Andy Hinds was shocked by the way Hanna Rosin portrayed his life in her book The End of Men – and he wants to set the record straight.
Last year, Hanna Rosin interviewed me, based on my experiences as a stay-at-home dad, for a story about “breadwinning wives.” A portion of that interview ended up on the pages of her bestselling book, The End of Men. What she got wrong about our conversation is what she gets wrong in the book: not all men are inflexible and unable to adapt to shifting gender expectations and opportunities. And the men who don’t inhabit traditionally masculine roles aren’t all miserable sad sacks.
Here are some excerpts from my piece on The Daily Beast:
[Hanna Rosin and I] spoke for over an hour about the joys and challenges of parenting, about perceptions of masculinity, about my relationship with my wife, and about my and my wife’s backgrounds. Among other topics, we discussed the fact that, despite growing up in a military family, I have parents who enthusiastically support the decisions my wife and I have made regarding our parenting roles. Likewise, my very traditional Vietnamese immigrant in-laws have no qualms with our domestic arrangements.
Rosin seemed surprised and impressed at this, yet she continued to press me for evidence to support her theory: marital tensions, awkward encounters with moms on the playground, feelings of shame at my own gender betrayal, and so on.
The reality: As I told Rosin, I’ve never been happier or more comfortable in my own skin than I have during my three-year stint staying home with my kids. I said there are moments of frustration and fatigue, of course, but when I consider how I feel about my place in the “new gender landscape,” I feel my life is a tremendous success.
Then I saw the book…
…
Some critics have called The End of Men a misandrist book, and it’s a claim that’s hard to dismiss when you read generalizations like this: “When it comes to the knowledge, drive, and discipline necessary to succeed, women are the naturals with whom men have to strain to keep up.”
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad freeWhile reading the statistics and anecdotes Rosin uses to illustrate men’s downward spiral, I couldn’t shake the feeling that these laments were tinged with schadenfreude. In her conclusion, Rosin offers some faint glimmerings of hope for us, but throughout the body of the book, men are portrayed as a lost cause. Instead of searching for ways to level the playing field, she seems to accept that women’s achievements must come at an exorbitant price to men.
For more of my story, see my piece on The Daily Beast
I see that the OP remained polite and under stated to the end. Personally I would have capitalised “schadenfreude” so that it’s meaning was clear – not just to Rosen but her overgrowing hoards of evangelical disciples – new bible in hand. It’s always interesting to hear from people who feature in best sellers and supposed bibles – the truth is all too often more interesting than the fiction! It’s even funnier when you have Rosen back peddling, blaming it all on the editors and saying “I’ll have to fix that in my next book.” – pure Diva! P^) …… Read more »
First of all, let me just say that I envy you. I used to fantisize about winning the “Thousand dollars a week for life” lotttery games and be able to send more time with my children growing up. Even as the Bread Winner” I always told my wife she had the “more important” job. Raising our children. Any way, Ms Rosin seems to be stuck in the 60’s or early 70’s as toward her attitude toward SAHD’s. May someoe should tell her that June Cleaver and Harriet Nelson were fictional characters!
“When it comes to the knowledge, drive, and discipline necessary to succeed, women are the naturals with whom men have to strain to keep up.” It’s a huge red flag to me when someone uses generalizations like “innately better” or “naturally more inclined” without providing any evidence. Rosin may be subject to an editor/publisher who is sensationalizing her writing to some degree, but even if you look at her articles on the Atlantic you get the sense she’s making the tent smaller instead of bigger, to borrow a phrase from the Republican Party. I read the first couple of chapters… Read more »
I thought it was your giant head, exaggerated features, and tiny body that made you a caricature. Turns out it was an integrity bereft writer. The more you know.
No. You were right the first time. Did you not read the whole article? She cast a spell on me and made my head gigantic. Sucks.