HeatherN hopes that maybe someday soon we will live in a world where ‘coming out’ means nothing more than showing up at the Oscars with a date that happens to be the same gender.
Following a host of other out celebs (such as Matt Bomer, Jim Parsons, and Zachary Quinto) Anderson Cooper came out as gay today in a published e-mail to Andrew Sullivan at the Daily Beast. You can see the email here. I almost didn’t write anything about it, because even the novelty of coming out quietly is starting to wear off, and that’s really quite encouraging.
Celebs don’t seem to be coming out in defiance of ‘conventional wisdom’ about show business anymore, or at least not primarily. As Cooper states in his e-mail, he’s coming out publicly simply to add to the visibility of queer people. Great visibility helps make homosexuality be perceived as more normal by the mainstream. The more normal homosexuality is the more equal gay people can be in our society.
And interestingly, the more low-key coming out stories also contributes to making society perceive homosexuality as normal. Being gay and a celebrity doesn’t mean having to do a huge interview in a major magazine anymore. It’s not career ending, or even career altering anymore. For the most part, a celeb can talk about being gay in the same way they might talk about any other aspect of their personal lives.
Maybe someday soon we will live in a world where ‘coming out’ means nothing more than showing up at the Oscars, or whatever, with a date that happens to be the same gender as the celeb. And maybe no one will look twice at that person’s date, (unless of course that date qualifies for best-dressed or worst-dressed). I think more celebrities coming out quietly will help us reach that rather ideal future sooner rather than later.
AP Photo/ Peter Kramer
I do see what you mean, and I’ve heard the stuff about positive reclamation, etc., I just disagree with it. Same with the whole LGBT alphabet soup thing. As you rightly point out Heather (in the comment above, and the article you linked me to), any of these terms are fraught. The reason is, we are ascribing random qualities to various identities when in fact all are disparate. The term LGBT, even, is something I can’t stand. Although I understand its use for convenience and brevity, homosexuality is not the same thing as transgenderism; it is a completely unrelated identity.… Read more »
Yes gender and sexual orientation are different, but for a long time western culture has conflated the two, which is why fighting for gay rights is so closely tied to fighting for non-cisgender rights. As for whether identifying ourselves as “other” actually is more of a problem by reinforcing the concept that we’re “other,” well I was thinking about writing an article about just that. When lgbt (queer, whatever) people were actually invisible it was because they were shunned and forced to hide. By coming out and claiming your “queerness” you set yourself apart from the norm…but at the same… Read more »
I understand what you’re saying and it’s an argument I often hear against mine, but I have to refute it. My refusal to identify with the mainstream ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ movements – and even my arguments against them – has not impeded my visibility. Refusing to buy in to this idea that homosexuals are ‘less than’ or victims or ‘weaker’, or ‘weird’, has not diminished my activism, or my being open about who I am. In fact, it’s led to very interesting conversations. The mainstream gay/queer ‘community’ is simply buying into society’s stereotypes and reproducing them in a toxic way,… Read more »
With ‘queer’, I doubt it’s necessarily conscious self-loathing, and obviously I can’t randomly diagnose all people who call themselves that – that’d be kind of rude – but nonetheless, I don’t think it’s a stretch. It’s not kind to call oneself strange I think you misunderstand the use of “queer”. The use of queer is a celebration of living lives that a different from what is prescribed by social norms. When we call ourselves queer we are deliberately saying we have stepped outside narrow social standards for what love, family, sexuality, and lived life should look like, and we are… Read more »
No, I’m not misunderstanding the use of ‘queer’ – I just disagree with it. I don’t see why there is any reason to celebrate living outside social norms. In the same way, there’s no reason to celebrate living within social norms. Neither is ‘better’ than the other, but I think that’s what bothers me with those who cling to this notion of the ‘gay’/’queer’ community – they seem to think they have achieved something by allowing mainstream society to exclude the crap out of them. And please, who wants to destroy social norms? That’s absurd and will never happen. It… Read more »
Good on Anderson Cooper – the more high-profile people come out, the better. It sends a hugely positive message to homosexual youth that it’s okay to accept your sexuality. You know what doesn’t send a positive message? Homosexuals calling themselves ‘queer’. It’s the most self-loathing thing I can think of, and I end up grinding my teeth every time it’s said. Identifying as ‘queer’ is basically saying that you are different/strange/not normal because of your sexuality. I can’t stand it and I really wish the mainstream ‘gay’ community would cut this out. It’s a really negative thing.
Couple of things to remember about the term queer: When lgbt people use that term to describe themselves it’s really a reclamation of that term, in much the same way many lesbians use the term dyke. When people are reclaiming the word they are recognizing that society does treat them as different, but also saying that hey, everyone is a little different. That’s the beauty of it…we’re not all the same. (Which, that being said, I definitely am not saying everyone has to embrace the term, as it still does carry negative connotations. I’m just saying, when lgbt people use… Read more »
We’ve had a number of politicians here (Denmark) come out by bringing a same-sex partner to a public function. Ditto sports celebrities. We’ve also had a couple of flaming-gay politicians, coming loud and often. There should be room for all. I agree it would be good to get to a point where “coming out” has transformed into “meet my partner”. However, as someone with same-sex partners I can attest that we are not there yet. It’s also worth noting that at least part of the lgbt community is weary of the confluence of “same-sex relationships being normal” and “heteronormative same-sex… Read more »
No right, I get the problem of “homonormative” culture as well. I don’t mean to say there shouldn’t be room for people to let their ‘freak flag’ fly, so to speak. I’m saying I’m looking forward to the day that nobody cares. I mean about whether you’re flaming or wicked butch or whatever. When I say I long for the day where same-sex relationships are normal, I don’t mean when they all look like heteronormative relationships. I mean, I long for he day when we stop trying to regulate what people’s personal, romantic relationships and gender identity and expression look… Read more »
Right. And it *is* empowering to LGBT youth to have role models, for all kinds of lives – including role models for “living a life like everyone else while gay”. So, yes, it is good for someone like Anderson Cooper to come out.