1. Please, not another Korean war.
2. It costs $25,000 to punch a rapist.
3. But you could win $14 million if you sleepwalk naked.
4. Well, um, I guess we’ve got that going for us.
5. Don’t be that guy.
6. Put down that commemorative drinking glass from your local fast food chain right now.
7. President Obama bends to political pressure and pardons Cranberry, the Thanksgiving turkey.
8. Environmentalists need to find a new way to connect to the Internet.
9. I’ve always wanted to shoot someone—while I brushed my teeth.
10. Today’s challenge: blindfold yourself and try to walk in a straight line.