I’m about to write one of the saddest sentences I’ve ever written. Let’s go ahead and put it first in this article, eh? Let’s get the happiness out of the way.
Believe it or not, there’s a bright side to this.
Here goes…
Grief and mourning never ends.
Yeah, let’s make this article all fun and lightness.
You can choose to let grief and mourning define you, or you can define how you respond to it. The choice is yours.
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In this space a few weeks ago, I wrote about how feelings were like farts. Just let ‘em fly! Because having facility with the entire spectrum of feelings and emotions can give you access to the good stuff – happiness and joy.
I’m afraid this is where that process gets messy.
Here’s a brief story to illustrate my point.
I was doing some work at my desk a couple weeks ago when I see a strange vehicle drive up. I didn’t recognize who came to my door, but I did recognize the driver who stayed behind in the truck.
The driver was an old friend of my Dad’s. An old friend who didn’t know that Dad had passed away. Keep in mind, Dad passed away in December of 2014.
While I was speaking with this gentleman, I was okay. I was present and accounted for.
When I got back inside, I fell apart. I was hit with a grief sledgehammer that took me out for the rest of the day. My plans for the rest of the work day were shot. I’m talking violent sobbing for what felt like an hour. That alone wore me out.
Granted, I have been thinking a lot about my dad recently. In fact, August 19th (the day this article posts) should have been his sixty-fifth birthday.
That incident hit me out of the blue. I wasn’t expecting it.
I’m not every man, not even close. But I believe that many men avoid negative emotions very well. Nobody likes to feel sadness and grief. Nobody likes to cry.
Well, maybe that one person…but we don’t talk about that.
I say again, accessing grief and sadness can open you to happiness and joy.
Mourning and grief don’t have to be exclusive to when someone you love dies. It can be any number of things.
But keep this in mind; it’s not about the actual incident, but what you make it mean.
Case in point, allow me to introduce you to a remarkable man.
Siran Stacy was a standout running back for the University of Alabama from 1989-1991. He was the Philadelphia Eagles’ second-round draft pick of 1992. But he never played a down in the NFL because of injuries and legal issues.
Stacy bounced around NFL Europe for a few years and finally ended his football career in 2000 after spending some time in the Canadian Football League.
Flash forward to November 20, 2007 on a road near Dothan, Alabama.
Very early that morning, Stacy, his wife, and five children were in a vehicle when a drunk driver left a strip club. The drunk driver plowed into Stacy’s vehicle.
The crash killed the drunk driver, Stacy’s wife Ellen, and four of his children – Lequisa, Bronson, Sidney, and Ellie. Stacy and his second youngest daughter Shelly survived.
Living near Dothan at the time, this accident was heavily covered in the local media. And relating to similar circumstances in my own family, I was personally affected by this story.
I remember telling my dad at the time “I wouldn’t be surprised if we hear of him blowing his brains out.”
I’m so glad I was wrong.
Stacy has combined the worst day of his life with a deep Christian faith and has not only drawn a lot of power for himself, but many have benefited from that power. He’s an in-demand motivational speaker and his story and testimony have inspired people the world over.
Life is all about choice. You can choose to own your life or you can let your life own you.
Grief is no exception. You can choose to let grief and mourning define you, or you can define how you respond to it. The choice is yours.
Make no mistake about it, you have to feel how you feel. And fighting those feelings will only make things worse.
If this article speaks to you or you think someone in your life can benefit from it, reach out to me. I’m on twitter at twitter.com/ryanhallwrites, my email is [email protected], and my website is team-ryan.team.
Again, nobody likes to be sad. Nobody likes to grieve. But if you can find the power in grief, a world of possibility opens up for you.
Let me support you in finding that power.
Photo by Beatrice Murch
We don’t encourage or support the ability to express grief.
hello Ryan, thanks for posting it sure is something very deep, beautiful line of reasoning