Avital Nathman seeks to eliminate gender stereotypes, not gender.
We got an amazing response to our series on The End of Gender — over 25 articles across a variety of different media platforms. And the conversation continues: over at The Mamafesto, Avital Nathman writes:
When I think of gender-neutral parenting, I don’t think about completely dismantling the notion of gender. Rather, my goal is to provide space for my son to feel comfortable with whatever activity/book/color/toy/TV show/t-shirt/etc… he chooses regardless of the stereotypical gender associated with it.
If he wants to wear a pink shirt and butterfly wings, I want that to be okay.
If he wants to run around with a blue shirt and Superman cape, I want that to be okay as well.
I don’t want him to grow up thinking that he is limited in his choices because of gender stereotypes, and I don’t want him to grow up and limit other people (men & women) because of gender stereotypes.
However, I’m not saying we should get rid of gender as a construct.
I remember having a difficult discussion with my son when he wanted to wear his little cowboy chaps and hat to school. That seems to touch on a similar scenario, of being half ridiculous and half manipulating of gender styles. In hindsight I suppose that it wouldn’t have been that bad to have let him go with wearing it.
Say what you want, I hope my son doesn’t end up wearing a pink shirt and butterfly wings. Mainly because he’d look ridiculous. And yes, because it’s very feminine. I’m not “mindless” for not liking pink on guys, it’s just my opinion. Everyone can wear what they want, it’s a free country. Go nuts. But I’m also free to mock ridiculous looking outfits. Stereotypes exist everywhere. So with gender comes gender stereotypes. Stop whining about it. You’re free to ignore them or accept them as you please. Some I ignore, others I buy into. Dress your kids any way you… Read more »
Agree 100%.
What’s ridiculous though is your assertion that pink and butterfly wings are somehow feminine. There is nothing, nothing at all, biologically feminine about the color pink. In fact, historically pink was a boy’s color because it was seen as a watered-down version of red. Blue was actually the preferred color for girls. in fact, in the 19th century, clothing was “gender-neutral” for both boys and girls until marketers realized they could make more money by dividing clothing along gender lines, which happened after World War 2, so pink being for girls is incredibly recent. Both boys and girls wore white… Read more »
A lot of what we come to believe is culturally conditioned. In fact, cultural conditioning probably plays an even bigger factor than biology ever will, so much that we tend to believe boys and girls are radically different from each other without realizing conditioning plays and even larger role than biology. So you were raised to believe pink is feminine without really questioning why pink is considered feminine. Once you start questioning stuff like this, you’ll actually be, I don’t know, enlightened?
That’s fine for a toddler or very young child but an unreasonable objective as he gets older unless the goal is for the kid to become a cross dresser.
Give me one legitimate reason a man should not wear a pink shirt with butterflies on it other than the notion that it is feminine.
Please quote me saying that “a man should not wear a pink shirt with butterflies on it.” I personally don’t care what another man chooses to do.
He can wear a pink shirt with butterflies on it, a tiara, a tutu, a VS push-up bra, and Jimmy Choo Quantum Embossed Fushia Sandals, as far as I’m concerned. It’s a free country. Anybody has the right to cross dress if they wish to.
One only needs to look at clothing through out history to know how idiotic that comment is. The only thing you need teach a child is how to be free to choose their clothing and not be a marketing victim.
Not be driven to foolishly chase fashion directives at their own expense, how to think for themselves and not be gullible puppet of marketing executives and of course to never be the mindless minion of advertising and attack other people for what they choose to wear.