give the child(ren) access to an opposite sex parental relationship, which is important for all children to have. Have as many same sex parents as you want, as long as there is at least one opposite sex legal parent. Sure, kids can grow up just fine with no parents at all but having at least one of each sex… Read more »
Excellent point. I was stymied by Nick, mostly. As I stated before I ended up with two kids, my niece and nephew. I love them to death but I know that even though I am doing my best they are missing out. I sometimes contemplate dating just to find a husband so that they can have a male in the household. Then I come to my senses. But in an ideal world I wish that I could find that perfect partner for their well-being. We have a full house. My aunt and her partner of 31 years live with us… Read more »
Just any man? Just any woman? I’d say a household with a male female parent who are neglectful isn’t ideal at all when compared to a two man or two woman household that is attentive. Or as Nick mentioned three or more. You mentioned in a comment (I think) that you missed your dad. Was it your dad specifically? Or just “a man” in the house. I can easily understand missing your dad. My dad died when I was 9 and my mom never dated but lived close to her sister so I was raised more or less by two… Read more »
I’d need to know what you mean by “ideal” anyway. That’s a word chock full o “values” statements.
Ideal, meaning best case scenario. It’s not necessarily a matter of values, rather basic human interaction practicality. Being parented by a mother is not the same as being parented by a father. They each offer overlapping but also unique advantages.
That is why same sex partners who wish to become parents are wise to also have an opposite sex parent, preferably the biol parent, to ensure that the child(ren) benefit from having at least one parent of each sex.
Parenting isn’t a right limited to those people who are somehow “ideal” parents. This is just the way the world is. We have babies all over the damn place, and sperm and ova just don’t wait around for the ideal circumstances. People with disabilities, people in poverty, people with drug addictions, people with all kinds of challenges that make it hard or impossible for them to be ideal parents. While it would no doubt give a child an expanded view of the world to have adults close to hir of both/all sexes, why stop there? Shouldn’t children also have exposure… Read more »
This discussion is not about who has the “right” to be a parent, rather what is best for each child, to give them the experience offered by both a mother and a father. Mothers and fathers aren’t interchangeable. They each offer something the other can’t give. Otherwise, these articles about the importance of fathers is all hogwash.
I always wonder why we try to have this conversation with Eric…
I wonder why you run articles extolling the unique benefits of fathers and then claim that there are none. . .
Of course, show. A parent’s example (showing) is the most powerful teacher. However, it must be “show AND tell”, not just show OR tell. One of the most important aspects of parenting is communication, explaining why and how, for example, and then demonstrating, to the greatest possible extent.
And, having the ability to “show” is precisely why it’s best to have at least one parent of each sex, as I illustrsted above.
I’m not sure I understand how your desire for unique advantages leads to having parents with different genital configurations. Isn’t the goal to provide a full range of experiences for the child? That’s why I made my comment about four or more. Ultimately it’s not the genitals that matter, but that the child is exposed to a wide range of modeled behaviors (positive ones we hope).
Fathers and mothers aren’t the same, as men and women aren’t interchangeable. Thus, having a parent-child relationship with at least one of each offers unique benefits. For instance, having a good relationship with her father benefits girls in ways that having only a mother or 3 mothers can’t. The same is true of boys and their mothers, boys and their fathers, and girls and their mothers.
I’m not suggesting the fungibility of parents, but rather trying to understand why the particular genitals a parent has is of primary concern. What is different between a “father” and a “mother” that makes each of them necessary? To whit, I have heterosexual friends where the “father” is stay-at-home and provides nurturing support while the “mother” is the corporate breadwinner and disciplinarian. I have lesbian friends where one mother performs traditionally “masculine” tasks while the other is more conventionally “feminine.” I have a third set of friends, another heterosexual couple, where neither models traditional masculinity. What makes the first or… Read more »
How can a mother teach her son by example, by how she lives each day of her life (which is the most powerful and effective way of teaching) how to be a man, such as how to be a good father, how men ought to treat women, how a husband ought to treat his wife, how a father ought to treat his daughters and sons, how men to treat and interact with women in general, how to treat and interact with other men? How can a mother give her daughter the experience of having her father’s unconditional love? How can… Read more »
Teach your children to be decent human beings. Show, not tell. That is all.
