In yet another brilliant comedic stroke, The Onion (everyone’s favorite fake news source in a world where the “real news” is increasingly, oh, I dunno, fake) presents a detailed walk-through of how NFL players can tell if they have a concussion. According to The Onion, which enjoys making fun of serious medical issues like concussions, some symptoms of a bad concussion include:
- If you’re aware enough to wonder if you have a concussion, you probably don’t.
- Slow reaction times compared to the other, perhaps better and stronger players.
- A sudden urge to play in the CFL.
- Feeling like a giant pussy.