The Manliest Position – President

Should the President of the United States be decided on the basis of the manliness of candidates? Definitely not. Do we, as a nation, go to the voting booth with manliness in mind anyways?

Let’s take a look at what makes a modern man … well, manly, and see how the current GOP and Democratic frontrunners stack-up against each other.

Food —

One way to look at a man is through his appetites, which ones he fights and which ones he gives into.

Barack Obama admitted in 2008 to favoring food from the Italian Fiesta Pizzeria in Chicago, and also claims that his favorite food to make is chili, a stereotypical guy go-to.

Mitt Romney admits to liking hot dogs and hamburgers, but remains evasive as interviewers try to convince him to commit to one favorite food.

Point: 1 – Obama; who has been photographed eating greasy food and is okay with picking a favorite and sticking to it. As I mentioned on the last slide, Santorum has yet to admit to a favorite meal, as far as I could find.

Drink—

You can tell a lot about a man by what he drinks. Hemingway was known for favoring the mojito while in Cuba. Yet Teddy Roosevelt, a big game hunter like Hemingway, consumed coffee in large amounts while avoiding alcohol altogether.

Romney, a professed Mormon, sticks to his moral convictions when choosing his drinks. You won’t catch him kicking back a beer, but you might be able to watch him serve his kids Coca-Cola. An LDS mandate against hot drinks that explicitly bans coffee and tea is often confused with explicitly banning cola products as well.

Obama also avoids alcohol while stocking the White House’s pantry. Although, he doesn’t seem to have a problem with caffeine, apparently favoring Honest Tea’s (insert politician joke here) Green Dragon and Black Forest Berry flavors.

Point: 1 – Obama, 1 – Romney; while I personally prefer Hemingway’s tastes and cannot imagine a life without caffeine, what’s more manly than having the courage to stick to your convictions? I could not find any information on Santorum’s drink preferences.

Education—

The modern man is intelligent, not brutish but brainy. The standards of masculinity still certainly include physical components (which the next slide will cover) but part of being manly is self-assuredness, which ideally comes from intelligence. In a perfect world, we could factor in emotional intelligence and common sense to balance out standardized testing scores, but that is beyond the scope of this post, regretfully. For the moment, I will resort to a quick and dirty comparison of each man’s educational background.

Romney began his undergraduate studies at Stanford but left after a year. He ultimately finished his undergrad degree requirements at Brigham Young University. Romney attended Harvard for his graduate degrees, enrolling in a joint degree program and earning his J.D. and M.B.A.

Obama started his undergrad career at Occidental College and then transferred to Columbia University. After a period working, he returned to school and earned his J.D. from Harvard. While his education ended there, he did not leave the profession, but taught for over a decade at the University of Chicago Law School.

Santorum attended Penn State for undergrad, the University of Pittsburgh for an M.B.A., and went back to Penn State for his J.D.

Points: 1 point awarded to each contestant. While Romney and Santorum both earned graduate business degrees, a career in education has to be respected as well.

Bathing Suit vs. Business Suit—

While both men are undeniably professional in their attire, the criterion of physical appearance is arguably the most subjective. At 64, Mitt Romney plays the George Clooney to Barack Obama’s (50 years old, by the way) Brad Pitt. For better or worse, not being afraid to show the body is an attractive trait in either sex, and Obama has repeatedly proven that he is not afraid to show a little skin. I originally wanted to make a James Dean comment, but apparently Obama threw away his cancer sticks, so I went the Ocean’s Eleven route.

Point: 1 – Obama; at least until we get some pictures of Romney unabashed and unafraid. Sadly for Santorum, he neither has the appeal of a silver-fox, nor the youthful appeal of his 53 years. Why did I put a picture of Romney up? Well, for 64, he is still a sharp looking man. And I felt he needed a little win.

Partner—

What’s manlier than having a partner who is at least your equal? Who a man chooses to share his life with can display his strengths better than any other criterion. Does he tackle the world alone, or can he learn to share? Does he fight for who he loves, even if the fight is actually with the person he is fighting for?

Ann Romney has shown support for Mitt Romney through his 2008 and 2012 presidential campaigns. Mitt has stayed by her side when she was not only diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but with breast cancer as well. Ann is quoted saying that Mitt will not “abandon you in the hardest times.”

Michelle Obama entered the White House with high expectations placed on her. If you don’t look closely, you might worry that we have a First Lady who has more style than substance. Yet, when she isn’t directly supporting the President’s legislative agenda, she is planting the first vegetable garden in the White House and fighting childhood obesity through Let’s Move! The movement is turning two years old tomorrow. Oh, and Michelle can do full push-ups.

Karen Santorum, before she met Rick, reportedly had a relationship with the doctor who delivered her. Dating an older man is one thing, but when he is 40 years older than you, it’s hard to rationalize that as a healthy relationship. It also is hard to believe she can fully support her vehemently pro-life husband, when the doctor she dated for six years ran an abortion clinic before Roe v. Wade ever saw a courtroom. Dr. Allen was quoted, claiming that “Karen had no problems with what I did for a living.”

Point: 1 – Obama, 1 – Romney; I’m too impressed with both women to choose. Both Barack and Mitt should be congratulated simply by waking up in the morning and not being (too) intimidated by the person lying next to them. As far as Santorum is concerned, hey, I feel for you, the heart wants what it wants.

Conclusion—

With a score of 5 to 3 to 1, this is a landslide victory for Barack Obama. He knows what he likes, has the unwavering love of an equal, and repeatedly shows a lack of fear. If you think I was unfair towards Santorum, feel free to add any information I may have missed. More importantly, any manly attributes you feel were left out?

— Photos: Flickr