I think this this ideal comes from our modern notion of the nuclear family. As we become increasingly isolated from our neighbors and extended families, our children spend more time with, and increasingly rely on their parents as the adult role models in their lives. I’m not that old, but I remember growing up that pretty much any of my neighbors were a sort of in loco parentis. Can you imagine today what would happen if a neighbor disciplined a child (and I don’t mean corporal punishment)? As we’ve turned inward, we create these tight-knit families and it’s us against… Read more »
Don’t worry I have no intention of trying to convince you. I understand that parenting and familial issues are different for everyone. I appreciate positive role models. I think I indicated that I had pretty fabulous ones. Because of the females in my life I was able to believe that I could rise above my circumstances, go to law school and take on the raising of my niece and nephew. No matter how you slice it though I think the idea situation for any child is to be raised by their bio Mom and Dad. When I am speaking of… Read more »
“My dad died when I was 9”
I’m sorry to hear that. My dad died before I turned 2. When I hear about the love my mom had for him and the stories from my oldest brother and the respect of the people he worked with, I can’t help but miss a man I never knew. Life would have been easier with a dad especially financially. I also suspect that I would be a different person. Not necessarily better. My father was a conservative Republican. I am mostly a liberal Democrat.
I don’t see a need to shake my head in dismay. I don’t see the controversy. I think most people, if they were honest, would say they would prefer to be raised by a mother and father than by two dads. I know everyone tries to be all politically correct, but let’s be real. Who are we trying to kid? I can see 2 main motivating factors, excluding any related to homophobia. One would be, having the benefit of the unique qualities offered by both genders. The other would be that it creates less complications, in many respects, all other… Read more »
Absolutely.
Of course, I also object to the buying and selling of gametes to conceive children for people who do not find said cells at their disposal, and the casual dismissal of the adults to whom that genetic material belongs…But these modern times do bring on some strange dilemmas!
I was largely estranged from one of my parents and it had a huge effect on me, in spite of tremendous support from my other parent, older siblings, and grandparents. No getting ’round it.
If you want to have 2, 3, or 4 parents of one sex, that’s a choice that is available. But, that doesn’t replace a parent of the opposite sex. Each child should have at least one parent of each sex.
As Servaas stated, there is no substitute for a mom or dad. No matter how many dads a child has, they don’t replace a mom, or vice-versa.
I surely can’t say what motivated his statement but Elton John said something similar a while back in stating that his boy (I think it’s a boy?) is missing out for not having a mom. A biological mom and dad is the ideal. Anything other than that (bar the exceptions) generally would have kids miss out. Not sure where Summerskill went to look for the evidence though? Most evidence regarding that is either flawed or premature. Work’s being done to get more acurate studies done though. It’s not too difficult not shaking your head at his statment, it’s his opinion… Read more »
I don’t agree with the bitterness in his comment. I grew up in a house with my mom and my grandma. Both were wonderful women. My grandma was a nurse for over 30 years. My mom was an office manager and a nurse during the course of her life. They both helped with homework. Enrolled me in all kinds of activities. I always felt like I lived in a two parent home but I did miss the presence of a father in the home. I don’t think that two dads is the worst thing in the world but I get… Read more »
Who is Ben Summerskill from stonewall & way should his opinion matter then a gay man who’s stating his opinion about a subject that he might have some knowledge of, Joanna! !!. I have No issues about gay marriage or even having more than one partner, for the simple fact that consenting adults & their personal life’s are no body else’s business period, but when it comes to two males raising a child as a couple! ! The Jury is still out. Even in countries where it legalized on top of various studies that are showing negative impact on the… Read more »