This is just mind-numbingly offensive. I, and many men I know, are first and foremost dads. We define ourselves by our ability to care for our children in partnership with our spouses. I like to say that I am a baby whisperer. Give me a kid, my own or somebody else’s, 18 months or younger who is having a tantrum and I can tame the beast. Something about broad shoulders, a certain rocking of the hips, and cheek to cheek contact that soothes the savage in every soul. I wish I was as successful at many other aspects of life as a 47 year-old man.
But when I am taking care of my own kids in my own home, apparently the Federal Government views the mother of my children as the real parent and me as nothing more than a nanny:
When both parents are present in the household, the U.S. Census Bureau assumes for the purposes of its “Who’s Minding the Kids?” report, that the mother is the “designated parent.” And when the designated parent is working or at school, the bureau would like to know who’s providing child care.
If the answer is Daddy, as it was 26 percent of the time when these numbers were last released, in 2005, and 32 percent of the time in 2010, the Census Bureau calls that “care.” But if Mom is caring for a child while Dad’s at work, that’s not a “child care arrangement,” but something else. Parenting, presumably.
“Regardless of how much families have changed over the last 50 years women are still primarily responsible for work in the home,” said Lynda Laughlin of the Census Bureau’s Fertility and Family Statistics Branch. “We try to look at child care as more of a form of work support.” A mother, said Ms. Laughlin, is “not only caring for the child only while Dad works. She’s probably caring for the child 24 hours and so Dad is able to go to work regardless.”
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeThat bears repeating. If, every morning, I go off to work and my husband stays home with a child, that’s a “child care arrangement” in the eyes of this governmental institution. If the reverse is true, it’s not. I asked Ms. Laughlin if the Census Bureau collected data on the hours mothers spend offering “work support” to their husbands. “No,” she said. “We don’t report it in that direction.”
This is the kind of stuff that I just don’t understand. I am all for equal rights for women, moms, lesbians, muslims, blacks, browns, the blind and any other minority you can dream up.
So how about Dads?
Hi guys, I think you are missing the point if you just see the offense to fatherhood. The offense here is twofold- when women work, they are presumed to need childcare, and when men work (and have children) , the presumption is they DON’T need childcare- the presumption is that the mother will do it- she will do it for nothing, and therefore society does not have to pay for it. Obviously, we all pay for good child care whether in dollars or lost opportunity cost, and women who are giving up full time work to stay at home with… Read more »
This truly is offensive, and I say that as a feminist. A father taking care of his children is not a nanny or a babysitter, he’s a FATHER. To assign their primary care automatically to their mother as an assumption is both restrictive to her and denying to him.
I don’t know why there needs to be gendered language at all in looking at childcare in the census. If there is a “primary childcare provider” or “designated parent” then why not just have that as gender-neutral category? Why not just “primary childcare provider”? Or, for that category, have a sub-question about that person’s gender, if that person chooses to mark that box. It’s a childcare arrangement either way. By the census’ gendered logic, the best parental situation would be to be raised by a female same-sex couple, and the worst would be to be raised by one or two… Read more »
Right the hell on.
Agreed.
+1, my eyes just rolled in disgust at how the census configured its study
this.
stupid female privilege bull.
I swear, these people are acting out on their extremist politics.
Women are getting too much say in the care of children.
I’d laugh if these same women/politicians/gov’t people are homophobes too, who say it’s an absolute must for a child to grow up with two heterosexual parents but then turn around and say fathers are just “child care/babysitters”. Then again, they’re both equally laughable.
shit, I wanna go on and on
So I read the article and was pissed off by the way farthers are being marginalized. I read the comments and pretty much agreed with them. And then I got to this one and saw this: “Women are getting too much say in the care of children.” I would say that is incorrect. Really I think it’d be more accurate to say: men do not have enough say in the care of children. It is a subtle, but important difference. It is not necessary for women to lose their position as a mother in order for men to regain their… Read more »
Try read the comments again but role-play the part of a husband who isn’t seen as good a parent as the mother, where everything regarding children is mother-first, the first thing that pops into the mind when someone says parent is a mother, where men are questioned on their ability and trust around children. This could be what some men see and believe, their partners could be totally controlling of the choices regarding children and their men are just the payer of the bills. Society I feel still seems to think mothers are the better parent so their opinion carries… Read more »
Yeah, like I’m saying I agree with the comments. Dividing parents in the census based on gender is idiotic and insulting. And I definitely see it as evidence that our society is devaluing fatherhood. I was just pointing out the language cuz…well I can’t help but comment when I have an opinion. I just got finished commenting on someone else’s language in a comment. So clearly this is something I’m interested in. But also, I think language isn’t just tricky, but extremely important. Every word we use has layers of meaning, and when we string them together in sentences they… Read more »
I agree with you. Sorry for my choice of words. I re-evaluated my statement which you highlighted and I believe you are correct 🙂
Gender bias in studies? Colour me very surprised. /sarcasm
The only surprise is that anyone would be surprised by this. Our family-law system has been diligently marginalizing, excluding, and trivializing fatherhood as standard policy for decades now. It’s the only way to ensure that women are always the “real parent” in all possible situations where a conflict or disagreement may arise.
There are no ‘fathers’ anymore; there are only wallets, and that role is unchanged even after the mother takes her kids away from you and kicks you out… with the full and unquestioning support of our legal system.
As I’ve said before I don’t think fatherhood officially exists any more. There’s the mother and then there is whatever male person the mother is cohabiting with , if any. But it doesn’t seem to make any real difference if that male is the biological father or just her boyfriend with respect to the rights he has (or rather doesn’t have) and his duties. So this is like a society where fatherhood is not recognised as existing. Some cultures used to do that I think especially if they were more free about sex and it wasn’t clear who the father… Read more »
Is this residual BS from the 60s crap?
Of course, my divorce judge won’t let me cover the childcare when SHE is at work.
Just shoot me please.
Reminds me of that World Gender Gap report that actively ignores areas where women come out better than men.
Its stuff like this that backs up the very prevailent idea that when a dad has the kids for the night he is “babysitting”.
This isn’t just offensive (which is bad enough), this is dangerous. Remember this is the kind of stuff that is used to create public policy and LAW. They start out with the premise that if a mother is the home SHE IS THE PARENT, Dad is well, not sure what Dad is. Notice as well , that is mom isn’t there, he can proxy answers on HER behalf. IOW, it can’t give his own answers, SHE has the first and final say. This is very dangerous , this is what judges and politician use to make decisions, this is what… Read more »