Jezebel usually compiles the worst sex advice for women from magazines like Cosmo, but this past week, they turned the tables and compiled the 36 worst sex tips from men’s magazines Maxim and Men’s Health along with commentary from the very funny Ben Reininga.
See if you agree with Jezebel’s list of terrible sex advice, and Reininga’s funny comments that follow the advice… I can tell you from an woman’s insider perspective (and that of a sex and relationship advice columnist) that the following items they singled out are, indeed, some of the worst tips I’ve ever heard:
4. “After your workout, reinforce her rising T with a sweaty makeout session: male saliva has 10 to 15 times more testosterone than the female’s does… So prolonged French kissing may give a woman enough of a boost in testosterone to stimulate her interest chemically.”
If she’s averse to this idea, spit in her sports drink. It’s been shown to improve the taste of Gatorade’s entire G Series line.
Joanna’s note: I have an odd phobia of saliva, so this is particularly horrific to me, but it’s generally a good idea to shower after a workout instead of trying to jam your tongue into someone’s mouth. Also, is there any chance that this makes even an ounce of scientific sense?
19. Hire a private violinist to follow you and your woman around on the street.
You get bonus points for reeking of desperation!
Joanna’s note: Fellas, less is more. How about just walking and having a conversation instead? Also, don’t ever hire anyone to follow you and “your woman’ around on the street for any reason.
27. “81 percent of women do not want you to attempt anal sex without asking.”
A unexpected loss for Team Surprise Anal.
Joanna’s note: I would say that somewhere near 99% of women do not want you to attempt anal sex without asking.
32. “Whoever told you to tweak a girl’s nipples is stupid. Don’t! No girl has ever been proven to like this.”
The editorial team at Cosmo would like to make the following statement: “Nuh-uh.”
Joanna’s note: I guess I’m not sure what “tweaking” actually means, but here’s the rule with nipples (and sexual activity in general): Pay attention to what she likes. It varies. Some like them tweaked, some don’t. Some like them tweaked every once in a while and not other times.
I know it’s confusing, but what makes a guy good in bed is not that he’s memorized any list or set of rules, but that he responds to his partner’s cues. I’d go so far as to say that it’s the exact same thing that makes a woman good in bed… Am I right?
What items from the list Reininga compiled strike you as funniest, or most (or least) true?
Why do you think mags like Maxim and Cosmo feel a need to give mostly useless sex advice? Why do people buy into it?
Image of words about sex on blackboard courtesy of Shuttertsock