My favorite place to rest, is in the quietude of the mountains, away from the noise and light pollution of a never-resting city, where I must inevitably dwell and work each day (unfavorably, mind you—my shaman nature, already—always replete; nothing I seek, will ever complete me).
It is here, where I’ve so often contemplated life, its mysteries and the precarious nature of modern-living that often looms over our otherwise, innate goodness and tranquility.
My father took me out into the woods, religiously, throughout my entire childhood—often hiking many miles away from the destitute and sterile, unnatural environment, so many would consider their utopian abode. I can now see quite clearly, that city life is really nothing more than a fear-trodden island of slow death and meaningless chase, after the ego’s lackluster potential—compulsively attempting to elude the embodiment of spirit, which governs most of what we might haphazardly perceive as, free-will (ignorance and denial).
Contempt for this false nature has been steadily rising within me since I was just a young boy, and a normal life has never conjured genuine sanctity within. Therefore, when it all becomes too much, I retreat—into the mountains, where greed and disease have yet to sweep through like wildfire, killing all that is truly good in this life—untouched by man and his insatiable hunger to insist he is above the rest.
I’ve often fantasized about varying apocalyptic events that suddenly, without warning, wipe out our towering societies and accomplishments, in a major upheaval, as a swift demonstration of our mother’s existential and amoral (unapologetic), nature. Death has always made me curious—what comes after and how I’ll meet mine. It has become a dawning awareness that I ought to favor death and welcome it into my life each day.
Why? Because until we meet our own perceived death, and embody the entirety of its nature (perpetual life/death cycle), we are choosing to abide in fear and will always run from it, aloof (and in denial), falsely believing that we are going somewhere in this life (we’re just here; that is all). I am now convinced that it’s all the same. This nature we see before us, is the illusion that life truly exists, when the reality is, death is before us, every moment.
There is; there is nothing.
Death surrounds you (is, you). Can you accept this? I have, and feel as though I am now capable of truly living a valiant and worthwhile life, because my fears are dissipating more and more, each day I wake, to realize how fortunate, trivial, yet wondrous this life can truly be (all, a matter of perception). The past few years have consisted of tremendous upheaval and inner destruction—relating to the slow and painful death my false identity (the one created about me), and needless insistence (mental dis-ease) that I buy into the person others have projected onto me.
Throughout this experience, it’s become a dawning realization that we choose, or allow to embody the energy of such projections (our parent’s voices, for example) and this energy remains pent up, held hostage because the mind continues replaying these memory-attachments so often, that we eventually believe such fervent behavioral dysfunctions, as who we truly are (false!).
It’s laughable, to subside (resist), and allow this to remain so, from my standpoint (offering exhaustive energy to keeping the broken record playing)—but I have also tirelessly gone to every length imaginable (short of suicide, although contemplated many times, even from the standpoint of mere curiosity), to abolish such ludicrous ideas, that I am anything other than who I was, coming into this world (that innocent, childlike spirit; yes—always; never ceasing to be).
In doing so, I’ve found forgiveness, for the unconscious role-playing I, and others have portrayed along the way. Once we can accept that most [people] are acting out their roles perfectly (yet out of subconscious mechanisms of fear and complete amnesia), we can stop identifying with their characters, and instead, look inward at who they really are, on the soul level.
Here, is where we are able to embody more abiding love over time.
By letting go, we are clearing pathways for vital, life-force to course through us—unimpeded by the mind’s self-imposed blockages (in this case, persistence does not pay off healthily). Yes, memories may still haunt us from time to time and the resistance (denial) of the part we’ve played, can make it easy to place blame upon others (conversely shaming ourselves), but overall, if we can learn to just sit with this energy, while asking, “What of this?” for example, we can further surrender into the moment, of enlivening, old-energy, rising through us, which is merely asking for our permission to be freed, so alchemical transmutation may take place, naturally.
Sometimes (not always necessary, once we learn to simply let be, what is, and let go), it helps to pinpoint the origin of such hostile energy entrapment, because we are the witnessing agent to such transmutation and recycling of perpetual energy. We do so, from our most vulnerable and defenseless states.
We let our guard down. We let go. Give in. Surrender.
Eventually, we can give into, or release blame entirely, toward ourselves, especially, while acknowledging that what happened, was out of both parties control. Meaning, we lose our sh*t from time to time. We’re just human. The more we can get over this notion, while learning to laugh at how silly human nature is, the easier it becomes to embody our enlightened states of being and acceptance.
It’s before you now, whether you’re the “worst” person in the world, or the “best” (in the eyes of others, or self; all subjective; all just a matter of perception). There is no judgement, in the perceptual play on human behavior, through the energetic beingness of Creator’s orchestration, we call this waking life (we’re being led, divinely, by forces infinitely greater than any human faculty can possess, or control).
In other words, there exists no judgment, other than the judgment we impose upon ourselves and others (banish such petty morals and dogmas). No God-fearing damnation exists, that we must face upon our deathbed (which we should come to terms with today—right here, in this very moment; the death of our false-identity and actual life/death experience; acceptance of the frailty, or impermanence of life, so can actually live!) and no celestial ascension is necessary to strive toward, that we can look forward to, when our decomposing bodies are pushing up daisies.
Life is happening right now, damnit!
Get used to it. The sooner you do, the more fruitful your life will become—accepting who you are, at your core—others be damned (seriously). Learn to live unapologetically. F*ck societal expectations of you. We are learning to empower ourselves, and let spirit guide us—to consciously paint this tapestry, we call waking life. Abandon your lockstep habits, of unconscious, repetitive (insane, according to Einstein) behaviors and needless (unnecessary) seeking.
You’ve felt it—enlightenment—each time you’ve experienced this internal combustion, I liken to alchemical transmutation, or unconditional forgiveness and acceptance. Surrender. You are enlightened, each moment you’re aware of what is, and are able to overcome, through this surrender (forgiveness heals) and can simply reside in surreal peace.
Are you ready to fully embody your waking dream—attainable in each moment you choose?
Photo: Getty Images