Who are we to judge what someone else decides to do to her own face or body?
Tom Matlack recently wrote a piece for the Room for Debate section of The New York Times discussing women, makeup, plastic surgery, and tattoos. He asserts that when it comes to subjects such as how much or what types of makeup, or choosing to get breast augmentation surgery “women should do whatever they want.” Unfortunately, in our culture beauty and “beautification” are highly controversial topics, controversy which is evident in the comments the post has already garnered from both sides of the debate, and in all honesty most times whatever she wants is a relative term.
Following is an excerpt of that piece.
When I asked a ton of men and women about breast enhancement I got a remarkable diversity of responses. It would be easy to criticize women who get fake boobs and men who admit to liking them. But the truth is a lot more complicated than that. Who are we to judge what someone else decides to do to her own face or body?
One of my best friends has body ink head to toe and I happen to think it looks pretty cool. And if I didn’t think so, it’d still be his own body and none of my business.
So when it comes to makeup and self-esteem I plead ignorance other than to say women should do whatever they want. That includes my wife, by the way. As long as she knows that I love her most when she has nothing on.
I can’t help but wonder though, if what a woman wants is to be considered beautiful by societal standards then are things like using makeup or getting breast enhancement surgery really a choice at all?
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Photo: AP/File
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Yes, I’m sure us divvy men have never heard of the marketing trope “natural beauty” – and could never manage to tell when our makeup wearing significant others are sporting a natural look vs. just rolled out of bed. Of course we definitely couldn’t tell the difference (I mean, it’s not like I’ve been with my girlfriend for seven years – I guess she must have been nipping off to the bathroom all the time, because I could have sworn I knew what she looked like without makeup). No, when we say that we think they’re hot and want to… Read more »
aaaaaand wrong page *blushes*
..but it did feel better anyway!
I’m just going to say no to anal bleaching!
Society has been after my anus for years, but I’ve held fast…
Thanks to the posters who pointed out that women have agency and free will in this who business. Yeah, we all get that society pressures people to do things. Nonetheless, people continue to have the power to say “No. Blow me!” and that hasn’t changed. It’s not like women have guns to their heads to do these things to make it “hard” to say no. Anyone who suggests otherwise does a great disservice to those who said “No” under far less comfortable circumstances. The people of Vietnam come to mind when they said “No” to the imperial powers of the… Read more »
I can’t help but wonder though, if what a woman wants is to be considered beautiful by societal standards then are things like using makeup or getting breast enhancement surgery really a choice at all? There is the choice to be brain washed by advertising and go with the society they advertise, or you can get on with living and have fun and interesting times. I’m used to being around folks male and female as they breath their last, and it gets real interesting hearing what folks wish they had done more of. I have to say after some 30… Read more »
“I can’t help but wonder though, if what a woman wants is to be considered beautiful by societal standards then are things like using makeup or getting breast enhancement surgery really a choice at all?”
Yes, because it’s fundamentally her choice to pursue being beautiful by societal standards.
I recently had dinner with some old high school friends, “the hotties” of the class… They were beautiful in their teens with or without makeup… Today they are still gorgeous, with whatever amounts of makeup they choose to put on— some women at our last HS reunion had breast augmentation done— and, honestly, they looked beautiful (and they would have looked beautiful even if they hadn’t had it done)…. There is no one definition of beauty— but if great makeup, killer outfit, and luxurious hair gives you the confidence to stop a plastic surgeon in his tracks— then more power… Read more »
makeup, outfit that shows off their body well and hair ? All three that fit into the standard of beauty.
Chooses always come with consequence.
If a woman wants attract a large number of men then she’s going to have to do the things that attract them.
You can’t reject everything that attracts a mate than complain about the lack of interest you’re getting.
“I can’t help but wonder though, if what a woman wants is to be considered beautiful by societal standards then are things like using makeup or getting breast enhancement surgery really a choice at all?”
Are women just children , a bad choice is still a choice. It might not be one you would choose but such is life. Of course it’s a choice.
If I want to be widely regarded as rich and successful, I have to earn a lot of money. So is that really a choice?
Well, yes. Yes, it is.
So if a woman wants toe widely regarded as beautiful, she has to have lots of make-up on and get her breasts “enhanced”?
Yes, if she wants to meet the mainstream definition of beauty. And if anyone wants to meet the NFL’s definition of “skilled athlete,” they have to put in a lot of practice. Some even take steroids.
But as always, deciding to aspire to that standard is the INDIVIDUAL’S choice, not anyone else’s.
And in my humble opinion, having indivudal choices about what we can do with our bodies shouldn’t shut down a conversation about being mindful about what cultural messages exist, what lies exist, and the realistic impact they have on us. I do agree that if someone wants to meet the definition of “skilled athlete”, they have to put in a lot of practice to accomplish that. That goes for the NFL, the NBA, the WNBA, figure skaters, softball players, baseball players..etc etc. It goes for any male OR female that play a sport right? But putting in a lot of… Read more »
Aspire, it’s not a question of women being “children”. I actually find that kind of question really demeaning toward women. It’s simply not easy for us in this world and our body image. There is a reason that so many women struggle with their bodies and their idenitites. It isn’t because women are terrible people or because we are emotionally immature and comparable to children. It’s because there is something darker and deeper going on with the messages women receive about their bodies from both men and women alike. Men have those struggles too. I bet there are a lot… Read more »
Erin: Yes, the question of “Is it a choice at all” is very demeaning towards women, it treats them as children who can’t do anything except what society and madison avenue tells them. Thanks for making my point for me.
I don’t find the question, “is it at a choice at all”, demeaning toward women in the least. Or suggestive of treating women like children. I actually think it’s you that is being demeaning toward women by suggesting that real issues women struggle with are nothing but child-like frivilties. Sometimes as a woman, it can feel like you don’t have much of a choice. The pressure is astounding. It can feel like a weight on your heart. Of course, you don’t have to conform, but that doesn’t mean those messages aren’t running after you everyday. I totally understand why women… Read more »